Once I had a fabulous career and I was on top of the world but that all ended 5 years ago and I still can’t move on. I’ve been on different meds and they work for a while but the dark moods always return. I’m too young to retire and too old to find a decent job. I work for selfish evil people who have no respect for me. I sold my soul for a paycheck. I just want to feel good about myself but I can’t make it work. I work to make enough money to send my daughter to college and I’m starting to resent her for that. She holds me to a life I find unbearable to live. I just want to go and lay on a beach in the sunlight and feel the ocean breeze and smell the salt air while I drift off into eternal sleep. Wish I had meds strong enough to send me to my next journey. Right now I’m drinking vodka to numb the pain of knowing that I have to return to my hellish life tomorrow morning.
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4 comments
Sounds like you’re stretched way too thin, emotionally and financially, feeling really undervalued, and in need of some serious me time – some time to get yourself back on track. You lost a big part of yourself when your work situation changed a few years ago and you need to figure out how to reclaim it. Make finding some glimpses of happiness each day a priority – and you may need to spend some time figuring out what makes you tick. If you like to cook, research recipes and plan meals. If you like to read, join a bookclub. If you want to socialize, find a group that matches your interests on meetup.com, and make new friends. If you like to travel, call a travel agent and start paying small monthly payments on a trip for a year from now OR use local deals to plan a staycation. And once you figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, create a plan and make baby steps towards it. I think you’ll find that once you start working on things that are important to you again, it will be easier to tolerate your current situation – because you’ll see it as temporary. I wish you the best,
I hear ya…totally. You’re doing your best & sometimes some hard decisions need to be made. Doing something & then resenting the choice to do it…it’s your call obviously. I’d only do something if I truly wanted to. College’s or schools program people and don’t ultimately guarantee success in life. For me, when I do something cause it allows me to feel good…simple things even, it works out for everyone. I used to work just for a pay cheque…very unfulfilling…so I made a choice to only do what feels right for me…Good luck!
Time is a ship that never stops … the past is an anchor attached to that ship … if we don’t haul in the anchor, the ship has a hard time moving forward … yet it MUST move forward. if the anchor gets caught on rocks under the water as the ship moves forward, it holds the ship back and the engines strain … eventually something is going to break or he ship will get sunk
… cut the anchor loose or haul i up on deck … let the ship sail free to rise and fall on the ocean swells but ever forward … leave the anchors and the troubles they cause behind.
sailing dawg
I love my daughter more than anything else in this world and I hate the fact that I resent her for holding me to a life I detest. I just want to feel useful again and a little respect from the people I work for would be appreciated. Maybe if I had some close friends to confide in it would help. I feel so alone.