Okay so here’s the thing, those of you who have read my posts before know that I’m against what mankind is making out of our earth and all the new machinery/technology that is being created. I’m a tree huggin-ground loving hippie, if you will. But, the more I’m in the city the more my hatred grows. The more I wish for some miracle to happen where it breaks down and destroys every bridge, building, house, tower anything. I don’t even want to walk outside my door anymore. Fuck I miss the country so bad you have no idea. (Random thing kinda) As I was laying […]
Tag:
in my head
Everyday I find myself hating my own life over and over again. He.. They just don’t get it. He.. They never will. I try to live my life as much as I can and I seem to not want it more and more as I go on. I have wanted to die for awhile now. It has been so hard to go on and I can’t seem to do it anymore. Every time I get close to doing so, there seems to be hope and I lose it. I lose it instantly and I am not happy. I haven’t been truly happy in a long time. I […]
I know no one one is really listening, but I have no where else to go…………
Well I fucked up again, for the 3 millionth time. I posted something on facebook and I was in my head if you know what I mean. I said something about my family (well my moms side) and it was about money. I said ” november, but being nice enough anymore people are going to treat you like shit no matter what you do especially if you dont have a job even your brothes treat you like shit no matter what you do when it comes to people liking you […]
After having spent the last 20 or so years struggling to figure myself out, I feel as though I have a crystal clear understanding of myself. I guess you could say that I spent these past 20 years looking into my abyss. I found myself there.
People always say that suicide is not the answer. But what if it genuinely is? The human mind can only take so much and I feel as though I’ve lived through an eternity already and I’m 34. I struggled through a very isolated childhood as I’ve posted before and seen horrors that no child should […]
For someone who spends most of his time thinking, I’m pretty damn shallow.
by thehusk
written by thehusk
Since I was 12 or 13 (over half my life ago), my mind has been consumed to an ever increasing extent by longing. By lust. Though I like to tell myself it’s love – that it’s somehow special.
Behind all my other thoughts is the constant desire to be with whoever I’m most attracted to at the time. Not to be in a real relationship, but to be with the idealised version of them that I’ve created in my head.
This is obviously pretty destructive, since it identifies meaning and happiness with a virtually impossible ideal. But I don’t feel like I can let it go. Something […]
I’m new here..and I just desperately need to type this out with the anonymity that comes with the internet. I’m so..very tired. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Since I was little..maybe 7 I became withdrawn. Depression rose and finally last year when I was 24 I finally collapsed when the anxiety decided to come out full blown. My mother took to immediate care once she found me 4 times curled up sobbing for no reason. By that time I had taken off work, my grades were garbage, I had stopped eating, stopped everything but lay in bed and cry. My father says it’s in my […]
Spent the past weeks in hospital after yet another failed attempt at taking my life. I wanna turn my life around. Maybe it ain’t my time to go yet. I’m still going to give life another shot. Got a great job offer. Will start as soon as I leave the hospital.
Suicidal thougts still linger in my head but I made them my ally now. They are pretty managable. I still hope to work to earn enough money for a peaceful exit. But until then, there’s a lot of ass I gotta kick and there’s also a whole lot of ass to admire lol. 🙂 I […]
Soon it’ll be our anniversary. Thirteen years of the 29 I’ve spent on this earth…When we first told each other we loved each other you said to me you couldn’t promise a future because you weren’t even sure you’d stay in town. I told you I understood. While you may have meant physical location; I meant a physical end. I’ve struggled since I was twelve with this indescribable sadness in my soul. I’ve tried to think about the future, our plans and dreams lately but I keep hitting a wall. November is inside me. It’s gnawing at me like a slow leaking faucet. I feel […]
Make them stop I beg
Get them out please!
They’re all in my head,
Voices.
Calling out so loud
“End your life now
Make us ev’r so proud,”
Voices.
(now read it backwards)
When did you ever leave?
I didn’t
Where the fuck are you?
