I’m trying really hard to be strong, but it’s really difficult and I’m having a really hard time. number one priority, i HAVE to graduate. i spent hours in the studio tonight and will spend hours in the studio tomorrow. but then there are all my other classes. i can’t look at his messages, it will make me fail, and that’s exactly what he wants. i have no time for a social life. i miss him so badly, but not his insanity. how cruel can he be?! he keeps seeing how badly he can hurt me. I’m so heartbroken and I’m trying so hard […]
Tag:
hurt
I’m sorry, mom
I’m sorry, dad
I’m sorry, friends
I’m sorry, Family
I’m sorry, body
I’m sorry, mind
I’m sorry, teachers
I’m sorry, voice
I have failed all of you at one point… or every day.
Mom: I’m sorry I am not like my brother, I’m not made of gold and jewels. I am not skinny, smart, good looking, or good at anything. I am sorry I am failing school, I am sorry you are embarrassed to call me your daughter. I am sorry that you are ashamed to be in public with me because I am not thin like all the other girls. I am sorry I don’t do make-up and my hair, […]
If you don’t know by now I’m forced into the life of a loner I cant ever go outside my house without my parents constantly calling my phone every five seconds half the time I wanna put a bullet in my brain and end it all so I don’t have to feel this cruel reminder of what I could have but never will and the other half I wanna kill my mom she has done nothing but hurt me she has let me get severely bullied victimized and traumatized and PAYS someone to give a shit and my father who is a wanna be low down […]
all i want to do now is hurt myself more
or maybe just kill myself now
because i have done it and its bad
i dont know anything anymore
i dont know how to feel anymore
but at the same time i feel this great pain
and i dont know how to make it go away
i just want it to all stop but it cant
so maybe i will just hurt myself more
ill just keep making myself bleed
until one day i take it too far and bleed to my death
then maybe the pain will go away
who knows.
Im sorry for all that I have done. I cannot express how sorry I am about the inconvenience about the car crash, Im so sorry for all that I have done to everyone. The thing that makes me the most upset is that it could have been so much worse; I would not have been able to live with myself knowing that I put my friends in the hospital. I do not want to hurt people I want to help others; I do not know how I can forgive myself. Simple I do not think that I can forgive myself. Â I love you all so […]
Have you ever did something bad to someone?
Have you ever hurt somebody’s feelings?
Have you ever tought about killing someone?
Have you ever planned to kill someone?
Have you ever desired someone to suffer?
I’ve been thinking about being bad, I’m usually sad, shy and fragile, but lately…
I just can’t trust one of my friends.They keep going to the school guidance officer and telling him every little bit of information I tell them about me.I am really getting sick of , yesterday one of their parents actually rang the deputy principal and told him I was gonna hurt my self, I never even said that to anyone so where are they getting that information from.Today my mum got a phone call from the guidance officer saying that one of my friends parents printed out pictures of things I posted on Instagram, why can’t they just mind their own business and stop making […]
I think I might try in a couple days…
It’s earlier than I expected but I can’t handle this anymore…
Goodbye everyone… I hope you just follow your hearts…
~E
Why do you do
All the things that you do?
Do you hurt me on purpose
And lie to me too?
I feel like crying,
Inside I am dying.
Why am I buying
All the things that you’re trying?
Why am I always the one who has to change,
Why do I always have to change my ways?
I still have a question for you,
Will you ever change
Or just do what you do?
And like always,
treat me like a fucking fool.
So, past few weeks have been hell. I have been having extreme bursts of anger/violence. It isn’t me, it isn’t me at all. I’m a good girl and now… in less than two weeks time I was taken to ER in handcuffs in back of cop car (released same night) I had to talk to a therapist in a cheap hospital gown naked. I’d rather they strapped me in the chair as long as I would’ve got to keep my clothes on.
Anyways, cut to this morning … my dad was in my room and called me names and screaming and what have you… he barricaded […]
Trapped in my own mind,
Bound by anxiety
I’ve caged myself, with contradicting reason. I push people and emotions away so I don’t get hurt, but I worry they’ll leave forever.
I don’t know how to to escape… yet I hold the key to this cage.
I’ve hated my life for so long I have no idea what being happy is I’ve hung myself nothing drank bleach and window cleaner and threw it back up I want to die but I’m scared to but I fear the next day and dread today I want to leave this world and live a life where I control what happens not others controlling and ruining my life I’m the outcast of my school everyone thinks I’m a joke or that one guy who replaces a girls boyfriend until they find another or that one guy who is a replacement everything I sit in the […]
i just want to cut so bad, i can even see the exact places i’ll do it. my hands shake when i’m not holding something, my skin crawls, and itch that can’t be satisfied. a thirst that wont be quenched. i need to cut. but i’m afraid to even get up. because i know exactly where something is. and if by some chance it’s not there, i know where a lighter is. a burn would last longer, hurt more. give more of a release. but i can’t. it’s wrong, forbidden
I hate how after all this time, i still can’t find the courage to
try it with someone else. Because of you, i find it hard to trust
everyone around me as i think that they will just leave me like you
did.You broke all your promises and i’m scared that everyone else
will too. I’ve learnt to play on the safe side so i don’t get hurt.
Im scared of getting hurt again, of just being left broken again.
i just don’t know how to let anyone else in, I’ve tried my hardest
to just forget everything, all our memories, but […]
I’m too much of a coward to die already, but I’m too hurt to be ok with living
Just wondering what do you guys think of corporal punishment? When would you say that disciplining a child constitutes abuse?
I don’t think I can say that I was ever beaten as a child, but I was certainly slapped. A lot. The hardest I’ve ever been hit out of discipline left a red mark which lasted about 6 hours and then disappeared.. which isn’t bad at all. Personally I think the main issue for me was the emotional distress it caused rather than the physical pain. However I also think the “discipline” I received was a bit in excess.. like how many times would you slap […]
So let’s pretend that the pain I feel everyday is nothing.
Let’s make believe that life is totally perfect, and I’ve never been hurt.
And let’s laugh like our lives aren’t totally and completely screwed up.
Is it wrong of me to miss Stefie, Sissi, Bamse, Ash, Lucky, Goldy, Snowy, Starry, Spinny, Plusi and Oreon so so much More than missing most humans? Is it wrong of me to wish my mom would smile at me and tell me I did a good job or even for her to say thank you? Is it wrong of me to wish my siblings would stop saying “I dont like you” and “you’re not really my big sister” Even though I would give them the world? Is it wrong of me just to clean up my room instead of the washing lady? Is it […]
He’s the asshole. I stick around after all he did to me because I care about people, way more than I should. I get a message that he’s afraid he’d hurt himself, and I freak out and unblock all means of communication so he can talk to me because I kept thinking he was DEAD, and then I hear he’s all ok, just fell asleep and didn’t message back because he decided to play his damn computer games. I say one fucking thing wrong, ONE, and he goes batshit crazy, calls me all sorts of names (that I know are already true) and then says […]
Tell me, did it hurt even a little, when you looked into my eyes and saw all the broken pieces?