Let me start off by saying I’m not new on this forum and that I have been suffering for a while now and I can’t take it anymore. I’m almost 17 years old and I have been fighting severe depression for several years now. This will be my last year of being in high school and I don’t even know if i’m going to graduate on stage with my class. I’m to stupid to even pass some of my classes as my anxiety and depression kicks in and I can’t focus or concentrate in any of my classes. There is this one test that my entire grade passed besides me because i’m to stupid to even pass it. I have been going to the same school for several years as well and I haven’t seen a change at all. I don’t think i’ll ever see a change in my sad pathetic pointless life, not to mention I overthink and stress most of the time.
I’m not the weird type and I’m always nice to people around me, i’m a regular dude. People tend to ignore me and only remember me when they need something from me. I have no friends and I’m always lonely at school, I end up going into the bathroom stalls to hide or find a group of fake friends to hang out with to not look like a fucking loner or a loser. The fake friends I hang out with end up leaving me behind most of the time. On the weekends I just go into my room and isolate myself, I sometimes end up starving myself or not sleeping at all. Also the friends I used to have don’t even bother calling me anymore, it’s like I’m dead to them. I am going to live alone and die alone for the rest of my miserable life. I’m a failure in life and I just can’t wait to put a bullet in my head soon, I can’t live like this anymore.
4 comments
Hi, I’ve never been on this site before. I saw your post and felt the need to comment, otherwise I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I know what you’re feeling, and I would hate when people said that to me. But I really do, I’ve been there and it’s the hardest thing to go through. I’m only a couple of years older than you, I’ve finished high school and let me tell you it only gets better. When I was in high school I wanted to end my life, I hated myself, my family, my friends, my whole life. I didn’t think there was any other way out except to end the pain. I chose to live, and it’s a struggle, it’s just as hard and some days are worse than others. But now I’m the happiest person my family and friends know. Time really does heal pain, and all I can guarantee you is that time will heal you if you let it. Stay strong because you are worth something, I believe it. You’re not stupid, trust me, I was failing maths in high school and I was last in many of my classes!! Now I’m hoping to go on and become a doctor! It takes work and positive energy but I believe it’s worth it. You’re worth it and you owe it to yourself to keep holding on and pass through this time. At the moment it seems like high school will never end and there is no hope, but once you get on the other side you will realise how big the world is and how much there is to learn and explore. You say you don’t believe in yourself and no one cares. Well I don’t know anything about you, but I care, you will be in my thoughts all day. I care about you and I think you are worth something, I believe everyone has something to give back to this world, even if it’s your happiness, that’s enough. Some things I do to help me through a tough day firstly talking to myself, in the mirror, deep breathing, and writing to myself. I always tell myself I’m worth something, I’m beautiful and I’m strong and can get through anything. You should give it a try! If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here.
I can relate to you so much. I was in the same situation as you are right now. I thought I wasn’t going to graduate because of me constantly missing school because of my anxiety and depression. I did it somehow and I believe you can do it too. I didn’t overcome anything but I did push myself to graduate. Once high school is over it gets better believe me. You have to try to believe in yourself because you’ve made it this far for a reason. You belong here at least for the little bit of time we have on this horrible place people like to call earth.
I’d love to say it will get better when you are older but I’m now in my 40s and it really doesn’t. I’ve been suicidal since I was 13. If I had a dollar for each time I’d wanted to die, I’d never have to work again.
Buddy, I know this is going to sound cliche but at least wait…
I’m just now 40, and at 17 I had similar thoughts. My life after high school has been so vastly better than being 17 I can’t even put it into words.
My 20’s became pretty cool. My 30’s were amazing. I learned who I was and how to deal with my issues (although to be fair I dealt with them by drinking way too much for a long time).
Think about it this way… If you are gonna do it, at least go do some fun shit first! Go do something you love (I became a software engineer and now do startup companies). Go on a vacation to some random 3rd world country with a beach and a bunch of naked people. Why the fuck not? You can’t un-die, but you can live some first.
Hell, go do scary shit. I damn near died in Cambodia, but you know what? I went to the middle of fucking nowhere Cambodia!
If you are thinking you have nothing to offer, and don’t know what to do? Go teach English in some random place. Doesn’t pay a lot, but fuck, you get to see some neat places!
Live, before you die.
-T