There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. – Graham Green.
I can remember a moment such as this occurring many times in my own life. Whether it was the kindness of strangers, or in some cases the complete opposite, the cruelness of my family or peers, I can remember so many milestones in my life where I have come to the point where enough is enough, and I have opened that door, seen the future, and attempted to embrace it.
I have always considered myself to be an all or nothing kind of person. Whether […]
in the
I believe life is essentially pointless.
I say this not necessarily because I feel our everyday experiences are void of meaning, but because we are going to inevitably forget all of our experiences, we will have no way of knowing we ever existed; in essence, nothing will have mattered.
It is to my understanding, that this this belief is what fundamentally causes me to be such a calm and reserved individual. Very seldomly does something really get to me, in the back of my mind, I know the clock is ticking to my death, I […]
Im not lying when I am saying I was a young age. I was in a grade between 1st and 3rd. Living in a trailer park with a few younger siblings, one being an infant. My dad and mom broke up a while back, and the boyfriend she had at the time is scary and mean that is also the father of my 2 sisters and brother. I remember when I was a kid my dad used to make me go to church. With me brainwashed into the religion every night before I went to bed I cried to god praying that he would take […]
is superhero real exist ? are superheroes real exist ? is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ? fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..
otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]
You stood there, stood there and start to slowly back away,
You said that those close to you didn’t think that speaking to me was healthy, that it had thrown your thoughts into disarray.
It’s not worth the trouble or the heartache they told you,
And somehow you decided that it was true.
“There is no reason to stay as she’ll never see things clearly.”
With this you pacified yourself, never seeing that it might cost you dearly.
I stood there, stood there forgotten and alone.
You had said that my stubbornness was something that you could no longer condone,
But stubbornness had never been the problem.
In order to reach you, I had […]
There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. – Graham Green.
I can remember a moment such as this occurring many times in my own life. Whether it was the kindness of strangers, or in some cases the complete opposite, the cruelness of my family or peers, I can remember so many milestones in my life where I have come to the point where enough is enough, and I have opened that door, seen the future, and attempted to embrace it.
I have always considered myself to be an all or nothing kind of person. Whether […]
Isolation can be a dangerouse thing.It can change you.it can warp you.it will mold you into something….not human.I know this because I live it.in all the years that I’ve lived in isolation, I noticed one thing.it takes you down a path….it starts to change you little by little.and everytime you hit a vital point down this dark path…you become that much less of a human.For me at least, I know this much.you start to hate uncontrollably, you turn into something else.Im a perfect example, im not human anymore…I may look,act,and sound like one but the truth is im turning into something of the dark.I love […]
The last thing he ever said to me was “I question the authenticity to the ‘horrors’ you describe as having happened to you.”
We broke up 3 months ago and I saw him for the first time today. Just walked past me, 3 seconds all up. It left me fucked for the rest of the day. I didn’t think someone who loved me, brought me into his home to meet his family, could deny the existence of my struggle in such a malicious way.
I feel like an idiot for still loving him.
That’s almost what I did today. I barely stopped myself. I was just overwhelmed. My mom yelled at me, my brother treated me badly, I’ve been depressed for weeks now (constantly). I’ve lost almost all my friends. I’m being forced to face my day (by my mother) when I can’t even get up.
And I face the monster in front of me everyday: my past.
Many tell me: what you did meant nothing. It’s the past. My pain meant nothing? The fact I gave away something I can’t get back is nothing? It being in the past doesn’t change anything.