I’m still here
I’m going to let go
But you can’t…can you
No I guess I can’t let her go. I never have been able to. I still hold her hand in mine, I still look into her eyes, I still hear her voice in my head. I can still feel her presence…as if she’s standing next to me. Is she? Am I crazy? Am I ever going to be able to forget? No Rory you can’t let her go can you, you weak fuck. […]
I have a question for those who suffer from social anxiety or variations of such. My question is a matter of how the world is seen to you, through your eyes. For me I want to lay in bed with my eyes closed, alone in my thoughts. Â I prefer to have someone that I know in the background but they remain just that, in the background. Â I tend to be aloof though I don’t mean to be… walking around the house can seem overwhelming at times, there is simply too much information. On that front, the world is data to me and I’m […]
From the moment we met I knew I wanted to be with you
There was no one else but you
No one could make me smile but you
No one could take the pain away but you
These 4 years have been amazing because of you
But we have had some rocky paths due to me and you
Lately I have been feeling very low because of you
We have good and bad times because of you
When I have urges they are taken away because of you
I want to live because of you
All I do is for you
I try to be brave because of you
I don’t know if I would still be […]
and see people delete their posts and accounts,
people fade away or suddenly disappear,
arguments and long, carefully written comments left just to show someone they care.
Something’s been rising in my head again, and reading through this site makes it more alive. It makes suicide seem more possible. That seems dangerous to me now, but it’s also a relief to be somewhere where it’s not something you have to keep hidden. It’s a relief just to see it written about.
Is there anyone else here who’s been away for a while? I’ve been back from time to time but I’ve spent more time here in the past few […]
Round and round it goes in my head. Can’t kill myself. Can’t do that to my family. I owe them everything, and it would destroy them.
But can’t go on living with this overwhelming sadness. Can’t keep going through the motions. Can’t keep pretending I have a life. Can’t stand this longing anymore. Can’t go on being alone, but can never feel any real connection with anyone. Can’t keep hating myself, but can’t be anything better, no mattter how hard I try. Can’t keep fighting a battle I’m never going to win. Can’t bear to be the one who everyone pities anymore, a worthless loser. Can’t […]
I am a girl who is 19 years old. For years I have always contemplated suicide. I have physically harmed myself in many ways, including hitting my head against stuff, punching walls, and cutting up my hands. Recently, I have been thinking into deeper matters. Life usually is supposed to get better, right? Doesn’t occur in my case. Regardless of what goes on in my life, no matter how positive I am in all situations, nothing ever good happens. Yes I hear the whole it gets better speech, everything anybody can name and all the stuff from the books. I’ve heard personal experiences and all […]
Hello whoever is reading this.
I hope your life, day, week, hasnt been shitty like some people on here. I know i shouldnt sound so selfish but god i cant take any of this anymore. Does anyone understand how hard it is looking in the mirror HATING what you see? because trust me i know the feeling. You look in the mirror and all your fears just get bottled up and thrown at you, right? I dont know if its just me, or society creating this image in my head of how i should look. I am 5’7 and weigh 128.2 pounds. i use to weigh […]
I have been laying her for at least 10 hours. I thought it was gonna be an easy night. Â But of course the voices in my head say otherwise. I look at my dog in envy as he just lays there. I wanna go to sleep. I haven’t had a dream in soooo long. Â Maybe one day I will. One day it will just be a really long dream that’s perfect just for me. Or is that what heaven is? Maybe on days on earth is just a nightmare and when we wake up…Or what if its just some type of limbo where its just […]
I want to kill the fucking voices in my head, I feel suffocated
They love to torture me until I sleep.
I want to be alright, I really do but they yell at me horrible things.
“WHORE” “UGLY” “WORTHLESS” “YOU SHOULD DIE NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE” “INVISIBLE” “POINT LESS” “WASTE” “FRUSTATED” “TALENT LESS” “KEEP CUTTING, KEEP STARVING KEEP SELF HARMING YOU REALLY DESERVE IT” “YOU ARE A SUICIDE PSYCHO ***** THAT’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE”
I just want them to stop, I’m not that kind of mean person. JUST STOP.
Isn’t it funny how you can have people all around you but feel so lonely? I feel guilty because I have a good life- a good job, a husband, a nice house, a family that cares about me. I just can’t seem to find any happiness in it. We have a gun in our home and I find myself fantasizing about how easy it would be to end it all. Then I chicken out because I’m useless.
Why can’t I just be normal? I am faking being put together every day and it’s so exhausting I just can’t do it anymore. I just want to fall […]
I still haven’t moved on from that fight between me and a bunch of fake friends.
The pain in my head just makes everything worse.
Half-heartedly, I tried my best to look strong. But to no success.
Under the rain, I would be weeping as I kept thinking about it.
Rather than having a fun young life, I refused to do so. I am always at home.
The atmosphere between me and those backstabbers will be awkward on school days.
Sadly, I can’t avoid it as we are in the same class.
Now what do I feel? Put all the initials of every paragraph together.
IT HURTS