Im new to this site i found it on a really bad day. In which i tried to kill myself. But here is my story.
My family has a history of clinical xepression and i was lucky enough to have it as well. I was officially diagnosed when i was 17 when my girlfriend at the time found me with a heroine needle in my arm with the intention of an overdose. I was in the hospital for three days then i was in inpatient for a couple wee ks. And since then ive been struggling with it. Recently it has been made worse by […]
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Intention
Everyone Thinks That I have It All,
But Its So Empty Living Behind These Castle Walls,
If I Should Tumble,
If I Should Fall,
Would Anyone Hearing Me Screaming Behind These Castle Walls,
There’s No One Here At All,
Behind These Castle Walls.
I live a very different life. This is my first time trying something like this, I’m not doing this with the intention that it’ll bring me pity or sympathy from others, Im doing this hoping that it’ll bring me some FORM of peace.
Im not like alot of people out there. I live a very different life. Luxuries people would never even dream of. […]
It’s been a while sine I even thought of this place.A guy I know was helping me and I was happy,I was even smiling and laughing.It felt so good because it’s been a while since I’ve done either of the two.But then he just ignored me and brushed me off.Later,he apologized and said he was having a hard week,but it was too late.He has been saying sorry for a long time now. It’d too late though,I have put my mask back up and have no intention to let go.
I can try to get by, But every time I start to panic, I’m a little bit shy, A bit strange and a little bit manic….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I want to do it.
On monday, im planning again…. Apart from this time i haven’t made the mistake of telling ‘Everyone’. So my intention is to travel to a bridge…and you can probably guess the rest….
Life has not gotten better, its gotten worse? My OCD has. Fear of things are coming back…and my hands can tell you that, they don’t appreciate soap as much as i thought they would….
My family know ‘Everything’…at least thats what they think, they’re some things i havent told anyone….and probably never will….It has just made life awkward, and the arguements don’t stop, either about me or about my dad.
My new […]
I was approached today by a friend about her supicion I was thinking about self termination. She lost her first husband to suicide and does volunter work for a prevention hotline a couple nights a month. I guess I was an easy read for her. It caught me off guard damn it and I stumbled. I confessed. What a stupid idiot I am. How could I have been so inept and careless!! It was a foolish liability to give away my desire/need. I hindered the time I had planned to make it so, by self sabatage. She offered to drive me to a hospital, like i would let that happen again. I […]
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted…My holiday season was relatively calm..as I took off from work, and was off from school…mostly drama free except the ever present arguments with the asshole I’m forced to relate to as his daughter. But I digress.
School is back in full swing…in addition to more drama at work (seriously, I work with a bunch of 50 year old catty bitches in a freaking cafeteria…)
Needless to say, I’m already stressed the fuck out…looking for jobs, internships, working, going to school, dieting (i have a wedding to attend in june…needing to lose weight), and attempting to maintain my end of relationships. I’ve […]
My past doesn’t really matter now, although the wounds still run deep in the hearts of my family and friends. I’m ashamed to say that I made those cuts and sores within them everytime I tried to hurt myself. This could be interpreted as me being self-centered which is not my intention, I just realise how much my actions effect other people around me and I’ll take responsibility for that.
I haven’t been a member of this website for very long, but I’m choosing to write now, because my one pressing reason to kill myself is something that I can’t bear to talk about with anyone. […]
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