I sit alone crying and afraid to be hurt in the next minute. Then, it hits me. No one likes me, no one helps me, NO ONE F***ING CARES NOR WANTS ME. WHY BOT JUST END IT! WHY WONT I DO IT! I WANT IT!
Everyday now you hear stories of people who are so upset, depressed tortured, bullied, and how they in their lives so shortly and swiftly and how everyone around them is so effected by their choice and how cruel and selfish they were to take their lives as they did. Honestly, I can’t help but feel like they are the lucky ones. They’re the ones who’ve realized what to do how to help themselves they know their way out. People have always said that suicide is a sin. I want to make it very clear that suicide is not a sin. God would not so harshly […]
some days I think of it less, today is a day that I am unable to give positive confirmation to…, the thought of it is so close, so close…if I were to sit still it would turn me into a fossil. it’s the landscape, it’s the atmosphere, when I breath it in, I can taste it on the roof of my life as I exhale, life isn’t so hard, just strap in and bleed if I only write the words that rush out like menses I don’t have to think to hard about what they might’ve ment, they’ve already been forgotten at their core. self […]
I woke up today,lonely than ever and I realized it didn’t matter..
As I opened my eyes I realized that even my dreams are becoming a darker version of my obscured reality.
I’ve lost my purpose in this existence,as I’ve lost the need to care.
Sometimes when it gets too hard,like all the other pathetic living beings I seek for love, forgetting one essential fact,that love per se is a romantic version of people’s selfishness and I’m so tired from all this selfishness as I seek refuge paradoxically at myself.
The funny thing about myself,my only true friend,my only “true love”,my all is that it’s undeniably my […]
My biggest regret is that I didn’t kill myself the first time I thought about it. I was 12, and I looked forward. I saw exactly what I have become: a useless, anxiety-plagued lump. Right then I knew I should kill myself because there was nothing for me in the future. I was right. It’s been 20 years and not even a week can pass without me regretting my decision to live. It would have been so much easier, so much better when I was a child, before people expect you to be reasonable and thoughtful. I should have done it then, or I should […]
My sister happened to discover the brilliance of creating art on our skin. She had danced her paintbrush across the canvas, creating a crimson stain, a promised scar awaiting the near future. I know she had to have learned them from somewhere. From someone. The saying “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” has never held such a deep meaning before. She learned it from me. Her big sis. And why don’t I feel guilty for not teaching her the harsh and damaging effects of self damage? Why don’t I feel guilty that she has to conceal her wounds until further notice? I think […]
Hey everyone, sorry for the ramble –
Has anyone here overcome (at least in part) anxiety or depression through mindfulness and meditation?
I’ve tried to practice them in the past but for the past few years I’ve been in a constant state of anxiety/panic, and it’s so difficult that I’ve never really kept it up. Since I’ve had ME I’ve been more eager to try – it’s a lot harder now to distract myself from depression and anxiety. I’ve also come across some methods people have used to cure their physical symptoms using their minds, so it seems more important than ever that I gain some control […]
I have no one to talk to about this. My mother has d.i.d. I have known this for years, she’s been on meds, therapy, whatever.
I have never “seen” her like this. Delusional, i think she thinks we’re talking in person, IN AN EMAIL. She has told me they are increasing her meds. I can’t talk to her about this, because idk if she knows whats going on in the real world. I am 2500 miles away and would really appreciate some feedback. I have two emails I need an outsiders opinion.
This was totally not specific enough. […]
It was on this day eleven years ago that I decided to die. I was seventeen, and while I won’t violate policy by stating my method, the short story is that it was ineffective.
Ever since I was 12 or so, living has quite simply felt wrong. But I dealt with it. This fundamental issue was exacerbated by an issue that arose soon after. I had a really good friend, but every time she had a boyfriend, I got ridiculously jealous. Oddly enough, I always found a way to explain away my feelings. When similar situations arose in subsequent years, I concocted all kinds of ridiculous […]
Holes in the front, holes in the back
Pink holes, brown holes, and even black
Some holes are smelly, hidden benethe
Oher holes peck your cute little cheeks
intake, outtake, holes can do it all
Some holes feel good, and some are very small
We came from a hole, and will be buried in one too
In the grand scheme of things, holes are me and you.
