The few men i see along this journey are total strangers..i dont know any animated object apart from my enslaved shadow..i know that he is somehow tired of my bored outlook on life..but he is fated to be with me no matter what.
Every where i go,
death follows me,
his accomplice on his shoulder,
waiting for a feed.
The blood raven calls,
“your soul is mine to keep.”
my heart grows cold,
and my eyes begins to weep.
Infected with a darkness that none can understand,
death offers me asylum in a dark and foreign land,
a land full of souls, just as lost as mine
stuck in the dark for an endless lenghth of time
The raven calls again.
“Please accept our offer, friend,
you’ll be with your own till the passage of time ends.”
And with that final word, they return to their land.
The offer on the table and […]
I can’t live like this anymore. Nothing seems to be enough reason to stay. Not my husband. Not my children. If the devil really exists, he’s FINALLY won this 19 year battle with me. at only 29 years old — I am no longer strong. I feel so weak. My health is poor — yet better than most. I have everything and desire nothing. I dwell too much on the coulda-woulda-shoulda- that I can’t see the now, And the worst part of all is I am aware of everything and care not to change any of it, I want to die. I long for death […]
You envelope me.
Sharlply slicing through the walls I worked so hard to build up.
You mock me, taunting me with thoughts of hope and sercurity.
Smack!
Down I fall.
Hard.
Blood flows from my chest.
Poison, from my lips.
My hands betray me.
My words betray me.
I am alone, broken.
Why?
Why do I continue this journey through sorrow?
Why don’t my gaurdian angels rescue me!?!
I lay, still.
I’m dead.
No!
I’m alive!
So I punch
And I cut
And I scream
Trying, failing to release the fire inside my soul.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
My first attempt at poertry. Consructive criticism?
Killed the children of our love
Filled our lives with pills
A journey of pain from the start
It’s gonna rain
and I don’t have a heart
I am ashamed of what I’ve done
Will you cry when I am gone?
What if God doesn’t exist
Will you let me be dead meat?
I’ll be here for you
When your life stops making sense
Cause death is so intense…
We’ll meet in hell again
When you feel well again
So we can start again
in that special way that lets you know that you have a place in their heart. She smiled at me and it broke my heart. The path of human coupling is a long and winding road, and I’m not up to the journey. As much as I want to take the trip with someone, I’m afraid of being hurt, of being reminded that I don’t belong with people, that I’m only here to serve.
In my brain, it feels like I could succeed at.. building some sort of relationship built on trust and support but… There’s no evidence to support that. I’ve never been able […]
Riley,
Our journey continues in my mind. We converse, we laugh, we dance, we engage in battle with zombies, we awaken the Harbinger in the ones who are lost and suffering. I know you’re suffering right now and it’s torture for me. If there’s anything I can do, let me know. I begin school in the spring (I hope) to obtain an associate’s degree in Physical Education. The Vampire Order grows and it seems as if my friends with Anonymous have the same intentions. I have discussed joining Anonymous with the Order. We feel at this time, we will remain separate, as we draw inspiration through […]
I found my neighbor hanging dead in his house last week, and my journey for answers brought me to this site and I feel the need to share.
Myself and other neighbors had expressed some concern that we had not seen our neighbor for several weeks. Those weeks turned to months. We didn’t know what to do, and just hoped he was away. We didn’t really know what to do, there were no signs of foul play on the outside of his home, so the police would do nothing.
A few weeks into the concerns, I told my neighbors I would check to see if his second […]
The word itself makes people stop and see what it says. It’s so eye grabbing and it captures most everyone’s attention. Saying you’ll commit suicide is easy. Setting up suicide is easy. But actually doing it? Actually jumping off of a building? Actually pulling the trigger? Actually slitting your wrists? It’s fucking hard. To know that your life is there; So vulnerable in your hands. It’s all in front of you. And it’s all up to you in that very moment. Whether you live, or you die.
