A few days ago, i was reading this article on this girl. She had committed suicide, no one wrote a review there was not an obituary, no one noticed that she was gone. I have come across many articles like that to be honest. People like us do not get recognized , we are probably not important. I’ve come to realization that I am not important, that no one would care if i was gone, that every cut i make should be deeper and deeper. William Shakespeare wrote “What greater punishment is there than life when you’ve lost everything that made it worth living?” I […]
been a domestic servant today. clean this clean that. but i have a way to make chores a little bit more interesting. mother nature is big help. crank the tunes and ignore the whole outside world for a while. in psycho speak that means isolating. maybe, maybe not. i was focused on my task and was thankful i was alone. cleaning the bathroom is not always a pleasant job. but it was ok because i was flying and up the tunes some more. while i know being alone so much isn’t much good for me but i am short on alternatives. none need not to […]
I cant stop obsessing on my last job. The boss treated me like shit and it really damaged my confidence. It was a camp job 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. I stayed for 2 turnarounds. And both were utter hell. I’ve been dealing with depression for years now and whatever happend when i went to this job this guy just triggered every insecurity i had in me. I shut down and ended up quitting and stayed in bed at home for like a week . My girl doesn’t know how to deal with me. I feel so broken and ashamed i could let this […]
so, here is my story. back 2012, i moved school so i could be a more dedicated student and stuff, but what i actually did was study like a slave for 14 hours or more. i also had all my teachers saying “how are you going to enter a university? you need to study harder” and that’s what i did. i stopped doing everything i loved, i stopped watching movies, reading books that weren’t from school, texting or calling friends, or even hanging out with friends, i also stopped listening to music (yes somehow i managed to do that) and taking pictures of myself). my […]
life fucking sucks. i really wanted to jump in front of the train today. I’m completely miserable and that’s all i could think when i was waiting for the train.
Who am I?
The only question I’ve never been able to answer.
Even as a small girl I never really knew who i was.
As if I’ve been living a lie for so long that I can no longer recognize the real me from what I’ve become.
When i think about the fact that I’ve never told anyone everything about me, I realize that I don’t even know everything about myself.
But how is that possible?
Why can’t I remember everything?
Why do I not know myself?
darkness consumes me, all of me. all i see is darkness. My mind is full of dark thoughts you see, all i want is to be set free. feeling this way all the times makes me even more depressed… i need to be saved or i need to go. i just wish that my parents loved me, i wish i didnt cut i wish i didnt depend on pills to make me feel better. i wish that i was differnt…
Im 26 today. Every day i live is another day i pray to die. How fucked up is that. I keep praying to god that he’ll just take me his own way. Car accident. Heart attack. Allergic reaction. The flu. Some crazy disease. Cancer. Being hit by a car. Even kidnapping, I dont really care anymore. Ive already been raped… Rape and murder would be better than this shit. I just dont want to get to the point where i have to do it myself. Why cant i just accidentally take the wrong step going up the stairs and, bam, thats all she wrote. Its crazy […]
I didn’t mean to do it but i did and i am sorry. It hurts but it makes me forget. I am sorry i let my family down. I promised them i would not do it and i did, I thought i out grew it but i haven’t. I thought i was strong enough but i am not. I am sorry Love you Brice, hope you can forgive me.
Hie,i am new here.And i have planned to die.Or rather,planning to do so.I have read quite a few posts here,and i believe that there is a lot of frustration,self-unworthiness and bitterness amongst each of us.
