I’m trying to endure, hope against hope, but the obvious is staring me in the face… nothingness, nothing really to look forward to, I’m alone. One night stands are easy and empty – I can’t cope any longer, time is drawing nigh.
in the
It started when I moved schools. I thought this would be a fresh start but one of my old best friends decided to ruin it since I was “taking her place”. She told the entire school I sent this boy nudes and that I stalked the most popular boy in our grade who was my guy best friend. Then to make it even worse she told my group “the populars” who excepted me and took me in that I called the head volleyball player in our school fat for no reason. I got home from gymnatics and had no idea this had even happend yet […]
I have been suicidal for over 8 years now. At times it gets better but recently it’s been getting worse. I think about it a lot. The only thing that prevents me from doing it is my son. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep going for him.
Back story:
I was in the military for almost 10 years when I got divorced. At first it was fun then I started to get lonely, I tried to get my ex wife back but she wanted nothing to do with me unless it dealt with […]
“cut my arm as many times as you would cut yours”
words from my sister, i told her that i would never hurt her the way i hurt myself.
I held her as tight as i could as she cried in my wounded arms. She cleaned the blood and bandaged me up and said never to do it again, and continued crying. Every time i think to cut i remember that, but it still doesn’t stop me. I am so messed up, i don’t hate it anymore. I can tolerate it, i can live with it now. Is that weird? Many think so, even my shrink thinks […]
im really fucked up in the head & i just want to die so i can be at peace but im too afraid to kill myself im extremly miserable that im still here … why dont i have the balls to end it ? death is all i think about i even wish i get sick with cancer or something so i can die cause im too scared to do it myself …. i want to go im tired of being/felling sad,miserable,worthless,unloved,invisible,ugly,unhappy etc IM JUST TIRED & READY TO GO
All my problems have been fixed, I’m making friends I’m talking to people but I’m still a fucking basket case. There’s only a few weeks left until I decide whether or not I’m going through with this… Even when I’ve had my best days theres still loneliness and isolation lurking in the background, I’m tired of false fronts and pretenses and feeling like an outcast even when I’m not one. I’m tired of feeling so fucking angsty and so fucking shitty and being a ***** about things, I’m just really tired and only if I end it all can I rest
Well, I’m starting Prozac.
Can you OD on it? Maybe that’ll be a good thing to stack up with my Klonopin, Zoloft, Seroquel, and capsule full of Benadryl/whatever other kind of headache medicine I found in the kitchen (if I do decide to OD…I’m iffy about that type of exit). Although since I’m stopping those two drugs and only taking Klonopin as needed, if I were to take a bunch at once maybe it’ll be a complete shocker to my system. Then again, I seem to be unaffected by meds half the time so I’m probably going to fail in an OD attempt.
I’m so frustrated with my […]
im used to being alone and not having anyone to talk to….but im feeling really fucked up right now….nobody fucking cares and i dont think anyone ever will….maybe i should take his advice…”just keep on cutting. you worthless piece of shit.”
