So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better. The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic. I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]
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it all
I just can’t leave her. I have but I always come back to her, crawling begging for forgiveness as if I have done some unforgivable deed. I came to the realization this morning that I am frightened. That the emotional distress and pain I have felt whether it was her fault or not is not worth going through again and that for that reason I shouldn’t leave her. I told myself that if it needs to be this difficult, and I have already done it with her ( though it doesn’t get any easier), why should I have to do it all over again […]
Once again as the time ticks on my parents ask if I’m okay.
You want the truth mom I’m not okay far from it but thanks for trying.
Dad: do I even call you dad anymore? You want the truth too!? I hate you I never thought I’d get here but bam! Life proves me wrong. Why do I hate you? Your an insufferable, arrogant, asshole that I’ve hated since I was 10, 3 years! This hate has grown stronger. You yell and make me feel worthless, you say all this bullshit about me like you mean it all but you fucking don’t. You know you don’t. […]
I’ve been having so much trouble lately. I’m too stressed, I’ve been incredibly suicidal. And I can’t sleep. And it’s all because of people. I just wish I could meet someone who was genuine and actually just wanted to carry on a conversation. But who knows, I might not be here long enough to ever find out…I just want to know if it’s worth it to stay and try to find that person.
Title says it all. Would you leave a suicide note? Why? Why not?
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Alive-Out-Of-Habit.mp3
Why should it be taboo to kill ourselves? Just because other people don’t want it doesn’t make it abnormal. I don’t understand why people want to continue living with all the shit they have to deal with. Wake up, go to school/work/, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. I’ve had relationships, but to me they’re more trouble than they’re worth. I don’t want to have kids. I care about my family, but that’s a tiny portion of life. It’s not enough to keep me going because I still have to be me every day and it’s exhausting. The rest is work, eat, sleep, fuck, etc. That’s […]
You made me smile,
you made me cry,
I missed you so much I wanted to die.
All of the pain,
the tears I shed,
was worth it all,
when we met.
The sadness and sorrow,
will always follow,
now I am waiting for a better tomorrow.
It will come,
no matter what it takes,
and I will not be the one who breaks.
We will be together,
despite the weather,
and you will be the one who makes it all better.
“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your […]
I am not very good at this anymore but I didn’t know what else to do so here goes. I have spent the better part of the last 15 years thinking about suicide everyday. When I was young I actually attempted it a time or two. I used to talk about it, I used to write poetry and letters to deal with it, until one day it all blew up in my face. My “friends” Who “understood” all of a sudden didn’t anymore, my parents tried to have me committed, and my poems and letters were used against me. It all went to hell in […]
indefinitely as i drift among the currents, indefinitely will i vie for optimal position in the flow.
But… lately i’ve been feeling that feeling, much more deeply; less indefinitely…
And maybe it’s just time… or almost time… and i’m not really sure what good waiting will ever do, if it’s all i can do, and only without any chance to make any of the changes overdue.
So many things, circumstances, scenarios, all converging and intersecting at once… that i can’t really even… communicate, i guess.
Too many things went wrong, long ago, and started a bunch of chain reactions, which have all been feeding into and compounding each other, […]
Hi. I’m.. well, I’d rather not state my name. I’m 13 years old- shocker, yeah? No, I’m not some “emo” kid looking for attention. All I ask is to not be underestimated. I know I’m too young to be this sad, but I guess that’s just how it is.. So, I guess I’m just going to let it all out. I’m setting my life out here because why not?
My depression. It all started when I was eight, my family was falling apart. My parents split up, and I didn’t know how to feel. My mom was crying herself to sleep every night and I thought it […]
It’s obvious to me. I’m throwing myself into a hole, each time getting a little deeper. Farther and farther down where I know you’ll never find me. I wanna take the pills to stop it all. I want to drink the whiskey you bought me. I can’t keep going on like this, knowing that some day you might leave me. Why did this happen? Why did I give everything up?
Why can’t the words seem to flow from my fingertips.
I honestly don’t know what to do…
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the […]
The teardrops run down
And fall off her nose
She cries in dark corners were
nobody goes.
You can follow her tracks
from her eyes to her chin,
Years upon years of letting them win.
And her eyes tell a story
of anger and pain.
You think that’s she’s happy
but just look again.
And the scars in her past
hidden under her clothes
are a roadmap to places that nobody knows.
Her smile is now painted,
shes a master of disguise,
And you can see it […]
I just spent 10 days in the hospital on suicide watch. The only person to see me was my wife and kids. My one friend and that’s it. I laid in bed so alone and upset. Where did I go so wrong in my life. Have a kick ass career and 2 beautiful girls. It all started when I was a kid. My grandmother use to put me in a closet so she could tell my dad I wasn’t there when he came to pick me up. I grew up always wanting my dad and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there. Than my mom married […]
I think we all have those things in our heads that just won’t leave. An example of this would be the saying “Nothing lasts forever”. Because of this, I am incapable of commitment. If someone tells me that they’re here for me, i still can’t trust them because they won’t be here for me forever. They will move on like everyone else. It’s the same with relationships. They end. So what’s the point. Itll just end in heartbreak so why the fuck would it matter.
I also can’t seem to shake the thought that everyone is capable of pretending. Pretending to be my friend. Pretending to […]
Title says it all. Worthless. Im done.
I have an innate desire to die. It is ingrained in my every thought. I feel as though I have no reason to live. I’ve suffered from depression for ten years and I’m tired that it never goes away. Through medication and therapy there is no cure. Life is meaningless. Time passes and I go through the motions. There is nothing left but to sit and wait. Trying to convince myself that things will get better or looking forward to things that don’t matter. Am I not just creating an illusion to give me a reason to keep going? Â Once that goal has passed it […]
“I’m tempted to leave the car in drive, and leave it all behind.”
No more medication. I refuse to take another freaking pill. I am NOT going to take another pill. I’m so sick and tired of having to take medication everyday. Taking that pill is like pretending to be somebody I’m not, it makes me act happy and as if everything is okay. News flash, I’m not happy and nothing is okay. If I don’t want to be happy then get over it and let me just be miserable. If I’m going to be happy it’s not going to be because of some pill. It’s […]
I’ve been searching all over google (I know that’s amateurish) but no matter how I try, I can’t find any. Can you guys help me out? And please for the love of god please do not preach to me, I’ve heard it all before. So yeah, any recommendations?