rushed post but here it goes….

i have sat down so many times and contemplated how to end my life how my time i have tried and how scared i have felt and chickend out of it, i was abused at a very young age i just want closure and a way to let it all go….

at a very young age maby 5 or 6 i was molested by my babysitters husband i remeber him putting his hands in my pants every night i stayed over her house and mom worked late. he would wait till everyone was alseep and come to the living room and touch me while lay there i never knew that it was bad and never spoke up because it felt good.this went on till the age of 12 he never penetrated just rubbed. i was raped by a boy whom i trusted with my life and to this day i still see him around were i live this happend to me three summers ago i was 18 years old it happend in his house while we were going to drop off his bike. i always blamed myself it was always my fault. i have also gotten pregnant twice both times condoms were used and i was on the pill i aborted both because i could not raise a child with a jail bird and the second time was a mutual choice with an ex. i hve dropped out worked at a dead end job and smoked weed heavy and tried cutting myself and even tried overdosing on pills i just feel like i should be dead although things have gotten slightly better i am a freshmen in college i still cant let go of my past