I haven’t posted anything in like a month. I guess I’ve been doing okay. Haven’t really cried. I’ve just been thinking a lot. No pain I guess. I don’t even know what to say. I guess I’ve changed in some way…
Tag:
I guess
Nothing that out of the usual I guess, but today I swear to god was the worst I’ve had in a long fuckin’ while. If you are a parent and think it’s okay to tell your kid who they can and cannot date and how to live their life, then fuck you. Apparently my mother thinks it’s okay to boss me around and bash my decisions in life. WELL FUCK THAT. FUCK HER. FUCK EVERYTHING. If I really wanna smoke, then I’ll fuckin’ smoke. If I wanna date him or her, then I’ll fuckin’ date him or her. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME HOW TO […]
I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was in grade 7. Yep, that’s right, a 13 year old kid, smoking cigarettes. Now, I am in grade 9, and as much as I try to quit, I never can. I can’t get myself to not crave cigarettes anymore.
I always had thought that they would slowly kill me, but I guess they didn’t. They affect the way I do some things, like singing, or running – but they haven’t killed me yet.
Addiction is a hard thing to get over. Even now as I am writing this, my body is craving a cigarette. I know I need to […]
It’s funny how easily humans discard one simple pleasure for another, but I guess the brain wants what it wants. They say change is good, and I suppose it is, but nobody can deny the fact that in the middle of that change lies that vulnerability that can sometimes hurt or even kill you. People are so fragile, I know lots of people that say “I’m so emotionally strong” blah blah blah. Take away their confidence, give them a disfigurement or a disability, let them lose a loved one, and see how they feel after. I want everybody to have the same afflictions and I […]
I am the girl waiting patiently for her turn at the throne. I’m the girl that’s tired of feeling alone. I’m the girl who sits on the corner at parties, watching everyone as they go by. I feel like I’m already gone. Helping others as they go along. But then there’s another part of me. This girl is caged, waiting to be set free. She is tormented and controlled. Her body is shaky and cold. She screams but no one can hear. She is left in a room of despair. She takes to the needle like a baby with a bottle, the past ten years […]
What if when you die, if you kill yourself, your punishment is to come back worse than now. A starving kid, someone with a horrible debilitating condition. I guess thats true of any way you die.
Hey (goodbye).
I’m kinda messed up right now, I’m feeling pretty bad though I could probably stop feeling this way; I just don’t want to. I’m not sure why but I kind of enjoy feeling sad, I guess in the same way that I like self-harm; maybe it’s the same thing. This probably isn’t healthy but I’m not, so it might be alright. I guess I’m just fucked, I hate myself and I think I might kill myself tomorrow not that it matters.
I’ll go to the student services room at school, sign off there, catch the train home and hang myself.
I’m sure it […]
I am not afraid of death but afraid of life.
I just want to go back to where I belong.
A place far far away from here.
Where no one judges one another.
But maybe, maybe it’s all just a dream and I’ll wake up in that beautiful place again one day.
And the rainbows will cover the skies.
There will be happiness.
Why?
Why am I fooling myself?
This is reality not a dream.
I am alive on the outside but I’ve been dead for so long.
I became ready for death a long time ago but I guess death isn’t ready for me just yet.
I enjoyed your third person rants
Reminded me of our likeness to plants
I feel the mods didn’t understand
Still it sucks that you were banned
While my time has been short
I felt your posts, comments, purport
I guess, perhaps I’m just feeling lonely
I knew you in name only
You had something to say
I enjoyed your comments, seemingly astray
Well, I guess it’s time for my story. I have made some posts but I guess it’s time to say the real deal.
Ever since I was a kid my mom would spend most of the time at a hospital. I usually stayed with her best friend or someone that took care of me since I was a baby. Such a nice old lady. She was like the grandma I never had. So yeah, I went to a private Christian school and had a few close friends. Well there were times when the security guard would go looking for me telling me my mom was outside […]
Hello.
I dont really know if this is how im supposed to write this but anways. I’ve been lurking this site for a while and i finally decided to make an account. I guess i should introduce myself ( to whoever is reading this ), anywas not gonna share my real name but lets say my name is Cyne. I’m 18 year old male and have been dealing with depression since around 11-12 years old, maybe even before that but i didnt really notice that it was effecting me. I guess the major part of my depression and thought of suicide is being alone, dumb reason […]
After two attempts at my life in the matter of two weeks me and my husband went to the doctors go more medicine and some new ones he’s holding on to them because it’s easy to overdose on them I’m mad but I understand I guess he loves me and I love him I don’t know why I’m so addiment about killing myself
I’ma be, and you’ll see
Why don’t you know
I’m my own that wants to be
You put all your claim on me
I am the way that I am
I became
I never asked for anything
But a sick boy
Screaming for a home for his mother
My son in paradise
It’s only ever been me
And my
. . .
Then screw you, then
I’m my own key-master opening to the gate
Damn, Minotaur, that you are
We all fall in our places
Let me bounce, let me bounce
You can come whenever you’re ready
It’s not me, that does not see
Moan at your […]
My story is both hair-raising and mundane at the same time. I was a very promising student, talented musically and didn’t have too bad a childhood, but went down with clinical depression aged 19. Back then there was not so much awareness of the condition so I didn’t really get any effective help. Depression through my twenties came and went, I tried out ‘alternative’ lifestyles and was somewhat of a political activist, I didn’t pursue a career because it was kind of fashionable in my circle to be a dropout I guess. Also the episodes of depression would hit hard, still undiagnosed, still not really […]
I am new to the suicideproject.
I have been browsing the site, and I have seen some very interesting writing and many other creative things. This place seems like it could be engaging to me. There seems to be a lovely sardonic nature to the comments as well. I guess you could say that I am genuinely interested.
I have been struggling with depression for many years, and I hope to find some people to relate to. Please ask me whatever you would like, it will help me get acclimated to this site.
-TheGerm
I am 55 male and have been suffering from depression for over 2 decades. I guess it all started a bit earlier when my mum committed suicide in front of me at the age of 8. That image never cease to haunt me…
Ever since my mother’s death, i buckled all my emotions and managed to do well in uni and got a very well paid job. I was respected in the community but now this dark cloud has amassed over my head again and tried as i have like in the past. I cant go on. I used to draw strength from my son , […]
Just a statement I guess. Putting all my stuff in zip locks. Don’t want to have to have people doing that. What would you do with your diaries? A lot of what is in them has potential to cause my family pain. Would you burn them?
It’s hard for me to put into words the way I feel. I call it my black cloud. The feeling of loneliness overwhelms me every day… I’m almost more comfortable this way. Its scary to admit that this “black cloud” is actually depression… It takes more of me every single day. I guess my question is when will it end? When will it completely consume me?
I don’t really know what to do anymore. I tried to kill myself once. I’m sure this time I can do it right. I know what I messed up. I’m just tired of who I am. I’m fat, like 250lbs. I’m ugly. Its obvious. For the longest time I was ok so long as I thought I was intelligent or committed, but I don’t think I am anymore. Sure I was intelligent in High school, but that barely counts now. Not that anything I learned matters, when the only jobs I can get are in a restaurant or a call center.
And now I’m alone. I […]