I’ve never liked when someone asked me how i was feeling because it seems like no one understood that i didn’t have the answer to that question. People only see emotions as black or white and they don’t realize the grey area that is between. People get frustrated with me because i always answer ”i don’t know” to that question and they ask ”how can you not know what you’re feeling?” well i don’t get it either because sometimes i don’t just feel sad or happy. I can’t even tell them that i feel numb because they wouldn’t understand that either. ”How can you feel […]
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I’ve been reading some posts on here for a few days and it’s helped a bit. I guess i was curious if anyone felt the same way i felt. I’ve had depression my whole life. I was sent to a psychologist when i was 8. There she told me i had chronic depression and a bunch of other crap. I’ve just kind of bottled my feelings inside my whole life. It wasn’t until i hit 16/17 years old where i realized it was okay to feel this way. Well.. not okay.. but that i wasn’t alone or a freak for it. Anyways.. i’ve still pushed […]
so far im my life i have screw things up!
relationships
friends
parents
family
to them. im just a piece of shit.
i have thought about my suicide again. it stopped but has came back in every way to hurt me.
i thought suicide was just a phase for me of what i was going through when my dad treated me like shit.
now it has came back. and i screwed up again. one of the most important thing to me. the happiest thing i have ever felt. but i screwed it up. and now all i can do is cry and feel like. nothing.
Expressing my feelings has always been
hard for me, mostly because i don’t even understand myself. One day i can feel really happy and then others i can feel like ending my life. Does anyone else feel this way? I can’t take feeling this way anymore its like a constant never ending battle in my head…I hate myself sooo..much. I would end it all but i know my little brother would be devistated if i was gone. And i would never want to hurt my brother..i would never want him to feel like me. Thats why i always put on my fake smile when i’m […]
I let people down in my life, i don’t have my a h.s diploma, or a ged. i let myself down, i’m 23 now, i don’t have a job, i am on probation for 6 years for something so stupid that i did 4 years ago.. i feel like such a failure, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, she’s the smartest and most beautiful person in the world, people tell her she could be a model. i was so happy to have her, she told me i never changed, i used to drink every night, i have anxiety, i’m afraid to go […]
what was i, what have i become. i am only getting more and more corrupted. i wanted to, didn’t i? when i couldn’t find a way out of it, i decided to get more into it. taste of lie, taste of corruption!
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.†– Dostoevsky
i wanted to test it. and i was so confident […]
Well hello there beautiful people of the universe how is everyone doing? It’s been awhile since i’ve been here. My depression started when i was 12ish in 7th grade and i thought i was getting better because i decided that i didn’t want to feel like shit anymore and became positive and i didn’t want to die by eighth grade i was happy or so i thought. Anyways i was good and mentally stable for a whole year before i turned 15 and it all went to shit again. For people who don’t know i got hit by a city bus and you know survived […]
Hello everybody.  I am speechless (as you can see). I joined here because i am really weak at making decisions (like death or life, joy or sadness..). I mean i and my mind are living different lives. On one day i make about three- four mind changes. I just don’t  know which one I am right now. I am always copying someone. I mean i can be myself (sometimes) but  mostly i’m trying  to be someone different. i always  think too much. i was in mental hospital. i was in mental hospital for month, i wanted to stay there more. i don’t even know why […]
its not my fault i was born this way. its not my fault this has happened to me. im so sorry! i have tried so hard. it doesn’t matter. i am letting down those who i love the most. i cant live like this…
My life has sucked since a young age. I’ve cut since I was 11. that sucks. my dad always brought me down and my mom said i was a mistake. Every night I hear them scream at each other. My sisters and brother hate me and arent afraid to say it. Im bisexual and have homophobic parents i can never tell. i have 3 attempts but none have worked obviously. i need it to work..i can take my dads gun once i find the courage too. nobody cares..i really want this.
i just made the previous post i apologise for my behaviour yeh i was in a deep coma for over a week and near death i came out of it i went into it with such megolomania and expierences i cant explain but i still want to say i feel and know in my heart nothing is to fear and love is forever no point going into it looll
I have come to a realisation about myself. I have realised i am beyond my own control. I usto think that I could rule my mind with an iron fist, that i could stop the darkness, with nothing but my will. It vexed me, Oh how it vexed me when i failed but then i realised something. I realised the reason i failed was because i was not ment to succeed. Why would i be ment to change what and who I am?
I have faught the darkness in me for far too long. Now i realise i was never ment to fight it, I […]
I’m so tired, i cant take it anymore, i thought i was getting better even the thoughts had left my head, then they just came crashing back and now it’s just like it was before. I cant tell my family, they thought i was getting better how can i tell them it was just an act. that i still feel the crushing loneliness, the hatred inside. How do i survive? I don’t have anyone, nobody seems to care  and the ones i thought did care, just turn their backs on me. I just want someone to look at me and tell im not alone. But […]
about a week back i was so stressed and bugged out i couldnt remember my password for shit and i needed to vent bad. i couldnt though bcuz of a fuckm password. all this resulted in was me getting more and more worked up. i tried resetting by going through the steps but every second felt as though an entire life went by and i couldnt get the thought of making my life actually end. i didnt want to be here anymore. instead of coming here i went online to look at different ways to commit suicide and watch videos of others committing the act. […]
so basically. today. i went shopping with my mom. she started yelling at me and telling mw how negative i am and how that’s why no one wants to be around me. i plugged in my music and blasted it ignoring her and left the store. I walked to where the second floor has a hole looking way down to the first floor. for a moment i was overcome with the urge to just jump off. it would have been so easy guys. but my mom tapped me on the shoulder and i pulled out my earplugs as she started to yell again and we […]
Hi,
An MBA in Finance, worked in Frankfurt, London, Zurich and now jobless in my hometown India. I lost my job 7 months ago. Have 7 years of work experience in financial sector. I have a home and car loan on my head. Till last month i was able to manage these loans and my daily expenses with all my savings. But from March 2014 i will have no house, no food, no loan money, nothing; as all my saving are over. The biggest of all is I have a credit card payment of 2000 USD to be paid by feb end and I have nothing […]
Hi there everyone! my name is Katie and i recently just stumbled upon this place and i decide to make an account and tell you guys my story and maybe help someone who is in need of something like this ;P I’ve never done this before so give me some slack ^.^ Alright well the first part of my story starts when i was in 3rd grade. I was a bit chubby back then (still a bit now) and was pretty much the only chubby kid in my school my school was very small and was a traditional baptist church/school everyone new everyone. And you […]
i havent posted in about three years and its absolutely crazy how much has changed. i was a deeply depressed little girl but now im a mildy depressed teenager! great. Â Its weird how i can be the happiest ball of fucking light and next wanting to jump in front of a 16 wheeler. I have no friends that i have actual connections with. but hey not complaining cause i love being with myself. and another odd thing about myself which i still cant figure out is the fact that im vain as hell but loathe myself at the same damn time? I think im the […]
i’m drunk as shit right  now, otherwise i wouldn’t be posting this. i want to end it all so bad but i can not because i don’t want to hurt my family and friends. first post to this site, feel free to comment whatever you like. i really want some help but don’t actually believe any of it exists  for me. sorry for the incoherent babble. if i was brave enough to post sober i would have.
i want nothing but death
i have not told what i saw
oh dear! i think i am becoming god
ive offended mankind bcuz my work dint reach the quality it shud have –davin-c
why do u weep do u think i was immortal?
one last drink please
i hope i haven’t bored you
i die hard but am not afraid to do so
money can’t buy life
am bored with it all
last words are for foolish who haven’t said enough -marx