What’s it like falling? Just free falling and all of a sudden, nothing. Or to pull the trigger […]
I found something were I express myself and it’s kinda a relief. I’ve never really wanted to start this journey, but I’m now researching to see what’s easiest for me and my family. I’ve looked up for insurance laws in Missouri, and I’m wanting to check to make sure that my children and mother will be alright. I’m done with trying to raise my children alone. It’s so hard to teach them the right way to live their lives. I pray that their fathers can do better,  if I’m gone. Please pray that my mother can start over and not be so dependent on me. […]
A week or two ago I posted here as I was slowly getting overwhelmed with depression. I was ready 2 days ago with a solid plan, rope in my backpack and everything thought through, except for the poor tree that has to be stuck with my lifeless body swaying in the cold wind. But that was easy task to accomplish as there was many trees on my journey. Quite beautiful ones. It would have been a shameful sight for the tree if I would have went through with it.
My problem, which said before, was many and one big on that kept hitting my mind repeatedly […]
Lost, confused, tired, annoyed, angry, sad, empty, aching, void and depressed.
These are only few of the words that are fit to describe me at this moment.
How could anyone possibly deal with this world? Everything is just so… bad.
How come others have such an easier time than me when battling this world, this existence?
I am alone, there is no one to help me, no one to comfort me and no one to understand me.
There is nothing that gives my life color, nothing that gives interest or hope and nothing to dream for.
This world is as I see it, as we all see it and it’s not going […]
I’ll start out by saying I consider myself “addicted” to suicidal thoughts. The thoughts begun as early as elementary school and continued to thrive throughout my life. As I prepare to leave everyone I know and move a 1000 miles away to college, I can’t seem to commitment to moving forward or ending my life. I have made one serious attempt, one which had me hospitalized for 4 months, and that was just 1 out of my 11 hospitalizations. Life has been a long and hard journey for me. I have learned the hard way the cons of acting on these thoughts. I also know […]
Dedicated to anyone who thinks about it- I understand- but it is not the answer.
I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.
Walking outside I water the just planted begonias, knowing full well once I leave they will die; much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. I […]
Once I had a fabulous career and I was on top of the world but that all ended 5 years ago and I still can’t move on. I’ve been on different meds and they work for a while but the dark moods always return. I’m too young to retire and too old to find a decent job. I work for selfish evil people who have no respect for me. I sold my soul for a paycheck. I just want to feel good about myself but I can’t make it work. I work to make enough money to send my […]
I feel for all of you here. I wish I could help you all escape the misery of this awful world! It is so hard in this world. I don’t know how I’m still here! My fear of death stops me from taking my life these days but boy do I think about it every fkn day. I have tried so many times in my past, to end this misery of a life, but UNFORTUNATELY I’m still here! I don’t want to be here anymore! Since childhood, I have tried to hold onto just the smallest amount of hope,that one day things will get better, […]
Breath fogging
the air is so cold and crisp
my red jacket
laces are wet from the dew
the brown leaves dancing
sneakers kicking
splashing the puddles
the slightest scent of the so dark asphalt
my backpack thrown so high
just missing the branches
sky slate gray
rain falling
drips from my hair just before my eyes
she is watching
under her yellow umbrella
she smiles
a walk is a journey
the moment lives as long as I
the child I was
haunting me
How do i give someone i love a huge wake up call without them getting hurt or angry at me?
I hate asking for advice but i need to tell someone what they are currently doing is not how to live a happy life and that although i love them very much i really need them to move into the next phase of their journey and leave behind all these current issues. Because i fear that if they don’t take responsibility and move on soon then i may have to leave/lose them.
And i don’t want to lose/leave them.
But how do i tell them this […]
You always hear people say that, “You’ll be accepted by being yourself,†right? Well,… IT’S WRONG!!! People would only accept you by being like everyone else. They always say that, you’re an anti-social freak or a messed up person am I wrong. Should we live up to other people’s expectation? Should they accept you by using you? Should you change yourself because you’re desperate to be accepted and to speak out on your own? That’s the quest/journey that I never accomplished from my life and still now. I do know that there are others that are doing the same. I understand. The confusion, the depression, […]
Though I forgive you
The scars run deep
Cutting, piercing, and tattooing me
Trying my best to hide the scars you left
I know that someday I will get past this
But as for now it’s still fresh
The memories are here to remind me
What you have done
How you’ve hurt me
But as for this I have to say
Forgiveness is just the first step
So here I am
On my way
My furture brighter everyday
No thanks to you I have to say
But I forgive you for all your mistakes
I pray for you as you journey along
And hope someday […]