Just tired of life. Tired of dealing with mindless sheeple out there. Tired of the world and its empty material pursuits. Tired of faking the funk when I obviously don’t give a shit about anything anymore. I am to mentally sick to do anything meaningful with my life. I have come to terms with my fate. Tired of family that only tells me to pray to mythical men in the sky as a remedy for my depressive state. Sick and tired of all that. I am going to pop 5 lethal pesticide pills and that will be it. I have always been looking for something […]
6 months ago my best friend died. She had an asthma attack in the middle of the night. That is what put me over the edge. Before that my dad died in a car accident. When my best friend died my life spiraled. That same month I went to two other funerals. I started taking drugs to help me sleep. I had a short circuit. I blew up on my mom. I went to stay with my grandparents for awhile. I just feel like I’m being forgotten. At lunch my friends don’t notice if I’m not there, my family doesn’t mind that I hide in […]
Enrolled into the university. Mother had to leave me alone in the capital, giant and unforgiving, because we are from a little city (6 h from the one I’m currently in). I’ve always felt I don’t belong but now more than ever. Sneaked into a tall building unaware of it’s security. Turned out there were lattices on every window and the exit to the roof was blocked. First suicide fail. Peace is the only thing I’m craving for right now. Might be my last post. I have no knowledge of what’s lying ahead. Love, my gratitude & good luck, Hikari.
I know that suicide and depression is not beautiful like they say, is not the rainy days or the grey world. I know that is not romantic or poetic. I know I am not a hero from a dramatic story. I know that in the day I kill myself there is no music or rain or all of that that happens in movies. I know that all. But I know too that the pain I feel is real and is killing me and that is the only real thing here. The stories I make, they are just ways of cope with this and release some […]
I don’t even know what to feel anymore I’m just kind of, numb. I’m pushing everyone away from me and refusing to talk about what’s wrong when I’m asked. Day 1 almost down of no eating, day 2 almost down of another sleepless night. After going a few months without cutting I dug the blade into my thighs yesterday and again today. I layed in the bath and just bled. Like it was the most normal thing in the world, no pain just emptiness. I have an doctors appointment soon and I don’t want them seeing my thighs. I don’t feel a thing but I […]
I miss you but I must let you go. I loved you but i’ve found someone who is fixing my heart. When I see you in the hallways it takes all my strenth to not break down and cry. You seem okay, smiling and laughing. actually, You seem happier now that im gone but thats all I wanted for you. to be happy. I could never give you happiness all i cause is sadness and sorrow. You plead and beg for me not to leave you but I hear none of it as I turn around and walk away. I hear your crys […]
I wish I would die, that my body would just give out or some freak accident will happen to take me out. I’ve wondered if I could go to a bad area at night and coax someone into shooting me in the head. I feel like placing personal ads saying it’s a last ditch effort before I kill myself, because people need to be taught a fucking lesson about not completely fucking with others feelings.
it sucks having no real friends 🙁 I love all the people I meet in the internet, here, but at the end of the day we are alone. I live in a big city and its depressing. everyone has a great life and knowing I don’t its depressing. my so called friend called me a ‘deppresive person’ . I told him my story and it seems he doesn’t understand. I feel so alone. suicide I want that that carbon monoxide. im thinking about it over and over again. what do you believe after death? what are your beliefs? I’ve been told suicide is sin and […]
I will start with writing about my life and will start with sharing information about a period slighty before that I came to exist in this world. In this period of life my my father-to-be and mother-to-be were going through a rough period of their relationship and which was not stable and while most people with common sense would work on the relationship or choose to go seperateways I had a mother who had a very different plan and apparantly wanted to keep my father with her for reasons unknown to me and in order to achieve this she made a hole in the condom […]
and see people delete their posts and accounts,
people fade away or suddenly disappear,
arguments and long, carefully written comments left just to show someone they care.
Something’s been rising in my head again, and reading through this site makes it more alive. It makes suicide seem more possible. That seems dangerous to me now, but it’s also a relief to be somewhere where it’s not something you have to keep hidden. It’s a relief just to see it written about.
Is there anyone else here who’s been away for a while? I’ve been back from time to time but I’ve spent more time here in the past few […]