My mother is a narcissist. My mother is a professional victim. My mother is a fine actress although she’s never been on stage. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to breathe without her permission, input, critique, or criticism. She convinced people that she was a loving mother — a little overprotective, perhaps — but a loving mother and a devoted, long-suffering wife. All that came out of her mouth were sighs of her having to endure my volatile father and her shit daughter. Not my sister — she went to medical school so she’s an expert on every subject. I’m the lawyer, and hence, the moron in the family. My daughter and I […]
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so i had originally set up to post about “the date” a.k.a the day of my death. but my mind wandered off sexually and its a bit of a nuisance because then my mind got dredged up into old memories with people with whom would agree would have been better in the sense of different if there wasn’t any more human communication or even the thought of connecting
Here I am, once again, depressed. Reality finally caught me and punched me hard in the face. But this time, I have nobody to talk about it. I’m so complicated, people get sick and tired of me. I mean, people don’t really care for me. And when there’s someone who actually does, I wish that person didn’t. It’s stupid isn’t it? I need help, but I push aside everyone who tries to help. And I say “tries” because I’m such a fucking mess and I’m the only one who understands myself, and still, I can’t figure out who am I. And if I can’t figure […]
Recruit.
The first album. The man to his death.
Abyssal, abyssal. I am the only one counting the number.
There is no number, here in this singularity.
Today, burnt away again. Army of Seraphim. I need to die. Take me.
The new age begins with the walking, death, and the white horse.
The ancient text, the journey to the holy pilgrimage. Death…. is a number.
I am an obliterated splattered rot. Transmogrification of hell.
Build me an iron mask. The warrior, to the fight of the story of the living hell.
We gonna be heading, to the Squatch. Did you hear about the Star-Child skull yet?
I’m just gonna throw this out there. I am mentally and spiritually broken. I have been laid off twice in the last two years. Married with two kids. Was active in church. Was very close to losing my house. Was unable to pay my bills had power and gas getting turned off almost monthly. I found out real quickly who really cares about you when you hit rock bottom which turned out to be no one. I thought my wife was my best friend in this world but I swear she has cheated on me with a co worker. She went and partied with this […]
Okay. So I haven’t wrote here in a year…I guess I thought things were getting slightly better…they’re not. Life sucks. Now I’m 20. In college…and I just want to drop out soo bad, but at the same time, I really want to be a nurse so I have to keep going right? I feel like such a failure. Because, I might not graduate on time, and I feel as if all my friends are graduating and going to get nice jobs and start their life. And then there’ me who is still struggling to even get up in the morning. I still hate the way […]
OK so I was just and average 12 year old until I entered sixth grade and I had a crush on this boy Jonathon*. He knew I liked him so he started calling me ugly, fat,ect.  He also told me to go cut myself and die, so I did what he wanted I watched the blood go down my arm as I got weaker and weaker I stopped for my mom cause she threatened to put me in a mental  hospital,  so I stated to cut in nonnoticable places like legs ankles thighs.  So moving on to the beginning of this year.  I’m still twelve. […]
Damn, now where can I purged.
Asking for a child, for in the name of the god.
Seeking. Abyssal lost. One in a billion.
All I can do. Nothing I can do. So just do it.
But what to do, like the meaning of my name.
The protector of the sun.
Tamed in abyssal, the Titans.
We the Humans, now like the ants.
Every hit. Every line. Beautiful music.
The melody, and the chain. Devil helds you by the iron ball.
I am a fucked up puppet, my true self, has never been shown.
The masquerade, the façade, the charade, what was the last one….
Hades, sitting in the shade. The shadow. Beast Vs. Kid Death.
Wow. Down, getting […]
If you read my last post you’d understand.. I just can’t do anything right. Ever since I let my weed dealer drive my car without a license and wreck my life has been havoc. He got 6 months jail, but my 7 grand is gone.. My parents are so disappointed with me. My day consists of waking up for school, having dad take me, being forced to go to my parents friends house till 9PM every night basically as a sitter till my dad gets out of class. The car ride home is 25 minutes and all we do is fight and he tells me […]
Isn’t is funny how easily auto-pilot comes on in the very darkest of days? The lies flow so smoothly. I talk about fixing my car, getting an apartment. I continue my discussions about long-term career goals. All the while, I stare at the person I’m talking to, wondering distantly if this will be the last time I talk to them. It’s just that everyone seems so far away at this point. My plans have become my obsession. I have tunnel vision. Besides a vague, quickly released thought, I can’t allow myself to think too deeply about them and the effects my actions will have. But […]
Or God, maybe you’re the same thing…
Anyway,
Why do you do this to me? The lonely nights where you wish someone was there just to sit next to you and chat in the late hours of the night about nothing in particular. Just to get your mind off of what you want most – eternal sleep.