So today I’m running. Away from everything. I’m […]
So, I have to write an application essay for a program at school, and it asked to chronically the force(s) the influenced my life direction and decision apply in the first place. The issue is that those forces were having lived in a not always safe situation for most of my life, and kinda wanting to duck out early as a result of it. The problem is I can’t mention that because of the type of program that this is will immediately reject me… and that’s with out knowing that I have had no idea how to consistently keep waking up in the morning for […]
I feel like I’ll never emotionally connect with anybody. I have changed quite a bit in high school, since many of my friends moved away after elementary. I’ve become more cynical and depressive since then. People just don’t like a bitter personality. Also, admittedly, I’m lazy, but not couch potato lazy: I rarely watch TV because the news is depressing and reality TV is just a distraction from reality, so I either go on the computer or sleep. Many see this as a flaw and something that should be changed, but I think that this is who I am. I believe that life is pointless […]
Ihave been asked by a number of people why I am making my exit.
heres why, and the names have been changed
My partner and I met in Mid 1999 and lived on a small cul de sac in a small northern UK from June 99 to November 2011.
This accusation came to light in June 2013.
We became friends with a family where we used to live. Mum (Angela) Father (Peter) Son (Robert 9 yrs old) along with an older brother (Michael) and younger one (Elliot) in 2006
Damien (my partner) and I have always preferred to keep our own counsel, and whilst we were on […]
I know what you are thinking, you are depresed cause you broke up.
Well yes i am, i started dating my couple on 13/4/2013, as you can guess for me it was quite hard to get a couple i had to decide if i needed a guy or a girl (that was actually realy realy hard to me cause in the inside i want to be loved and protected and cared, but in the outside im still male so i have to wear that mascarade of strongness and self security, so yeah for me it was a riddle, and still, anyway…) i met many people in […]
Chuuming the sea,
Get it ready for me.
Throw in the fish,
Prepare the main dish.
Sharks all around,
They wait for that sound.
Me falling in,
Let the feeding begin.
Biting and ripping,
I feel my life slipping.
Soon nothing there,
Life was too much to bear.
Find my boat on the sea,
But they’ll never find me.
So today I got called in for a hearing,,, met her lawyer for the first time. My lawyer was a crook, stole money and ran, left a mess for me, thus my day there today to straighten it out, or I would have been put in jail.
I walk in, find it is a “machine” of sorts, the room is full, strangely all women, I am the only guy there (except for the judge and bailiff).
Many before me, the judge basically ending all the other peoples marriages right before me.
Im not there yet, will fight my whore of a wife as long and hard as I […]
“Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” – Exodus 3:5b
My life is one that has been ravaged. I portioned out the substance that I once had to the rats and cockroaches in the deepest gutters of my soul. I am left, a shell, an empty vessel, waiting — wanting — to be filled. I have called myself a Christian, and I have — shamefully — become no more than a stumbling block. I have sold myself to drugs, to alcohol, to sex, and to hate. I want nothing more than to slough off the impurities of my sin. I want […]
really, its real and it never goes, the addiction to think about ways to kill yourself is so strong, i even dream of it, how peacefully my body will lay, how i will leave everything here and how.. all i have done, all people have done to me will disappear. there will be nothingness and i will sink in the ocean of infinite security. i need this place, i need to feel safe from all the fight, all the hatred, all the people.
who else ?????? so tired … i slept in the afternoon, i washed a lot of clothes today, im not depressed, im good right now, but i want to kill myself, but i have everyone around me, and i live on the third floor, so cannot jump. im safe.
I feel like Cerberus,
The three headed guardian of the gates of Hades.
Yet, each head has a different goal.
But will all end up in the same hole.
One says hold on,
Fight the feeling.
Another says we don’t belong,
We’ve reached our ceiling.
The last one makes the most sense.
And decides not to speak in the past tense.
Each has it’s own tune,
One is that if a siren,
Attractive but deadly,
One is soft and sweet,
Like a summer time medley.
One is loud,
With no discernable cause,
All the while waiting for an applause.
But it will not come,
Because their time may be […]
This is just to remind you guys of the skype group we created a few days ago, it’s up and running. (text based chat only) With 15 guys on there, it is serving it’s purpose of eliminating (or help you cope up with) loneliness very well indeed.
Sometimes, all we need is just a pat on the back, eh? Many of you won’t even consider joining it, I know, too much hurt from past experiences. Too fucked up to give this a shot. But then, you realize we all are fucked up in one way or the other? This is what makes us compatible. People care here. All you need […]