I am not leaving my apartment until October….or in a body bag, whichever comes first.
Tag:
leaving
I love her I need her so much she’s my everything and she left. I can’t get her back and I now I have no purpose. She stitched this broken man back together and then tore out the staples leaving me more broken than before but I need her so badly
i had a dream last night
i dreamt that i had died in my sleep and my spirit was standing by my dead body.
my mom came in to wake me up for school. she kept shaking and shaking me to get up.
i tried to tell her i died but she couldnt hear me.
when she realised i had passed she started to cry and my brother came in and cried too cause my mom told him what happened.
and i felt bad for leaving them so i stayed with them forever until they died.
but i couldnt go with them because i missed my chance so i was stuck […]
I’m happy till I sleep. Sleeping is my struggle.. Is my hell. Most of you struggle with suicide and cutting and I’m stuck with sleepless nights full of fear an torment. I’m happy. I’ve been sucked up by depression and spit out by suicide. Cutting didn’t give me the help I needed so I left. I’m not going back. I refuse to go back. My breathing shallows and I become more and more afraid of leaving this world before I complete one of my tasks. Anxiety hasn’t let go of my wrist and it hurts.. It hurts so bad. I can’t over power him.. I’m […]
It’s funny the things that push you to the edge. I write on here just in case I have the strength to leave for good and someone will find this to get answers on why I would have done what I did. I haven’t felt the need to leave in a long time. I thought I was doing so good. Things were looking up. Just slightly. At least enough for me to only contemplate it once in awhile. Have you guys ever read Thirteen Reasons Why? I read it way too much. I get lost into it. I get lost on the idea of leaving […]
Music is being abused
People are being used
And me
I’m still confused
On why I’m here
Why I’m alive
To only survive
The cruelty and ridicule
Of others
Save me
Mother
Hear me
Brother
Oh
I’m alone
I miss me
And missed me
All at once
What was important then
Is now non-existent, leaving, or changing
Sorta like me
I’m a lot like life
With these
Hollow bones
Every day I wake up, dreading everything and anything that could happen during the day. I get to school. Everything’s fine. Walk down the hall my friends wait for the bell in and sit with them. Just fine. They start talking with each other, leaving me to my thoughts, and suddenly everything around me goes quiet. It’s like a little island. Just me. Reaching out for someone to notice the little, nerdy, fat girl who just wants to be loved. Then the bell rings and everything is fine. My friends call me to walk with them to class and we joke around as if nothing […]
Wether you like it or not. Your feeling of worthlessness gets stronger by the minute. Everything irritates you event the sound of the Birds Tweeting is just enough. I feel tired just tired and there is nothing that seems to lifts you out of this mood you are in. It is what it is. I am afraid. I am afraid of leaving my sons on their own to fend for themself. Is suicide selfish or is it selfish of those around you that dont understand anything for you to carry on marching on.
I want so many things in life. I want to be the one that makes a difference. I want to be the person that will be there for you no matter what. I want to be someone useful. I want to be liked and accepted. I mean, who doesn’t? I want to fit in. I want to be happy.
I want a normal life with a normal family. I wish I had someone I could call mom. Have someone to call dad. I never had a dad growing up so it makes me want one even more. I see girls with their dads and those are […]
I like to consider myself recovered. However sometimes I still have the thought of suicide enter my brain. It catches me off guard. Sometimes I want to act on it. I don’t exactly want to die. I have a lot I will be leaving behind. I am so tempted to cut though. I crave it actually. I can’t because I’ll get caught by my boyfriend. He will see the cuts and I can’t stop him from seeing them. I want to cut and I hate that I do. I don’t want to get locked up again. Sometime I wonder if I do this all for […]
ive been wondering all this while. why am i so ugly, fat and stupid? people keep leaving me and that’s not ok. ive started cutting about a month ago and it is addictive. im doing it all day without even stopping. sad is the new happy and pain is the new cure. bye!
I believe i married the wrong boy. I hate his fucking guts. He is such an asswhole with no regard for anyones feelings but his own. I want to leave him but im stuck. only other option is to die kill myself leaving behind a beautiful baby. Why stay with him is the question i ask myself. I fucking hate this guy. Stupid dick. I wish i had the balls eboygh to completely exit frim this shitty earth. Buuuuuut no im a big fat scardy cat. This is bullshit.
You know that feeling you get, when the air feels so thick it’s hard to breath?
When if feels like what’s going on is just a dream?
A nightmare?
When you don’t feel like living or leaving your room?
When society is the enemy?
How about when you feel like crying for hours upon hours; but you can’t cause tears won’t form?
When you feel dead, like a walking corps?
When you feel that SUICIDE is the only way to fix it; but you are scared of death?
No?
How about when you feel like the world has betray you?
When you feel everyone hates you?
Like your alone?
When you are desperate for someone, anyone to […]
I was told today that my parents want to take me out for lunch sometime next week.
Well, less of they want me to, more of I have to go with them.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. I hate leaving the house now. Scratch that, I hate leaving my bedroom. It’s pathetic.
Well, if all goes to plan, they won’t be able to take me out, except in some weird Weekend at Bernie’s style escapade.
And of course I’ve added all of this to the cumulative message I will send him. I feel like he needs […]
I always play out something in my head like for example, if I imagine myself going to my room to put curtains up I imagine seeing a face in the window… But I never see them just imagine them and it’s always the same monster just different at times.. It’s always a white face or mask with black hole for eyes or just souless pitch black eyes or something on the stair case… Someone touching my feet when I’m a sleep or when laying in bed i imagine seeing a shadow crawling around on the floor.. I get sculed at for leaving the lights on […]
Trying not to break down but yet starting to slide into the cracks at the same time…. No one understands my pain or whats on my mind right now. Maybe this is a bad point one someone says there’s only one you because you are unique. The knife is still in my back not going in any deeper but still hanging in there leaving me numb except for those raw tears I’ve been crying of misery, pain…. Just wishing to get out of it like a butterfly leaving its cocoon. Late at night just to get a little shut eye. But even when I’m asleep […]
I made an account last night…Im not really sure what say.
I’ve been battling chronic depression since I was 14 I’m 24 now. I attempted suicide my first time when I was 18, and again at age 23. I was given one glorious opportunity at peace about 8 months ago, leaving this world with someone, someone that took all the pain way. I can’t go more then two days without wishing I would have just said yes.
Last year around this time, I was admitted to the hospital for my severe depressive disorder…or whatever the fuck they called it. So I got to stay in the chamber of insanity hospital for about 5 agonizing days and missed my brother’s birthday.
I’ve been in therapy about a year now, longest I’ve ever been continually going. Along the way I got to be diagnosed with something lovingly called PTSD. That shit right there likes to tag-team with all the other emotions you got and send you into a downhill whirlwind. I would like to personally thank 3 people, no names mentioned, for disowning me, molesting […]
Just two days ago, my dog had to be put to sleep. As I’m typing this, I should be getting some sleep myself. It’s 1:30am, and I don’t want to, nor can’t I, sleep.
The worst part? He was my only real friend. From the moment I owned him, even to this day, I had, and still have, a grand total of zero human friends.
All my schoolmates did was one of three things: say hello once a month, ignore me, or see how far they could push me, if they could make me snap.
It must have been their favourite game: Push The Freak Until He Breaks. […]
The deep voice within my mind is stuck on repeat. “Let me out” “get me out of here” as I sit here alone with the thoughts of my head and brain exploding. Leaving me (my mind) to be set free from this head, this body