I have so much love to give and lately it’s been given in the wrong places. Maybe I’ve just come to accept it. That it’s going to be a part of my twisted life. But there’s something about this…like perhaps we were meant to be one day. I don’t know. I […]
Look! See the loverless boy. He watches the planes take off. Only in the dawn when the sun is low. Only in the night when the moon is bright. Oh loverless boy! Your eyes will see the world from space. You will sings the songs of a different race. Loverless boy why do you worry? This place is only temporary. You wanna love a another one but that one there is only human. You wanna hold her soul inside, you want your bodies to collide. Loverless boy remember your duty. Your mission is a bigger story. Go now back to see the planes. They’ll keep […]
My favorite thing in the world is being there for someone like us. I am 17, a junior in HS, and I have 7 MS girls who are just like me. Cutters, suicidals. I can only help so much. Today, to get one to stop, I put my blade to my arm, on a line I have thinned out from my elbow to wrist, just in case I ever need to do it. It’s a pain to watch them worry, but a relief to watch them stop. I’ve gone back to cutting, though. What gives me the right to stop others when I can’t stop […]
I feel that I can’t take it anymore I started getting my affairs in order last night I am writing my letters to the ones I will leave behind. But I stop and wonder why even write them anything I sit alone day after day as if I am the only one here anyways so would it even make a difference or a affect on them if I am no longer. If anything it would probably  relieve them of any burden I cause in their life’s. That’s what I am the burden in this thing called life but I call punishment. I try each day everyday to fight […]
for fucks sake or ffs…
I don’t know why I’m such a liar to myself.
miserable few months.
one good day, one good day!
and I just think yay.
depression is gone,
and the truth. no, no it’s not.
it’s in the bathroom it’ll be back soon.
I just haven’t felt good in a long time and I felt good yesterday. then the impending doom of my situation weighed back on my shoulders this morning and a day in bed and no eating ensued.
I think I would just like to do something about this,
instead of facing the false hopes of future days.
you’re bi-polar buddy.
-2Oblivion
I’m tired of everything. I am 21 and can’t find a job. I failed out of college when my mother was in the hospital and now my dad calls me a wasted investment. My family doesn’t have a car and I can’t get to a job even when I find one. My **** of a sisiter treats me like a piece of dog shit and calls me stupid when I was going to pay a neighbor to take me to work.
Truth is, I have always been depressed since being hit regularly as a child, whether it was with hands, leg casts, or something else my […]
May 19, 2014
Listen Up Dumbfucks:
Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like everyone of you “sane” people.
I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V., radio or MySpace. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained […]
I came across this site a long time ago when I was going through a rough patch, and the url has always remained in the back of my mind. Those dark days were then pushed out by a new precence in my life – would you believe it, a girl. She gave me my strength back, and I became totally dependent on her, she made me happy, despite being unfaithful, unappreciative and generally all round nasty when she’d been drinking. I spent everything I earned in an attempt to make her happy, to the point that i’m now £5500 in debt.
She’s gone now, completely cut […]
… registered here. So far hasn’t been so bad other than that cluster fuck that caused me to register in the first place. See, we can all be kind to each other when we want to. Maybe, maybe it’s just my inability to get pissed off anymore that I wonder why others get so mad over silly things so easily. But I do appreciate the hospitality you all have shown me since I announced my pressence here on SP. Good Vibrations to you all, and may you be able to wade through the shit in your lives and travel the extreme dissonance you need to trek through to have a better life. […]
Drunken Religion:
On the off chance the inspiration in me
Is genuine and not a result of the chemical mix within me
I present myself to the universe whole
And request forgiveness for the sin that breeds beauty within me when I can’t feel my soul
My inhibitions turn up dead
Life is crazy and I can’t decide whether God only exists in my head
False bravado is the solution when
Cheap vodka is my only friend
The love of my life passed me by tonight
In the dark in the wee hours of graduation night
At first I wasn’t sure it was her and […]