These voices are becoming too much to bare. I’ve heard voices all my life, but never to this extreme. I have counted as many as 20 voices all arguing with each other but agreeing over a mutual hatred of me. Telling me to kill myself. Telling me that I’m not worth it. Saying I’m waste of time/space/and money. Calling me a slut. Saying I deserved what those guys have done to me. Telling me not to as my crush out because he’ll just reject me, laugh in my face, and hurt me like everyone else. I fear they’re winning. Slowly driving me insane. I really […]
So I have been thinking about Life for a long time now, and i just can’t see a meaning to live! I want to die, but i can’t kill myself because i don’t want to hurt my family and friends… I have thought about running away but the same feeling of not wanting to hurt anyone shows it’s ugly face again… I actually doesn’t have a bad life, i get food everyday, i have a loving family, i have a warm bed, i have a place to call home… But still i just dont want to live anymore… I’m praying everyday in the bus on […]
Im writing here because I really don’t know where else to turn. There’s people around me that I want to reach out to, but the thought of doing that seems worse than dying…when I was a kid I was around a lot of things that disturbed and distraught me, so in order to cope I turned something off inside of me so I wouldn’t care and these things wouldn’t bother me anymore. And they beer did again, but it came at a great price. I’ve lost passion or interest for anything, and I’ve lost the ability to trust and communicate with others on a genuine […]
I am so fucking done with the world. It seems like I can’t do anything. I sing, well at least I try to, and every single time my family puts me down any buries my dreams in HELL. I Â write, and somebody either says “It’s Stupid” “It sounds like plagiarism” “Are you sure you aren’t copying?” “Im pretty sure thats already a book” or criticizes it. And I get the WORST writers block, and most of my stories remained unfinished, sitting in the hard drive of my computer. The one that I did finish is awful, and I’ve thrown that one in trash mountain. People […]
I hate I hate I hate,
It never ends,
Am engulfed,
en-flamed,
en-raged,
end; it never,
i feel, i hurt,
i hurt, i feel,
loop by loop,
around we go, everlasting,
full circle we come,
perpetuating.
The last memories
He made the excuses
It was his choice; he sent the second message only cause he was going through the same as I was in a way. I just thought he never listened what I had told him. The third message he was right to think of me as a bad guy and after the second message, he stopped caring. The forth message, I confessed, I told him the truth, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I told him a lie as well just because i was desperate for the truth from him. He never told me anything, I just wanted him to […]
I always say things I shouldnt and I always mess things up so im just gonna stop talking to people then I cant mess anything up because there is nothing to mess up and ill be alone anyway so no one to hurt when I die
He said he’d never leave me. When he left, he said he’d never be with someone else. He said I was the only he’d ever want, but that he couldn’t handle my mood swings. He left. He has still been texting me here and there playing with my heart and giving me false hope. The other day I got a text from his number calling me a *****, a filthy whore, and so many other names. It was his girlfriend apparently. He had moved on..I am so destroyed. I feel so empty and dead. She was telling me to leave him alone and said that he told her all […]
I’m 37. And I’m an asshole. I’ve hurt people. Because I have fears. My mother was murdered christmas of 1999. My father, who always treated me like I was nothing, died christmas 2006. I always blamed myself for my mother’s death. I should have been there. I also have a severly autistic son, which I also blame myself for. In fact, she tells me all the kids are fucked up because of me. And I lost the one person that I loved more than anything due to me. Nobody else. And I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m the problem. Me. […]
I’ve done nothing to nobody yet I’m somehow the most hated person at my school I want my life to get better but everyone makes it worse I just want everyone to leave alone why can’t people do that WHY I get it I’m a horrible person I’m an asshole I’ve done nothing right in my life but I just want this suffering to end Ive never wanted to die so badly there is no fucking god and if there is he hates me I only want the hurt to stop once just once I want this to go away I’ve tried everything and I […]
My first attempt I took 26 or 29,I can’t remember but I can bearly take ten without getting the feeling of throwing up.I have a long way to go.I feel high & my stomach Is starting to hurt,that means that It’s doing It’s job
I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’ve told him so many times that I never want to hurt him, but that I know I will, and he just stays. I keep giving him chances to get out of the relationship, but he keeps saying that he’s staying. I’m still planning on killing myself, I haven’t picked a new date yet though. I don’t know what to do to make it hurt him less though. I feel bad because I know it’s going to be really hard on him, but I just can’t stay here much longer. I’ve waited […]
I never knew any good. abuse from birth. Physically, menilly, sexually, and verbally. Living in poverty getting fucked by my dad and abused by my mom. Than my brother too. No love and no support. No friends no family. And the foster care system was no differnt. Abusse, neglect, and being used. I ran away at 12 and started prostituting to support myself. I wanted to make something for myself, to become something. I have been through things you couldn’t amagen. Things that should have killed me. But I’m hear and suffer every minuet of every day. I contiplate subside constantly. What do I […]
So friendship is something we all have and go through the laughs the vets the betrayal. So why is it that me being an idiot doesn’t want to get close Im afraid of getting betrayed and hurt. OS that just me when I’m in a friendship or do you guys and girls have it too. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one who pushes people away when they try and get near to you.
I feel this weird combination of hate and depression. I hate everyone else, yet I feel depressed every time I see them (my “friends”). What hurts me the most is the fact that nothing really really bad has happened to me, yet I feel very depressed and sad. I shouldn’t. There are people who are in a worst situation than me. But I can’t get over that feeling. I feel alone, yet maybe I’m not. Maybe I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy. I feel really sad.
I’ve been told like a million times things like “Get over it. I think you’re the one […]
” Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Never has a sentence been more wrong. Words are WILL hurt. Words will kill. When someone says a word it can sink so deep down in your mind that you will never escape it. Think of all the words people use to hurt. Getting each and every one down so low that that is all you hear in your mind. When someone insults you it can grab hold and never let you go until you are writhing in pain thinking yourself worthless. Words can get inside and eat you from the core […]
One more time won’t hurt,
I’m scum, evil, dirt.
So many flashbacks,
Boy there are stacks and stacks.
Which one to think about now?
How about the one where dad called you a cow?
Reach for the box,
The box is heavy feeling as if its full of rocks.
Flashback to the last time just how much you were sick
And how you felt like such an absolute prick.
Remembering the pain,
What did that gain?
Stomach being pumped,
For what, just because you got dumped?
These thoughts just won’t go away,
As for tomorrow is just another day.
im done with the waiting around
but i can stop it; i just cant stop it
it hurts to wait for people like this
but i have to; i force myself too
i try to let people go and on their way
instead of them hanging around me
and me bring them down to my level
but i cant let go of these people
and i dont know why because i need to
i need to let them go because soon
ill be going myself; ill be on my way
and maybe its going to hurt them
or maybe not, but all i know
as […]
for once i felt finally okay
i felt good
i felt like i was going to recover soon
but then it came crashing down
this wave of depression
it hit me and it hurt me
everything started coming back again
the nightmares, the voices, everything
the urge to cut is greater now
ive found out more ways to hurt myself
it doesnt do any good though
but i do like and i dont know why
i started eating full meals
a few days ago
but now that has changed
i can feel my family stare
as i go to get food
judging me
watching me
im so hurt im in so much pain, i can’t even think. i have to go do work all day and night. how can he hurt me so many times, so badly, and on purpose?!! how can he hurt me this much?! i really do hate my life. i loved him more than anything in the world. I’m miserable and heartbroken. you’re insane. i need to graduate. i have so much to do but all i want to do is be with him. i tried as hard as i possibly could with him. i feel so broken. how can he hurt me so bad.