It seems as though I have been waiting so long for my life to end. I just manage to live through another day and then another night. It is my hope that each day will be the last. Each evening as I fall asleep I hope that I will not awaken.
Tag:
hope
I’m going to be straight to the point here. I wish I can kill myself. I wish I was brave enough to do it. I am not doing a good job at living. There is always something wrong with me no matter how I change for the better. I want people to help me but I am tired to ask for help because I’m being overly dramatic. There are times when I am happy and I always count those days. But when I’m not it is always there, the thought of ending life right then. I really wish I can. I know I am selfish […]
I just done whit this word its fuck uped for me i hope i can broke my promise im trying because i hate this shit what im doing but a promise is a promise if i be fucked up again then its the end lol
Early tomorrow morning 02/13/14 I’m going to go and try to attempt to jump off a very tall bridge/canyon. I guess I’m here just saying that I don’t know if I’m 100 percent going to actually jump, but there is a very good chance.  Some of you may know a little about myself from my last couple posts. I guess I am just writing this because it may be my last post and I hope all of  you the very best. This site has helped me live a little bit longer and try and get through but there’s just to much pain to endure.
I really i’m kind of confused about this. It’s a suicide project, and even when I definitely don’t want to hurt or kill myself, I feel like i’m dying slowly. My disease is tedium, a horrible boredom that I can’t wash away. The worse thing is probably that I can’t explain what I feel, the best expression probably is: I feel like a scab.
I was looking for some help, but the thing is how can somebody help me if even I can’t tell what is going on. It’s probably the nearest thing to “nothing”. “Nothing” is taking away anything from me. So I went […]
“Stop setting yourself on fire for someone who stays to watch you burn.”
This quote really made me think today. I have realised that I need to set myself free, I need to learn to leave people that hurt me in the past and move on. And that’s exactly what I’m doing and it feels great. I just wanted to say, if someone is setting you on fire don’t just sit there whilst they watch you burn, don’t give them that pleasure. Stand up, keep walking and fight for what you believe in. Leave that person in the past, they’re not worth it. I really believe […]
a few months ago, I wrote a poem. Here it is now:
For I am Civil Air Patrol. No single word can
Describe who I am, what I do or what I
Sacrifice at such a young age…there is no phrase
That can sum up what we do. We sacrifice
Ourselves for the needy, the misfortunate
And grieving. We cross boundlessly across
Dead and barren terrain, hopelessly searching
For one soul. We receive no pay. No special
Treatment. No acclaim. We simply fight.
Fight for freedom and tranquility within our
Borders.
For I am Civil Air Patrol.
The blood we’ve spilt within 72 years is
Tremendous. Over […]
So I turned to this blog last June in the hope of relieving myself of some my bottled up stories and emotions. It helped for all of 10 seconds. I’m still a closet gay (by my family’s demand and not my choice). My family would have me locked in a cage if they could, they have recently told me I’m the biggest problem my family has. I’m at university now so I’ve had a little bit of free time to experiment and be me. But being me has come at the price of my family and their respect. When I came out they took it […]
I feel so sorry for the people who died :'( let them rest in peace
by snowflake
written by snowflake
This is too sad… Suicide is sad… It actually brought tears to my eyes.
advice: watch this before you kill yourself. (and u won’t)
Click this link below to watch:
I truly respect the man in this video, he is awesome & kind-hearted man. I only wish there were more people like him in the world.
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Every night I would hold a loaded 9mm to head, I never had the fucking balls to pull the trigger. I kept going to work, see people, paying bills …. I got dropped from insurance and ran out of LAMICTAL,, oh well. I started to get a new life in order, a tiny bit of exercise via biking around SF. I feel ok, not great, but ok, which is awesome since I’ve wanted to off myself for 20 years and my girl friend did so with me present. life is full of crazy shit, things can get better. stay busy.
Damnit. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let myself hope and think that it’s going to be ok? How do other people handle it? How do they just move on from people, how do they keep breathing and living and laughing? I need serious help, because it’s clear that I’m not getting better. And I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.
I live a life that’s not really mine. My mother has been emotionally and physically abusing me since I was a young girl. My father left when I was only seven years old, and lives with his fancy girlfriend. He doesn’t care what happens in my life. I acheive high grades, I have friends, and I seem like a normal girl externally. Internally, I am forever suppressing an intense desire to put an end to my life. I only find comfort in dance, music, poetry, and for some strange reason, science. However, I dread every moment I spend at home with my mother. I live […]
How are you???
Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.
Every day is a fresh start.
Each day is a new beginning.
Every morning we wake up is the first day of our new life.
Where there’s life, there’s hope…
I hope everyone is Fine ^_^
All The Best <3
I found out Thursday that my cousin ended his own life. The entire community is devastated. My father and Grandfather were both close to him. I have this guilt in me that is just all consuming. All I want to do is cry. A year ago, this could have been me. If I succeeded in killing myself, I would be the cause of more pain than I could ever deal with. I should have been a better family member, a better person. Maybe I could have done something, seen the signs, and now my entire family is feeling so much pain, and al I feel […]
so I found this website and it hopes of finding people that will understand me.. So I’m assuming this is my place..
to be honest, I don’t know what’s getting into me . I feel like a monster. I made my mother cry after she found out I self harm, and now that I stop self harming, me and my boyfriend have been getting into countless fights… My mom still puts me down. She calls me whore, slut, only because I’ve kissed one guy. She beats me for no reason too. It doesn’t stop and I know it won’t. I feel so useless and I feel […]
I am lost and scared and I’m no where near fixed but I am not dead.
I still think about suicide often and I remained un-medicated until a few moments ago when I popped the first pill to happy (doxepin).
I am getting therapy. Every once in a while it will give me something useful but not often. I don’t think I’ll be sticking with it in the long run. Maybe once every few months.
I may be unable to sleep due to apnea or even my sinus being closed off because of a random act of violence back in 07′. Apparently sleep deprivation is a bad thing…
I […]
Today I’m going to lunch with my best friend/sisster. She knows my whole life story and I love her and respect her so much. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has been through a lot with me and I make up excuses and she doesn’t buy them so that’s how I know she will always be there for me know matter how many times I try to push her away. I’ve lost many friends buy pushing them away with all my excuses. I hope today goes well for me and I will let you all know how it goes.
I hope to make it through. I have one more year in this damn house and I’m moving out. I’m so done with my parents! I’ve heard to different stories. I’ve heard college gets worse and I’ve heard college gets better. I guess I have to wait and see for myself. I mean I don’t think anything can get worse then what I’ve been through and going through now. If it does I won’t make it.
in order to overcome it you have to have hope that you can. On an unrelated,and quite weird note, sometimes i think about something and then i think about thinking about that something and my brain gives up. for instance i’m thinking about writing this while thinking about the other times when i thought too much and made my brain hurt. Ridiculous.
General curiosity, and my apologies if this has been brought up before, I’m new here. Don’t quite know my way around yet, so forgive me. I’ve always wondered what is after this? Years of self abuse written like poetry in scars over my body. Years of self-hatred for everyone to see and stare at. One stint in the psych ward, and multiple suicide attempts thwarted and my mom or myself saying “oh no, I didn’t want to die, I was just overwhelmed” in order to save me from more stints in the psych ward. I never wanted help, I never cried out for help, I […]