I cant stop obsessing on my last job. The boss treated me like shit and it really damaged my confidence. It was a camp job 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. I stayed for 2 turnarounds. And both were utter hell. I’ve been dealing with depression for years now and whatever happend when i went to this job this guy just triggered every insecurity i had in me. I shut down and ended up quitting and stayed in bed at home for like a week . My girl doesn’t know how to deal with me. I feel so broken and ashamed i could let this […]
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i dont know
ill never be good enough, ill always just be a stupid crazy whale. like yesterday when i was walking down the street and someone yelled out “whale”! and i couldnt stop crying. my boyfriend treats me like shit , but thats probably because i am a piece of shit. im crazy. and i cant live with myself anymore. i dont know how to live anymore. i cant wait til i get the balls to just down all my meds at once.
im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]
all i want to do now is hurt myself more
or maybe just kill myself now
because i have done it and its bad
i dont know anything anymore
i dont know how to feel anymore
but at the same time i feel this great pain
and i dont know how to make it go away
i just want it to all stop but it cant
so maybe i will just hurt myself more
ill just keep making myself bleed
until one day i take it too far and bleed to my death
then maybe the pain will go away
who knows.
I have been suicidal for at least two years now. I cannot stand to be alive and i have NOTHING to live for. I have no job, i live with my mom (im 33), i have no friends, no partner, no money, my family treat me like an outcast and i have no motivation or excitement in my life. I want to die but cannot for the life of me understand why im still here! Oh, and by the way im not religious. Does anyone else here have the same problem? Ive even chosen my method to exit this world but i dont know whats […]
i’m actually so totally done. i keep fighting with my mother, and i can’t get along with any of my friends unless we’re getting high together. my dad, the most important person to me and my only hope to get out of this hell with my mom, has decided he doesn’t want me full time. i’m now way behind in school and i’m late every class and i can’t seem to get anything right.
i’m 14 and i already am willing to die. if someone handed me a gun right now, i’d point it at my head and shoot. but life isn’t that simple and i’ll […]
can someone please help me before i do something stupid and hurt the ones that love me i dont know who to turn to. im just reaching out for help.
I am in dispare i dont know what to do i just want the pain to stop.
On some days I wished I never starting self-harming, but on other days I wished I never stopped
i dont know
what to say
the blinking cursor
is taunting me
its a blank page
a brand new post
what do i write?
do i write how i am?
do i write how you are?
do i write whatever?
i dont know really
i guess my message
for today,
that is within this poem
is;
im going to stop posting.
i cant take it
i have made more people
worry about me
more people think i matter
more people care about me
more people to bring pain to
when i say my final Au Revoir
its hurting me too
i dont know anymore. i thought i could recover. i thought i can hold it in and just keep it to myself. to just keep it in all of it. all of the secrets. all of the lies. all of the masks. but i dont know. i dont know if im close to breaking all together. i dont know if im close to just going. i dont know if im close to jumping. i dont know if im backing away from the edge. i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what personality is which. i dont which smile is which. i dont […]
i spend most of my time, thinking to myself. trying to tell my self that yes, these people exist, they have feelings, their heart beat and they feel sad sometimes too.. but then again, how can I be so sure? and i can’t tell anyone how i really think, they’d think i’m crazy. who knows. Maybe i am crazy.
I spend most of my time wanting to die. the anxiety in me, the feeling of wanting to do everything at once, but having no purpose in doing it, not wanting to, why does it all matter? all what we do is grow up to get […]
let me go
why do you care
just let me go
please
i might need to go
i feel suicidal right now
can i turn to you
no not really
you’re busy
and i can’t
because you’re depressed too
and you come before me
and i dont matter
so let me go
i dont know
why you care
maybe you do
maybe you dont
how should i know?
i dont know myself anymore, i look the same and act the same but i feel dead inside, incomplete and alone. this is not because i lost love or some shit like that, but i just dont feel worth anything. not a second of your time, not a breath of oxygen, not even the space i exist in. this isnt how im suppost to live this, isnt how i am. i’m gay…i came out to my mom a few months ago. she’s alright with it, but i just cant hide in this shell anymore. she told me not to tell anybody about it because they […]
Hi Guys,
Welp its day 11. I just want to thank all of you who stuck with me. No this is not a goodbye note, but just a thank you. Your comments (well most of the comments) helped me and comforted me. 😀 So thank you especially to Michael, OnlyLOVEisReal, and The Koji, you guys have helped me so very much and I hope you continue to comment on my posts. 😀
Another note thing is that I do post poems, but sometimes they’re at random times, and I’m sorry for that, and so maybe you don’t see them. So I just wanted to put that out […]
im not meant to be here. ive decided that. i have no purpose here. no one out there really tries for me to live. no one is stopping me. i try my best. but it doesn’t work. maybe i wasnt meant to live. maybe i was meant to die. im not sure. but all i know is im a burden. i guess im one of those mistakes you tried to erase, but you couldnt get the job done well enough so im just a scratched out mark. i dont know guys. i know you dont have an answer i guess it doesnt really matter. but […]
so im kind of new to this & so far it looks great .. obviously i have my own share of problems or i wouldn’t be here .. so this is my story .. I was born & raised in CA & my grandparents raised me .. i recently ( its been 2 yrs now) moved back with my real parents & we’re all the way in Tonga ( island in the south pacific ) & so far its been a major change .. school , life , boys , new people , etc etc .. tbh i didnt want to move , but i had no […]
my stomach drops everytime i hear anything about my past friendship with someone who meant a lot to me and i cant stand it anymore. i’m sick of being the one that everyone comes running to when they’ve hit rock bottom. “the fixer” is apparently an adequate word to describe me. i hate that. i’m sick of trying to help everyone that i pose some interest in and never here them ask “what about you, are you okay?”. the truth of the matter is that no matter who i finally connect with, all that matters to them is themselves and that which they cannot achieve […]
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