I’m trying to stay grounded, to not let this silly thing get to me, but I can’t. Writing is the only thing that is keeping me from hurting myself and even then I struggle to find my words. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing, that this guy was a douche or some other name, but I want to know why such a nice guy would say the cruelest thing to me the morning after such an amazing day. I was blind sided I thought things were going well he was sweet and never rude to me until this morning. I want to know what […]
in the
I gave myself a year to see if I could turn things around. I mean I’ve tried new things and experienced more, but none of that really made a difference. I’m still the same hallow shell I was before.
It’s like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. You can move them around all you want, but the ships still going under. I haven’t gone under yet, but I can feel the chill in the air from the icy waters I’m soon to plunge into.
Life will swallow me whole as I sink into the depths of darkness. And despite the year not being over yet, I’m […]
I’ve posted a few times, explaining how I tried getting through this and how I’m coping. I’m trying to be positive and focus on the small, good things in order to get by. But sometimes I have to ask myself, why? Why am I doing this? My life has been shit. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s been an uphill struggle since day one. I keep pushing on, keeping trying to find that light… But why? What is the reason for it? In the hopes that something will finally click and things will be better/good? That maybe one day I’ll be like everyone […]
This is my first post on this site, I’ve come here more than a few times to read your stories and poems when I need to cry or try and feel better. But today things are different.
I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 13, I’m 25 now.
As a kid, I was an elite athlete. I dove springboard and tower and I was really, really good at it. So good that at 12 years old I was already training 5 nights a week and had set a National record for my age group. Being so good brought a lot of pressure into […]
those of you who know the character in the play hamlet know what happens to her. it sort of sums up what is going on in my mind. as in i feel like i am losing it. the swing of emotions i am experiencing is exhausting. anger, deep sadness, tears that come from nowhere, and an urge to kill myself. while i am supposedly making progress by letting myself express these emotions, it is the unpredictability of the whole mess that is getting me. i have been suicidal since i was a child so of course that will emerge from the pit as well. i […]
I don’t think I can last til Jan, maybe I’ll speed everything up & check out on my bday (nov 29). I am so sick of living with these inconsiderate idiots! She doesn’t even seem to care about her own children! He put them to bed without showers & still in their sweaty, dirty day clothes. He is such a hypocritical, chauvinistic prick, writing rules for all of us to follow, but they don’t apply to him.
They are both downstairs, playing video games & have music up so loud it is amplified in the kids bedrooms! I can’t even be in my own ‘room’ cos […]
Thinking I should just give up on civilisation and go live in the bush somewhere
Might just grab anything I can carry on my back and disappear in the night. Going missing would be easier for my family to handle than suicide
Dear Maman,
As it has now been a number of weeks since our previous discussion, and you have not only failed to apologise to me for badmouthing me to your family behind my back, but have no doubt also failed to correct any of the half-truths and exaggerations you made in the process*.
In addition to this, you appear to struggle to consider the needs of others. For example, despite my pleading, refusing to attend my suicide-prevention counselling sessions because you felt stressed.
When I took the decision to meet you again a couple years ago after a long and acrimonious separation, I really wanted to believe you […]
So, if you’ve been following me at all…I’m out of the hospital and living alone in my apartment. People are still in denial that anything ever happened. Tonight is the first night that i’m not under watchful eye. So guess what I decided to do? I decided to go out and about and enjoy the cool night air. I drove to my campus and parked as normal. As I was backing out of my parking space after I had enough night air and a people dart out behind me. I hit my brakes and another car comes flying past me, so I shove it in […]
Hello friends 🙂
So things have gone up and down repeatedly in the past week. I was contemplating ending my life last Thursday. And I obviously didn’t– I was in a bit of a depressed daze, I guess. But I decided to give my “new life” a go. Recently I put in a shit load of effort and got a really fantastic job in the city, a job a lot of people would kill for. I’ve been so busy with that lately. Seems like things should be great for me. And I guess they are. Only I’m now more seriously suicidal than I’ve ever been. Why? Who […]
you know what is SO fucked up? is that after someone commits suicide EVERYONE around the person is saying things like “oh she was such a great person” and “if she had only called i would have been there to listen, to help” but you know what? it’s fucking bullshit. i did what a suicide support website said – i reached out, far, on a limb and i thought hard of the smartest people i know, the people who have provided guidance and direction in the past. i decided to reach out to my aunt who i haven’t spoken to in over 10 years. i […]
ughh my life sucks. recently got sober from bad drug addiction..again. went to rehab 6 months, when i get out my ‘gf’ is 5 months pregnant (ya, not mine obviously].. end up relapsing…i still love this girl, she got me on the drugs in the first place….she’s had the kid now, she only calls when she needs something..i always help her out [always been the case]. now shes sober, or so she says… as am i, and she wont talk to me.. i got a new job, she came in the restaurant i manage with her baby daddy not knowing i worked there…just sent me […]
Many of you know the basics of my story. This is the whole story, from when I met my soulmate, to when I lost him. I figured it was time to share the details. I apologize for the length of this post, but appreciate those who take the time to read all the way through to the end. If you make it all the way to the end, there’s a special treat.
We weren’t supposed to be separated. We were meant to find each other. We lived on opposite sides of the country, and through unlikely circumstances, we met when I went to Ohio for school. […]
I’ve always been told that I’m living wrong, I’m doing things wrong, I have the wrong hobbies and interests, hanging out with the wrong friends, being either to shy or to loud, spending my time wrong, treating people wrong. And I have always believed them, my family, my friends, my teachers or whoever I was in contact with. I tried to be like them, like the “cool guys at school” even though it was exactly them who bullied me for years; I tried to befriend them and act like them, because every input I got from anyone was about me being wrong and them being […]
I’m quite young (only twenty) but I feel very alone, let me begin by saying that I have spent most of the last four years by myself going more than a month at a time without seeing or speaking to anyone that I knew just the checkout person at the supermarket asking how I am sometimes I would try to respond but could not find the words, I moved back into the city less than a year ago and things where a little better then when I lived in the country side but things changed quickly, these days when I see people I always feel […]
Mother, I will address you first since I have known you the longest: Well, EXCUUUUUUSE ME! So sorry my very existence screwed your life up so bad. You had a couple of options, and it’s not my fault your chosen mate was already married with a family. Now you can just go on your merry way and live out your golden years without the horror of your past staring you in the face every day. And yes, I did this on purpose so you would have to bury me. You said you didn’t think you could make it if lil bro died from his cocaine […]
Instead of taking a bunch of pills in one go as I have done in the past, I have been taking 15 extra strength Tylenol a day with alcohol. This way, I won’t puke it all up. Wish me luck.
I heard some cockamamy stuff about how we are babies in heaven, and pick our parents. NO WAY! I was born in 1957 of an adulturous union between my 16 yo mother, and my married 26 year old father. She tried to “mold” me into perfection to make up for her mistake. When I was 19 months old she married a man 26 years her seniir, who she discoveredto be a pedophile BEFORE she married him. Fill in the blank. Fortunately, he died when I was 10. When I was 15 she finally married dear old pop. Then over the course of the next 7 […]
well my best friend and his family just moved into my house. the house i was supposed to start a family in. i thought maybe it would help to be around them and stay for a month or 2 but it just triggered me even more. seeing him and his kids and wife just made me think more of what i have lost. i walked to a secluded place where there is a peaceful creek, im under a tree with a very gentle rain peeking through hitting me in the face every so often. ive got over 100 depehnhydramine and have had about a […]