Ive always had this depression and I never really tried to get rid of it because it helps with my art.Ive never been good at anything but that especially writting I tend to over write….like right now.Its never been this bad but I guess its becuse ive never fucked up this bad and I know youre going to think of me as one of the most cruel horrible heartless dumbasses but I assure you, I do have a heart Im just stupid.Back in highschool my freshman year was just a blur I mean it started off bad I was hit by suburban the third […]
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Horrible Person
I am at the lowest i have ever been in my life. Sad to say, but i am starting to understand why people kill themselves. I am so depressed and can’t seem to shake it off. Im 27, a broken engagement sent me over the edge. I let any relationship im in consume my entire life and im never happy anyway because i cant seem to trust any man and end up being a crazy ***** for my insecurities. Im in love with a drug addict/alcoholic. He is a horrible person. He lies, steals, embarrasses me and doesnt work, but yet im completely addicted to […]
I sit here wishing that I was someone else. Perhaps a quiet person who didn’t have these tendencies – ruthless, narcisistic, destructive, tenacious thoughts and feelings that make up a large part of my being.. Maybe I would be “better” if I was just able to be myself. The more time that passes always seems to push reality into the forefront, and unfortunately I’m pretty sure that it’s all gray matter. Why do I need to take things so far? Why can’t I control myself? Why Why Why do I have to be this person plauged with an overwhelming sense of manotany and a brain that tells me […]
The start of my first “rant”,
Hm I’m not to good at typing things up about my problems but I’m even worse at trying to talk about them, so here this goes!
First off I just wanted to say please do not judge me or think of me as a horrible person for these disgusting facts I will probably type out,
Appreciated.
Well, for most of my life it’s been pretty hard on my family (mum & dad) especially after my sister was born it just got harder, it’s seemed like they have always struggled with money really bad.
My dad used to work away up […]
My ex-boyfriend committed suicide in 2010. I met my husband in 2011, and we got married a few months later. Everything was really great, and still is most of the time. A few months after we got married, he started getting really upset over my ex and his suicide. (He and I had 3 children together by the way.)   He gets REALLY, REALLY mad if he finds any old pictures of my kids dad… to the point of him ripping them up and throwing them away. He always asks me if I loved him, and if I miss him.
It is REALLY emotionally stressful.  Anytime he brings it up, […]
I always wonder, what would life be like if i was more….appealing, attractive, pretty…you know? i wonder if my life would be different, and if i would have all these suicidal thoughts. Personally i think everything would be better. The reason i get treated like shit now is because the way i look. I think if i was pretty, more people would respect me and treat me better. The other day i realized how much i hate myself. i realized that maybe im ugly, because i have ugly thoughts. or maybe because i just do horrible things. Im just an horrible person. Im so selfish […]
I cant take this anymore. I’m so sick of everything. I cant handle Anything and it seems like everyone around me cant stand anything I do. I cant be that bad. I cant be the one that ruins everything. But I am.
I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve the life I have. I hate myself. Why cant people decide if they are going to live? Why does it have to be so hard to flip the switch?
Some people don’t get that. They say I over react, particularly him. The one person I cant let go of. Hes always there, always telling me […]
Every day I feel less like living more like dying. I feel like a zombie going through the emotions of life only to be grasping. My husband truly hates me. How do I know? He tells me that I am a horrible person who has no redeeming qualities. All I do I do for him and our child. He just hates me and I am not sure what to do with that. We have been together since we’re 18 and I just can’t see how to go on without him. That’s all I ever wanted to be was his wife. I really have no life without him.
I […]
OK, so probably most of you know I’m depressed and suicidal and stuff. But here’s something I haven’t told you yet (I believe). I hate myself. Emotionally and physically. From what I know, someone who hates themselves is called: self-hate. Although, I’m not really sure if that’s the true definition. Anyway, so I hate myself. I think that I’m a horrible person who is just……………selfish, greedy, ugly, and…………………..stupid. I know, if you meet me, you’d say I was the complete opposite from what I think of myself. I, from what I’ve been told, have no self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-concept. I really can’t explain what it’s […]
OK, so I’ve been depressed and stuff. My other post was “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing………” . Anyway, if you’ve already read that. Then you’ll understand this one alot more (probably). So, I’ve been really confused these past few weeks (besides depressed, suicidal, ect). First, I’m a lesbian and I have a girlfriend. But I’m not sure if I wanna be in a relationship right now. Because, as you know, I’m suicidal and I’m afraid that I may do something stupid (if you know what I mean) and hurt her. And I don’t want to hurt her. Although I know she will be hurt if I let […]
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