hello… I’m new on here… though I’ve been lurking around here since last year, just too scared to make an account. so… hi?
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i hung in there with you through thick and thin..you threw me away now im the one thats left wondering why and what i did so wrong for you to walk away like what we had meant nothing to you.
you are just like the rest taking what you want and giving nothing, i actually loved you so fucking much it hurt me everyday.
why cant i just be accepted or find happiness i cant remember the last time i smiled and meant it..ah well the world wont have to put up with me for much longer!
Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]
not sure what sociopathical syndrome it takes for someone to come to a forum like this and try to push people over the edge for fun. but please get rid of him, it’s the last thing this site needs.
ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place. Â figures.. Â ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.
have never completed any thing. Â highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them. Â the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year. Â ive been homeless3-9 months out […]
No one saw her the way she truly was until she jumped.
I suppose a fire that burns that bright is not meant to last.
-Allegiant
I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even […]
Hi Guys,
This is just going to be short and sweet. First off I am sorry that I didn’t post my weekly post yesterday. I completely forgot and I was so tired. Anywho here I am. Yay….
How are you guys?
How am I? Um well… Not so good. It’s so tempting to go… It’s so tempting to say goodbye… It’s so tempting…
Here’s a poem:
My feet hit the soft carpet
I look up at myself
Tears streaming down my face
I look at myself in the mirror for the last time.
I brush my hair to make it look good
I put the brush down […]
my problem is not that I wanna kill myself
it’s not that
it’s not that I get pleasure out of feeling my blood trickle out
it’s not that I love the pain rushing through my limbs
it’s not
that.
last thing I want to do is kill myself
what I want is to die.
I don’t want the meds.
not a drink of poison.
I dont wanna go out and
get raped and killed
after being held at gunpoint
what I want is to die, peacefully, in my sleep, away
I wanna die dreaming about you
cause any other way, I can’t
A new one came in today
Another drugged up junkie high on his last paycheck
Can’t remember his name, in a few days it won’t matter anyway
Bragging about his last score, his last binge, the best place to get more of the drug that leeches the life out my people
How can he talk like that? How can he boast about this destructive lifestyle of murder and morphine? Is he proud? Is he proud of where it’s gotten him? I look at him with disgust. That drug. That evil fucking drug that has destroyed thousands of lives, my friends lives, my life, and he’s […]
I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago and came out of it pretty well considering. Last summer I suffered another injury that has caused some of my brain injury to come back along with new problems. I lack impulse control and I’m severely depressed and get angry easily. It’s just a matter of time before that lack of impulse control triggers me to act on my depression. Even without that problem I try and talk myself out of committing suicide. It would be so much easier for this life to be over.
So I just got this idea in English class that I could write a story thats 365 pages (they’re practically gonna be chapters) and each one is going to be journal entries for each day of the year. But on the very last day of the year, she is going to commit suicide and succeed. This book is going to turn out very well i hope. I might post it page by page on here. Maybe two pages/chapters a day, but that will only happen when I finish the entire book/story thing.
what i just found out.. last night that ..
well like almost a month ago i got rapped.. by my used to be step dad. and then my neightbor was talking to my mom about it last night .
that he could have killed me..
if he didnt want anyone to find out about it.. it breaks my heart. for my mo to live in so much pain alone.. she still cant handle me getting rapped and then if he killed me ?.. my mom will be just left here alone. with no one helping her and her having nothing to do any more. my […]
Even since I finished school I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study… Am I supposed to know at age 16 what I want to do for the rest of my life??? What I’m good for?? In the last ten years since I graduated from High School, I’ve pursued more careers that most people in their live do: Law School (twice), Culinary arts, Graphical Design (twice), Vet School, Commercial Aviation, etc… And being a failure on all of them, until I pursued Hotel & Restaurant Management, and everything seemed to go extremely well, good grades, with not so many Relapses on Depression, self-harm and Voluntary […]
So the only reason that I didn’t cut is because of 3 things. My guy friend who I really like, my mom and because I lost the blades that I cut with. Each day I would go rummaging through my room to find the box that I keep my blades in, because I needed my fix of seeing that blood flow down my wrist, and because I needed to feel the pain. If you’re a cutter, you know what I’m talking about. I finally found them on Thursday last week and I was so happy. 3 weeks of not cutting was kinda hard.
I  want all the pain to go away that feel inside but know never going to happen. iv got to  much of it for it to disapear.
Hard times last forever but true friendships do!
It’s funny how one can want to die so badly, but want to live at the same time. I’ve been having a really hard time keeping my head out of the water. More so in the past few days than I have in the last month and a half. Usually, I manage to keep myself safe and not commit any rash decisions. I know my desire to die is impulsive. I know there’s no going back. I know it’s just an invasive thought that I’ll somehow manage to relegate to the back of my head eventually.
When it gets too intense I know what I need […]
This isn’t really how I feel NOW, but I wrote that earlier this week ’cause this is something I do a lot :
Bath time was over. It was enough. So I pulled the bathtub plug. Then the water started to go away, slowly. I didn’t really want this bath to end, so I stayed there waiting for the water to vanish. Then I started thinking about you. About how it was over and that I didn’t really want it to end. When the water was leaving me, I felt as insecure as I was when you first started to walk away. At first, it was […]
It seems as though I have been waiting so long for my life to end. I just manage to live through another day and then another night. It is my hope that each day will be the last. Each evening as I fall asleep I hope that I will not awaken.
It’s been three weeks since I picked up a knife
And took it to my skin, when I began to slice
With each cut I made, the weaker I felt
And my heart had been filled to the top with guilt
It’s been two weeks since I wanted to die
To just disappear, oh how I wanted to cry
I wanted to lay in my grave and never wake again
But instead I took my feelings down with paper and a pen
It’s been one week since I last had bad thoughts
I’ve been doing what I can to survive, with everything I’ve got
I’ve been revived, I’m living a life
A life where I don’t […]