So Im going to enjoy my last days….. fishing, doing things I enjoy. Fuck all else….. it doesn’t matter. I’ll do things the fuckin way I want to.
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Let me ask you a question. Do we like being miserable? I am writing a post on a suicide website. How does that strike the average individual? Obviously there is no such thing as an average individual. Members of this simulacrum of grief, of this meeting place of agony, come from very diverse and varied backgrounds. Some may get help and move on. I’m willing to bet a small percent have actually killed themselves. But why does any of this matter? Well nothing matters. You have seen a person on their last day. What does a person on their last day look like? Usually unremarkable. […]
Ok, so here’s the disclaimer…if you haven’t read The Dark Tower series of books by Stephen King then this post isn’t going to make any sense to you at all.
Really what this post is about though is life, or my perspective on it from a literary sense. You see, through out my life, I’ve been an avid reader and Stephen King is my favorite author; and the Dark Tower is my favorite series. Its a series that I felt I identified with on a somewhat spiritual level. For those of you who’ve read my other post especially my first about my life, I’ve spent the […]
I am very ashamed of myself. No, my life isn’t filled with constant despair, and I haven’t lost anyone important to me. Nothing that bad actually happened to me. Still, I really want to disappear.
My friends are much more distant than they were before, and I can’t actually mantain a stable relationship between me and my parents. I feel like there’s a hole where it should be my heart, and the only thing that makes me feel better is reading. If I talk to anyone, they’ll probably tell me to stop complaining, and that my life is much better than I think.
I feel like I’m […]
I’ve spent the last 5 years dealing with depression. My mom never tried to help me and it seemed like the only person who cared was my older brother. He was the one who always drove me to therapy and he was the one who took me to the hospital after I tried to kill myself. After I moved away from him to live with my grandmother I couldn’t find anyone who cared. In the last 2 years since I’ve moved I have tried to kill myself 3 times. I realized by the third time there was some reason I was failing and I figured […]
I spoke with someone tonight about feeling suicidal. It made me feel better to know it doesn’t make me crazy. I was told to do things that distract me when I feel that way. I can see that, but again… how long do distractions last? I want the thoughts to go away. Not creep into my mind ever again. I don’t want to keep feeling this way period. Not just suicidal.
I guess it’s a bit different. People can get along. But will I ever do the same?
What makes one sane? A bunch of standardised tests for differentiated individuals?
Disorganised and depressed thoughts for the last 4 years. And I’m not even 18.
Maybe I just had a rough day. But, I’ll never be able to talk to y’all the same way.
Sorry for wasting your time. I just felt the need to turn to someone/something. Cause I have a bad tendency to turn to self abuse when I feel low or disappointed or mad at myself.
I’m an 19 year old boy who goes to college. I cant complain about my professional life. However, my social and specially my sentimental life is a mess…
Every girl i ever loved rejects me. I was bullied during my childwood so my self esteem never was very high, but all these rejections are turning it into a whole lower level.
When i entered college i said to myself that i will never fall in love during that time. that i was there only to learn and have fun. That promise didnt last more than a couple of months. i met this wonderful girl, a tiny little […]
So after the end of last summer, my life turned around….
So I’m off to 7th grade, my first year of middle school. During that time I was bullied a lot. My brother also made this new friend who didn’t like me very much. After that my brother was also kinda a bully to me. And the things they would say and do to me made me feel sad and angry and never deal with it.
So the stress and depression builds. It’s just sitting inside of me like a bo going to blow up. I also have this 7 year old sister who won’t ever leave […]
She’s proud of herself but she won’t tell you why
It has now been a month since she’s last even tried.
The voices won’t stop but today she’s won
She put down her razor and put down her gun.
After hours of thinking silently to herself
She goes and picks up her old friend off the shelf.
Overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposed of the evil that would send her to the grave.
So for the first time in awhile her lips crack a smile
It won’t be easy but in the […]
Why do people insist on celebrating the day you were pulled, kicking and screaming out of your mother, so much so that they do it every year. Why do we have to celebrate another year alive. Another year of underachieving and mistakes. Instead of moving forward with life i go backwards since last year. And this year its worse. Another year… Fuck it. Promised i wouldn’t ever see this birthday. Another promise gone…
Drowning in the sea of my tears
I can’t see anything clear
I can only feel (oh, how I feel)
This huge pain inside me
And before the water covers me all
My heart will make a last effort and cry:
“Please, someone help me!
Don’t let me drown in my tears
Take me somewhere without fear
Where I can finally find
A happiness without any pain”
But no one heard the cry
So I let my breath out and die
Theres no way out.. I just want to cut until my veins have no more blood to let out.. I want to stand on that chair and end it.. Who cares if anyone misses me.. I want it to be over. The pain, the suffering.. I’m crying just writing this. This maybe my last post.. I need it to end. I need a way out of this. Life isn’t worth living anymore. It never was worth it. I can’t think of the last time I was actually happy.. What is being happy feel like? Because I don’t know anymore.. So this is it.. goodbye
Hi guys. So, uhm, I’ve been very distraught lately. For the last 6 years I’ve had depression but it really started hitting me last year. Around April, my family turned their back on me. I live with my cousin, sister and grandmother. My cousin wanted to move out and she needed an excuse, so she said I abused her. I had to be forced to move away multiple times from April-September during that time. Also a lot of my closest friends have turned their backs too. I went to a lot of them for help and they all rejected me and this year i made […]
Earth-shack up in New-Mexico. Meet me up, twist-plot our next move. Go north, perhaps. We, the good vagabond.*
by Bisban
written by Bisban
A “Solar Kiva.” An earth-shack, two States over from SoCal.
Can we survive the summer in Taos.
The UV radiation may be overwhelming.
There is nowhere to run. Somewhere to hide.
The moth smelled the blood. The blood.
Dead like the dead past. In transcendence.
Hell’s Satan is the root of our modern life.
Still small in time; the history of our modern human history.
Dead like the dead past. The crystal evolution.
The angels. God, the ancient alien.
The story. The cosmic-saddest, of all.
But our hearts, abyssal devoured. Our nature, a defect.
That is the story of “Man.” The devil has won since […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I seriously think I am throwing my life in the garbage, but sadness has eaten the last bit of awareness I had left in my brain and I discovered a profound love for drugs…. So I guess after the strong tides I’ve tried to swim through, it’s time I float on this raft for a while, just for a little bit. It makes me feel secure. I still see my dream island far in the horizon, but I need rest. I’ll have to start swimming again soon if I don’t want to be carried away on an unsafe shore. But for now, I am just […]
I hear all these people who talk about God’s plan for people, and how everything that happens is by “His” will. Personally I don’t really believe in that, for a couple reasons.
#1 If everything really is all part of a plan, then there would never be any cause for worry about consequences. This site is full of people who think that suicide is an acceptable way to end your life (I’m included in that category) but most of society especially religious nuts talk about how its such a sin. But if you do end up killing yourself, isn’t that part of the plan too? So […]
I have been self harming for the last past four years and have been asking for help but no one wants to know so there fore tonight maybe the night I take my life I can not cope no more my life has turned upside down and need help coming back onto my feet but no one is willing to help me so y should I help myself.
I moved out to Corona, California in June of 2013, and bout two months into moving to the new city I still felt new to the city and developed a sadness for being a way from my old friends. I am a 16 year old guy and I’m not much of a social person. I pretty much stuck with the same friends I had living in my old town. But back then I was more social and interactive with my friends, I actually did things outside of school and home with my friends. The last time I had a girlfriend was 2012. But now living […]