Isolated

I always wondered . . . would it feel better to have neglect or too much attention from parents? I don’t like the idea of both, although I get to experience both. I think attention from parents (no matter how rebellious us teens feel at times) is a good thing, as long as the intentions of the parents are good. However, the intentions of my parents are never good and so I prefer them to make me feel neglected. But then when I feel ignored by them, I crave for their attention. As in, all I’ve ever wanted to do was make them proud. Maintaining one hundred percent in ten classes apparently holds no meaning after they yelled at me to pick my academic standards up. J.K. Rowling once said “Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”

” guess I truly am worth nothing and never will be if my own mother hates me to this extent then it’s true I was born to suffer”

Meh – I think about this one too much. In fact, I’ve over thought it and now have no thoughts on it. Other then, it would suck if it were true. Even if one person saw me useful on this earth, there is still everybody else who does not. And I always believed ‘majority rules’.

“I just want them both to know how much they hurt me”

I do too. So bad. But as I pondered this too, I thought that maybe people like them are incapable of understanding. One who inflicts hurt in a careless manner does not care to think of the painful significance. I am not saying such persons are always hopeless, I’m just saying I personally wouldn’t expect a change.

“end it all so I don’t have to feel this cruel reminder of what I could have but never will”

Precisely.

I have read many thing on this site, but never have I related to one so much as this one. We share the same pain, as do others out there or many who have had this same past. I do, of course, wish the best for you in your future endeavors of finding something better (of worth to live).