I dont really know if this is how im supposed to write this but anways. I’ve been lurking this site for a while and i finally decided to make an account. I guess i should introduce myself ( to whoever is reading this ), anywas not gonna share my real name but lets say my name is Cyne. I’m 18 year old male and have been dealing with depression since around 11-12 years old, maybe even before that but i didnt really notice that it was effecting me. I guess the major part of my depression and thought of suicide is being alone, dumb reason i know. I literally dont talk to anyone in person (apart from those small chit-chats during school and talking to my family a bit) and online i talk to a whooping number of… one persons. Even though even that is very rare these past few weeks. Needless to say, i never had any friends, not even as a kid, got bullied a lot when i was younger ( mostly verbal abuse and a little but heavy physical abuse ), i dont get bullied anymore though, which is good. I dont really know why im writing this here and i’m not really good at expressing myself due to not having much practice in talking. I guess im just trying to atleast “talk” with anyone even though noone might read this.
I guess i should mention that noone really knows how i feel in person, noone knows i attempted suicide or that im even depressed, most people think im someone happy and funny, but thats cause i put on an act during those short “chit-chats”.
When it comes to school, once again, im a failure, actually im a failure at everything tbh, i dont really have any virtues or skills and i dont find anything fun, not even the stuff i used to love doing. I guess i spend my days today browsing reddit and watching tv shows, even though even that is not entertaining anymore… anyways…. i dont really think i will live much longer, im guess im just waiting for something to change in my life but it doesnt really look like anything will get better, things just go worse. I dont really know what to write anymore so im just gonna stop here, maybe i post more tommorow or smth.
Have a nice day whoever’s reading this