like, really? i’m being totally serious. i keep hearing stories about people taking pills and ending up in the hospital and all of that – but… what if the person isn’t found? i mean.. if somebody was to take an entire bottle, of say tylenol for example, in a secluded area with nobody to rescue them. would they not eventually die after being passed out for a while? assuming they passed out before vomiting? or something? i just really really don’t want to fuck this up 🙁
I have thought about committing suicide quite a few times, but I don’t have the guts to go through with it. I’m a burden on my family. My wife and kids would be so much better off without me. They could have a new “Dad” in their lives who didn’t screw things up and make a mess of everything. They might even get some insurance money to help them pay off the debt we’ve incurred because of me. I know it would hurt them and I know that many will say it’s selfish to commit suicide, but I’m not sure of another way to ensure […]
So more psychological BS by someone who’s intentionally trying to screw around with my life….. I’m kind of over it and it’s pathetic that no one can state what’s going on….. kind of a pathetic world we live in, but I shouldn’t be intentionally forced out of an industry of or towns or of anywhere…… but that’s seems to be what’s happening because some people are really really screwed up….God help them…. and in the meantime I’ll hold enough faith that things work out for my personal situation spending and hour and half on a bridge is never a good thing – but it’s my […]
I’ve seen too many things painful in my lifetime. Too many painful memories. When I was in sixth grade, I learned of a type of music called screamo, and a type of people called emos. I loved being a part of them, they actually felt more human than others. I got bullied for hanging out with them, liking the songs/bands. My dad almost went to jail, and he was the only one who could make me smile at that point. My mum vocally abused me, so the scars would be in my heart, not skin. My dad was the only thing I had. After awhile […]
For the uninitiated, narcissism is a personality disorder that has (almost) nothing to do with vanity, as we commonly understand it. In a nutshell, “their behavior tends to be erratic, manipulative and centered around themselves. In some cases, a person suffering from this condition can become both physically and emotionally abusive…”
“Typically, those with this condition are unable to relate to the emotions of other people, and see any form of criticism as a personal attack. They may react with extreme rage or violence in these situations, or turn the words of their perceived attacker around to make themselves look like victims.”
A little background: my mother […]
“The Sound Of Silence” is track #12 on the album Old Friends Live on Stage. It was written by Traditional, . / Mcglynn, Michael Philip
Hello Darkness my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted
In my brain still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams, I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash
Of a neon light that split the night
In my teens, I was diagnosed with bipolar paranoid schizophrenia. I’m currently 26, without insurance, and no way to afford therapy or medication.
I’ve attempted suicide twice before, first by ingesting a large number of different pills (blood thinners, sleeping pills, basically everything in the cabinet) and the second by ingesting rat poison. I continue to practice self-harm, mostly by tearing at my arms with my nails, or beating myself in the head, for the sake of not hurting someone else because the fact is I want to. I’m angry at everyone all the time, and it has only gotten worse in recent months since my […]
Nobody knows what, if anything at all, happens in this hypothetical afterlife. However, knowing what I know about the current world or realm I am in, and where things are going here, and knowing that the better part of my life is already behind me, I am looking at it much like this; if there is an afterlife, maybe I can become a ghost and live forever in a younger and happier state, maybe not. Even if there isn’t anything beyond this, well, zero is greater than negative numbers. In essence, no life at all is better than a life of pain and suffering. At […]
Iv decided that tomorrow afternoon is the perfect day for me to kill my self. I live with just my mom and sister and they’re leaving out of town for three days early tomorrow morning at about 5am. The last words my mom told me is I don’t want you to be here (in my house) when I get back. I’m gonna do something even better for her when they leaves later that day I’m gonna lock my self in my room nail it shut with a nail gun. Then I’m going to shoot myself in the head. She chose some great last words for […]
I can’t pay my bills because my new boss decided we didn’t need an in-house I.T. person. Forget that I’ve been at this organization for over ten years, have almost 30 years in the business and am only paid about 60% of the market rate for my role. Forget that I have been a one-person I.T., E.H. and S., Telecommunications and Facilities department plus doing all the document control and a million other things. This narcissistic pig was Board Chair before they became an “interim” Executive Director when my former boss quit (or was forced out, nobody’s talking about it) and although I’ve been well […]
The thing that i hate about therapy is that every time you walk in the first thing they ask you is “how do you feel today?” and honestly when my therapist asks me that question i can never find the answer to it. I do not know how i feel, i am left speechless from such a simple question. Every time they tell me there is something wrong with me, i feel like i am an outcast, being left out from many things because of my depression, taking two different kinds of pills just so i can be normal? What is that? Taking pills to […]
I find out Thursday if I’m going to lose my house in the divorce. He has spent well over $100,000 of my money and jerks off to “Rape Galaxy,” yet is a very prominent person in the Jewish world. I’m not starting my life all over again at 50. He can have the house so my daughter can continue to be raised here. August 8 can’t come soon enough.