Me, in the bath tub. Fully clothed, bleeding out. Seventeen days from now. My birthday. My death day. I attempt every year on this day. My D-Day. Twenty one, on the twenty eighth.
I am having a hard time… I am going through a horrible break up with the person I loved and I feel hopeless… He’s hurt me so much and I still want him… No matter what… I feel so alone and lost and suicide seems to be a good way out of this mess… I have been through much worse in the past and just want to be safe and okay again but it seems that is never going to happen…
Depression has literally ruined my life. My mom doesn’t accept me because of my behavior so I got moved away for my only biological family (my sister) and moved to my dads, which his girlfriend doesn’t accept me because of my behavior and the fact that my dad goes out of his way to help benefit me so that I don’t jump off his balcony. I was a straight A B C student till around 7th grade I lost all motivation but somehow made it to 9th grade and completely failed because I stayed in the bathroom due to the fact that I hated going […]
I feel I just can’t go on anymore. The pain controls everything. I have no friends no family nobody to talk to nobody to open up to. I hoping maybe someone can talk me out of this I don’t want to do it but I see no other option I plan out everyday how I going to do it and where but I don’t want nobody to see it or find me it always ends up with someone finding me I just want to disappear. I’ve already tryed pills but that only landed me in the hospital looking like an idiot not a single person […]
Alice says hey girl hey, Alice has a cliche question but Alice wonders what your thoughts are on this, Alice is curious to know if you people think that love can save someone from suicide Alice thinks so if it’s the right love in the right situation let Alice know what you people think
Mostly blue and sometimes red a nebula with green nerves that won’t stop moving walking through three feet of snow because the stone wall is so important then its just a fallen tree and the birds won’t sing and the coyote has died and the deer aren’t sure what to do my hands are warm I keep looking in the water but it is so black so infinite and I’m so small I could never touch every stalk in the field it’s so gold and pretty and then my heart changes colors every pulse and we think rivers of blood are red but they are […]
…Or rather, life when depression is artificially suppressed by a drug called Abilify. It’s pretty good peeps. The weather here in the UK is freaking gorgeous at the moment. Not hot but so mild and balmy, cloudless sky, pollution in the high range here in London apparently but I can’t say I’ve really noticed.
I was getting out and mixing somewhat before, but always driven by desperation, need and fear of the alternative. Now I’m getting out coz I’m kind of excited to meet new peeps and do new things. Went to a local social meet up thing this afternoon, for peeps over 50 with a […]
No acrimony for an ex-girlfriend, parents or society. Just myself. I can’t stand myself. I look in the mirror and see a man ugly inside-out. My birth was an act of turpitude. My reptilian brain only keeps me from ridding myself of myself, from turning my brains into a Jackson Pollock on my bedroom wall.
Im so tired.
I’m tired of being caught in the middle.
I’m tired of being treated like dirt; like nothing.
I’m tired of being treated like I’m not worth anybody’s precious time.
I’m tired of living.
I’m tired of breathing.
I’m tired of feeling.
But if I end it all today,
I die with a burden on my shoulders,
And selfishness in my name.
I would die leaving my boyfriend here to grieve alone;
God knows he’s as suicidal as I am.
I would die knowing all the pain I put my “family” through.
I would die never accomplishing all the things I wanted;
A […]
How many of you would actually care if I died, and if you did, for how long? I mean if I died the sun would still rise and set, the seasons would still change, my death would change nothing in the world. I’m nothing special, so why do you care what happens to me? My existence is meaningless, so therefore I believe that I do not need to stay. I mean, do you even know what it’s like to feel so damn sad and empty all the time and just wake up everyday to just fake a smile and pretend to be oh so very […]
In some ways having Asperger’s has similar types of symptoms to being bipolar! When I get to do something that I really enjoy, I get very manic and my whole world lights up! It’s also known as getting to enjoy my special interests that are associated with having Aspergers Syndrome and my special interests are trains! When I go through the usual blah shit, I just wish that I could die! When I have to do things that I don’t want to do, everything turns to shit! I am feeling extremely manic because I will do some traveling in the […]
Alice’s mission in life is to poop in the white house and instagram it, then Alice can die happy, Alice felt like sharing that
Life isn’t perfect it’s hard to manage. Life is a ***** and doesn’t let you live it how you want it. Well the people that also live in this so called world. So I leave you here to figure out the world without me because I was never good at a fight. I’m not a fighter I look at the reasons and there is only one way to stop this pain. Suicide sorry that it has to come to this sorry that I wasn’t up for the good life. Sorry that I let you down sorry that I made you sad.. but they good part […]
I used to love you. But you fucking broke me. I can’t have one normal conversation with another human, I can’t smile. Can’t laugh! Because you broke me. You ****. I hope you rot and are miserable for eternities. I used to only be suicidal, now that’s changed into homicidal. I used to be sad, so sad. That’s gone now. I don’t feel anything, except ANGER now. Pure hatred. I think if it was my choice to let you live or die, i’d finally smile, watching you burn. I fall asleep thinking about, I dream about it. Dream of your death. I fantasize over it. […]
now I can spend more time thinking about how I’m falling apart without having to go through proxy websites to read the entries here.
That being said. I feel like i’m falling apart. I feel like i should be in the psych ward. I got a cut on my wrist but i don’t know how. I was washing my dishes on Sunday and I noticed it. it’s about an inch long and perfectly straight. I noticed because I’d started bleeding. I started looking at the my knives that i was cleaning to see if i had done it accidentally but i didn’t see blood on any […]
Waves crash down and drowned me sleeping
eyes wide shut, my hearts still beating
sounds that drowned out all the noise
playing with hearts like old worn toys
my fingers twitch in the holes of my jeans
i at one point wanted to dress pristine
i couldn’t get a job that pays the bills
i gamble away money just for some thrills
maybe i could win it back and more
but i leave the table still being poor
life and games there both about chance
you win or you loose its a hellish dance
a symphony comprising of your demons
pain and pain stitched together seamless
i tried to take a train out of town
but i fell a sleep […]
It cracked like porcelain along the edges of her mind,the crack echoed across the land, the force of of it alone split the mast and sent it careening to the side. Where the tattered and frayed sail touched,it prompted the sea water to shoot into the sky to rain down upon her.
Not even the birds were present this day. The porcelain cracked sky cascaded down in a shower of rainbow fleck chips.
It was all falling apart.
The sun could no longer support its own weight and like a man who was destined to drowned it sank below the earth never to be seen again.
The moon did […]
Why it seems that I’m begging for love? In everywhere, family, friends, even myself. And I still do not get any. Do I have to beg more? Am I ever going to receive some? From someone? Am I going to loved someday? How? When? From who? I just don’t know. Like I said in the last post, I’m reaching to an end, I’m having so much break downs, there’s so much pain, loneliness literally is killing me. But I’m such a coward to make something to change it. I hate myself. I humiliate myself trying to find love where it’s obvious That I’ll never gonna […]
Everyone is asleep. The kids. The gf. The city.
its only me that is lurking in the shadows. where im supposed to be. I feel sorry for those who have to look at me at all. I wish them everything else in the world.
Im hidius. Discusting. Retarded. Ugly. Filthy. Bad. Worse. Whore! Fat. Weak. Stink. Mong. Abnormous. Garbage. Trash. Lazy. Sick.
Everyone hates me. And i know why. Thats nothing to hide. I know the exact reasons why.
Im trying my best here! I really do. But nothing seems to be working. I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. No matter how hard i try, […]