I am an 18 yr old,just completed my 12th.I have been feeling depressed since,i guess,6th std.That was the time when my father came back from oman coz he lost his job.Since childhood i probably have been a girl with a lot of self-pride.Most importantly,i always needed validation from others as to who i am.I believe that it is due to my own weakness;my inability to accept myself.Anyway,so my problems started in […]
Two nights ago, i was showering because i wanted to self harm so bad and they told me to use that as a coping skill…it worked, until i started shaving my legs hard and fast because I was thinking about it…took a whole chunk of my leg off….good thing it looks natural. I don’t know what I should do for my coping skills anymore. I used to love showers cuz they made me so tired but I always have to shave in them and it just sucks to be around razors right now. any suggestions?
so i posted part of my story on april 23rd. so i am miss reputation. before the bullying, i was a popular girl. i’m not bragging but i was a girl that people liked, and i was friends with a lot of people, they were all so nice. but then i fell in love with a boy, and we kissed, and of course he was a jerk and told everyone something else. that gave every boy the excuse to sexually harass me. girls thought i was a slut, and well that made me the perfect target for the girls who bullied me. wow, i don’t […]
ill never be good enough, ill always just be a stupid crazy whale. like yesterday when i was walking down the street and someone yelled out “whale”! and i couldnt stop crying. my boyfriend treats me like shit , but thats probably because i am a piece of shit. im crazy. and i cant live with myself anymore. i dont know how to live anymore. i cant wait til i get the balls to just down all my meds at once.
ive been madly inlove with this boy for over a year now, we dated for 9 months, before i ruined everything. my parents were fighting so bad and it just seemed that since i thought they hated me, i thought everyone else did to, including my boyfriend at the time. it was summer, i would wear jumpers constantly. n one knew about my self harming, no one knew about the drug use. i hid it so well over a period of 9 months. my problems got […]
all of my life i have felt really dumb and i didnt know what to do.it got worst in fifth grade people bullied me and made fun of me i really didnt understand why… until one day i couldnt take it anymore thats when self harming came in…. for three full years i have self harmed and it is very hard to stop. i finally 3 months ago.i never have ben this happy.all of my life…… i was a depressed little girl until 3 months ago.im set free. finally i know why i was depressed because of my past and what i have seen.from a […]
Have you ever heard that saying..”Karma is a *****?” I been hearing that all my 19 years of my life so far and i actually agree with it. It is a fucken ***** -_-. Im not your typical ” Black girl” people call me a “white chocolate person” or ” oreo” because im not rude or disrespectful or all in your face about everything. i was bullied hardcore about myself. i dont like hip hop or rap, i dont braid hair and all that stereotype shit. it might shock you that im a vegetarian. aha yeah i can see why people call me the names […]
i have sat down so many times and contemplated how to end my life how my time i have tried and how scared i have felt and chickend out of it, i was abused at a very young age i just want closure and a way to let it all go….
at a very young age maby 5 or 6 i was molested by my babysitters husband i remeber him putting his hands in my pants every night i stayed over her house and mom worked late. he would wait till everyone was alseep and come to the living room and touch me while lay there i […]
Everyone stares at me, i can’t breath. put on a smiling face but nothing is real, i feel hollow and empty everyday. I dont know if i can take this lie anymore.
When i was 13 i was raped, i dropped out after that.
nobody knows why i stopped going to school… the depression just got to be too much. i tried to kill myself and thats when my mother stopped pestering me everyday about getting on the bus, then this year… i thought my life got better. my depression wasnt so bad, so i tried to get back in school, they gave me the option to […]
Where to begin, i know you read tons of those stories and thinking everyone you read is the same but it isn’t, story is what happen to me. when i was 7 everyone made fun of how i talk and looked.i was feeling lost in the world. I was bullied everyday and i got pushed off a play structure and i black out. I have blackouts tons of times, i never tell anybody because all my life my siblings always had me to tell my parents i did what ever was broking or missing so i got tired of trying to tell the […]
The beginning  of January I became depressed at first i didn’t think i was i thought it was because i didn’t believe it, i went to talk to someone nd i got some medication and it worked for a month until i had lost control, my step dad was in a metal worker so he knows what to do but when i feel depress try everything i can to find ways to kill myself. I look at my siblings and want to be them. I wanted to die but now i want to get better