Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer […]
I keep making the same mistake. I keep looking for intimacy in random hook ups, like it’s the spark of life, but it’s hurting me. I’m putting my body through abuse, and my friends are scared of me. They don’t understand why I’m doing it and they keep away from me. I’ve been with so many girls and guys, broken my heart over and over, and I’ve swallowed so many pills but can’t die.
For 10 years it’s been an endless cycle of pain and numbing that pain. It’s maddening. I want to get out. I want to have friends. Get a girlfriend. Be happy where […]
In the end I know two things that are completely and utterly true; that I do not matter, and that I am not enough. All my life I have felt completely and utterly alone, and this is partly my doing. I pushed away my friends and I isolated myself because I didn’t want them to get hurt when I inevitably killed myself; and I am finding that I am once again feeling this way. I cannot take the pain anymore, and my life will never get any better if it hasn’t even marginally improved over the last eight years. I wanted […]
The past seven years for me were filled with promises, hope and trust. Only to end with betrayal, distrust and pain. Then more repetitions. Now I’m so scared it’ll happen again. And Im also made to feel bad for being insecure and afraid. Everything somehow becomes my ‘fault’.
It’s not so fucking easy.
I’m so fed up with hurting. Can I just please lie down and die in my sleep?
I know what your thinking , I’m so young I have a life ahead of me. I don’t. My childhood was tossed between my divided parents who hurt each other by hurting me. My stepfather hit me , my mom told me she wished I had never been born. Then when I was 15 I moved in with my dad and his wife thinking that they wanted me me because they loved me , they just wanted to stop paying child support. I was alone I had a few friends , but then he came into my life, my boyfriend I had found a reason […]
At times all these emotions n thoughts come.to.mind when I’m hurting or feeling down I hope that someday I do get better but for now I’m just going to have to struggle then but if I can’t endure this anymore I’m going to have to throw in the towel
Tomorrow will be my last day here. I Have purchased all my supplies for the Helium bag method. Thank you all for your posts and comments. The information on this site has been very helpful. I am not terminally ill but I have ruined my life. I have hurt everything that I loved in this world. I am ready to leave so I can stop hurting those I love. I have two young children and a beautiful wife, all of which I have hurt. Good Bye
I keep trying and nothing is ever good enough for anyone. I give him everything he wants, do whatever he tells me but that’s not enough. I just want to be done…with everything.
Tonight is awful. I’m close to tears, I feel very alone and unwanted. For the first time in months, I’ve actually considered hurting myself. I know that won’t help, but it’s so tempting. Since losing my therapist and many friends 3 weeks ago, I fell back hard into my already bad depression, making things worse.
I have no clue what to do anymore. I question myself. Am I good? Does my past make me bad? Am I loveable? School gets under my skin. Also, my impending birthday is looming over me like a giant, and my past is a scary dark forest around me.
I’m just lost. […]
Man I hope I get better n if I need surgery to for my spine n the pain will stop hopefully stupid muscle spasms it hate myself it’s very difficult for me not to worry about the future of my well being it scares me cause I want to get better so badly I’m hurting constantly every day it’s something else on me one day it’s my neck another could be my shoulders or any other part of me that feels wrong n out of place I can’t sleep at times n when I do I don’t want to get up because of how pain […]
I cry, but I shed no tears
I’m hurting, but I’m not bleeding
I’m dying, but my body’s surviving
I’ve been broken, but my scars don’t show
I’m withering away, but my body’s still ageing
I’ve lost sight of a future, but I am not blind
I cannot voice my angst, but I am not mute
I feel numb inside, but I can still feel my heart beating
I’ve lost my motivation, but I am still walking
I cannot breathe, but my lungs are still functioning
I cannot feel, but my pain still taunts me
I’ve lost the war, but I am still fighting my battle
My birthday is tomorrow and I find myself researching ways to kill myself. I have felt suicidal since I was 7, yet I always convinced myself that tomorrow would be better. I have lived this lie for 19 years. I’m sick of it.
I tried to jump out of a moving car on Wednesday night. My fiance stopped me. When I thought about how horrible it would have been for him to see me like that, it made me feel so wretched.
I am an abuser. I abuse him like my parents abused me. I don’t hit him, but I hurt him with my existence. I am […]
All my life ive been there for others helping to keep them positive and moving onwards and upwards.
Ive come to a point where i cant even do this for myself. My relationship came to an end on my birthday a few days back and it was my own fault as much as im hurting n dispairing of my actions im breaking apart more and more each day knowing how much ive hurt him n thats the worst part. He wants nothing more to do with me and wants me to NEVER contact him again. I see no way out of the hole i have gotten […]
When can I leave? I want so badly to go now to just fade away. But I can’t. I promised myself I would wait till my parents were gone. So here I am waiting, forever waiting till the time when I can cease to exist. There is nothing for me here and there never can be. I only destroy everything and create pain for those around me. Around people but never part of anything, no connection. Alone. And hurting.
I always have this urge, to hurt myself 1 way or another. But it’s always in my mind.
Before I sleep, I’ll imagine falling off the stairs, or even getting some mildly serious disease, enough to the hospital. On worse days, this’ll morph into funeral services for my own, or just methods in which I die and there are people around me.
Is it meant to be this way? This is my way of dealing with life? It feels so wrong, yet it sparks a feeling of warmth, love, peace and a sense of fitting in.
It it might seem superficial, but it’s my own way, right? It’s […]
I’m back, again. Most of you don’t remember me. It’s been 2 years since I last posted. Time has not been easy on me. I have a lot of changes, big changes coming up in my life in the next couple of weeks. Already, I have gone through several big ones, like losing many friends and my therapist, who were the only people I had to support me. Now I’m down to one friend that is constantly there for me, though he has major problems of his own. I feel like I’m losing every single thing that means something to me in my life.
My 18th […]
I’m tired of a lot of things… It really doesn’t even make sense to me anymore… I mean, I’m tired of living, I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of breathing, I’m just tired…. And everyday of my life, I think about just being dead… Not even necessarily killing myself… To be honest, I really don’t want to die, yet I don’t want to live… I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t NOT want to kill myself… Either way…. I’m absolutely exhausted of feeling anything, thinking anything, being anything… The biggest thing I’m tired of…. Is wanting to be dead…..
Despite the fact that I […]
“I guess everything happens for a reason. With love, goodbye.” These are the last lines found in the suicide note of my close friend Melissa Cameron who died nearly five years ago. Melissa and I were close friends in high school with a common struggle, we both suffered with extreme depression and thoughts of suicide, and although our friendship was originally formed on much lighter principals, it quickly turned into a relationship based on secrecy and what we considered to be “support.” Due to our suicidal tendencies, sharing ideas on different ways to kill ourselves became normal conversation, and we eventually made an agreement that […]
i confided in 3 people about thinking of hurting myself, and they all judged me and abandoned me. i can never tell anyone about these feelings ever again i see. people always judge me. i lost friends and its like i never had that many friends at first. i wish i never told anyone, but just killed myself. it hurts deeply.
You know, I am trying to limit myself to one post per day on here, but something is bothering me. Well… not bothering. But I have something to share.
I never used to get self harm – even when I was doing it myself, but I didn’t think it was self harm until about a year ago. I never… understood why people did it. To get away? Because they hate themselves? Boredom? Distractions? I don’t know…I still cannot comprehend why I and others do it, because hurting yourself when you are already hurting is… nonsensical. But we do it anyway. We do it for the […]