I’ll start from the beginning. I had a close, dear friend basically called him my brother. Xain, he was always there for me through thick and thin and would fight tooth and nail to keep me happy. He fell in love with me(this isn’t the root of the story) and I told him how i felt but kept him as a friend none the less and let him flirt how he wants. He was wiccan and openly gay, as a christian who was raised to love all I judged him not. He was adopted from Ireland when his druggie of a mother had him hooked […]
Tag:
Knees
Bieng Bi-Polar is hard for my young friend Gwen not many people understand her like I do.Its hard to have your over at my house and currently were dating which is also complicated. One day in the morning she said that she was going to die today being bi-polar I thought it would blow over but I never thought I would be in for such a big treat Room 224 2nd hour Mrs.**** she hated us that teacher did she would pick on me cause I was the jokester and Gwen hated it she stood up for me and got in trouble I always thanked […]
My hands ache and my lids feel heavy
My face feels tired
And I haven’t even started my day
I’m not ready
Lately I’ve felt like crying
Now tears do not flow
It must be this heat
Beaming in from my window
A high velocity fan blows the hot air into the hall
The air conditioner needs maintenance
And I’m waiting for the temperature to fall
I don’t mind the spring and her allergies
The summer and her scraped knees
The Fall and a beckoning bite
And the winter the freezes hard during the night
But I’m a wolf who doesn’t mind an icy muzzle
To run free and […]
Dez, it is time for education…
Heat Sensors, Cameras, etc, etc etc.. who is in charge of it
all? some retarded american female and male. useless bastards
that have sex all day long and poop. nothing divine nothing special.
Do not talk to me about heat sensors or any of that stuff.
i am the master of codes and hardware is simply not above
codes.
codes are below everything but it guides everything dez.
it is the quantum reality, at quantum reality, we spend pennies
to run tests dez, and tests suggest , this game is mine to win
yours to lose if you do not hire me into […]
I heard my phone. I picked it up and said hello, it was my aunt. She said that my mom and dad died in a car accident. I was lost, I ran to my bedroom and ruind everything, I trashed the place. After that I went to the bath. My tears ran down my cheek. It was a scissor on the sink, so I took it and cut it slowly over my arm. I screamd, I did it over, and over again. Sudently my brother came home.  He went in, in to the bathroom. He saw me. I was just laying there tears in my eyes, […]
I really don’t feel like typing all of this out again, so I’m just gonna copy the text I sent my friend then eplain a little maybe
” Idk if I told u what happened Thursday but I don’t really wanna talk about it anymore. And today I was actually convinced that I didn’t exsist until Nick came up to be friendly which he will never know how much that meant to me. I’ve never been closer to a breakdown. Desks would have been flipped and then I’d probly fall to my knees and scream. I couldn’t take being shy in that moment. I had […]
Theres a darkness when you’re not around,
A sense of sadness that clouds my surroundings.
The tears flow down my face,
And a question of “Why†enters my space.
My chest covered by my knees,
And I’m here crying out please.
But no matter what I do or say,
You can’t come back not even for a day or two.
A sense of sorrow starts bubbling up,
And my hands are cupped around my eyes.
A tear rolls down my lip,
and my stomach does a small dip.
This is all I feel,
Something so unreal,
And that’s all I will ever say or feel.
This is my first time on the website, so I hope I don’t break any rules or something.
My story is pretty standard: a strict family, crippingly high expectations, and an inability to ever deliver what they wanted culminated in chronic depression and very bad self esteem. I once brought home a B+ for a 7th grade science class. My parents screamed at me and insulted me until I was literally on my knees, sobbing, begging them to stop.
In high school I was absolutely miserable. Because I was shy and socially awkward, I was unpopular, completely ignored. I did well in my classes, but of course not nearly well enough to please my parents. Nobody talked to […]
“True love ~ Broken dreamsâ€
-Hai, my name is Peter Alesana also other’s would like to call me Petii. I’m going to share a story about broken dreams, the human mentally capacity of fighting for your loved one, for your dreams, shattered lost soul, never endless suffering, a story what will encourage you to stand up and keep pushing even if everything seems to be dark and hopeless , when you are on two knees praying, shaking in the unconditional pain, when you cried so much that your tears turn into blood but won’t stop falling regardless how try you hard, when there is no one else there to […]
Tears from heaven,
fall from the sky,
they touch my arm and make me cry,
i look up and see the sorrow from above,
where everybody has forgotton love,
i see the pain reflected in your eyes,
youre the one who cries,
your the one who falls to your knees,
begging someone to take away your pain please,
your the one who has lost someone you love,
how you wish to join them up above,
where the stars shine brightly,
the doves gleam white,
the sngels spread their wings and take off in flight,
they fly down from above to send you a kiss of forgotten love,
open your heart remember once more,
the heavens stop crying when you open that […]
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
I was beautiful.
I was light.
I was in full control.
I could resist everything.
I loved their whispers, their stares.
I was faster than everyone.
I was not injured.
I was not broken.
I was not torn, or shattered.
I did not limp.
I could do what needed to be done.
I was smart.
I was confident.
I could ignore that voice.
I still loved him.
I did not love him.
I had cheekbones, collarbones, shoulder blades, ribs, wrist bones, knees.
I had everything.
Now I can’t even control my brain.
I’m not fast.
I’m not light.
I’m not who I should be.
Everything […]
Something I wrote years ago expressing my only real goal. I was raised southern baptist. And while most people fell on their knees and bowed to god I wanted to be one. And I read some of the Torah, Quran, a lot on Buddha, the Hindu deities, Shinto etc. I figured that I’d wipe the slate clean and just give all beings the chance to create their own universe to their own liking and they could be free to interact or not as they will. None of this forced acquiescence and forced submission that currently exists. If so many ideals, rules, expectations, mores, traditions, religions, […]
I am finally ready to physically die. Â I always knew that eventually the pain of being alive would be worse than the fear of dying. I can’t take it. Â I have to face the reality of my life. Â After more than 40 years, no one has ever been in love with me. Â I just can’t keep putting myself through each new day knowing that no one will ever touch me. Â I am disgusting and worthless. I don’t even have God anymore. Â How can I love Him when I know he doesn’t love me? When I know that he created me as this unlovable thing? […]
MY STORY
By Kelli Pedrick-Karlton
Written in 2009, a little over a year after my Dads suicide…
Late one January morning in 2008, I fell asleep on the sofa, something I rarely did and haven’t done since. The kids were all over me and the house as I slept, but I managed to get a good nap in. I was awaken to my house phone ringing, then my cell phone ringing, again the house, again the cell. I thought it was my younger sister wanting me to cut my nephews hair. I […]
Im putting this somewhere in cyberspace since no one in my life would bother to read it if I left it here and I want someone somewhere to know my story.
Ive been alone for so long now that I can barely remember what its like to have an actual conversation and the crushing solitude has crossed the threshold of the unbearable and any hope of rekindling any kind of social connection has long since faded so its time to hang it up (not literally though im way too much of a ***** to do it that way). […]
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