Hello. I have just signed up here so first of all, a big hello to you all and thanx for reading this message. I have been contemplating ending all of this for a while as i just cant hack life anymore. I have been diagnozed with bi-polar disorder and left my wife last year in a mania phase. I recently tried to patch things up with her but am not sure if its gonna work or not and to be honest if it doesnt i dont know what i would do. I have a 6 year old son yet i believe he will be better […]
Tag:
left
The only thing left to do is for me to accept my fate
The only thing left that will continue is a purple hue
I am the Eternal Morlock, but I must continue
Please do not try to find me; I will return in seven years
But to never
Spit-dragon, I lost my power
I cannot breathe like a fire
Spawn has arrive in the water
Mask, chain, neck to the boulder
I am the God of Warlock
The thunder, the alpha
A missing key, a void
I am the one that I seek
Only I […]
“Not Falling”
by Mudvayne
Always, known in, all my time,
A little left of center now
Reflect as I realize,
That all I need is to find the middle pillar path to sit like the sun by a star in the sky and
just be.
Sinners, casting stones at me
I… I stand, not crawling, not falling down
I… I bleed the demons that drag me down
I… I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (the center), not falling down (of calms within the eye)
I… I’ll bleed, (for no one), The demons, (but myself), that pull me down (for me and no one else)
Goodbye, sunshine, I’ve put […]
Heres the short version of my story, im 20 have never gotten laid, have aspergers, dont have any legit friends, left school because I couldnt take the mental horror that was bullying. I have no degree, I havent had a girlfriend in years, all my friends have someone in their lives, but me im the ugly duckling who wants to take a revolver an blow his head off. Why am I always getting rejected by people :'(
i havent cried in over 4 years, but after she told me she loved him and not me, i lost it. i felt like i had no control over myself, i started cutting my hips with a knife, i stopped after 8. i cut as hard as i could. she called the police because she didnt know what to do. i had to lie to them and say it was a misunderstanding, but the moment they left, i broke down into tears. tonight was a perfect night. it was pouring outside, pitch black out, i literally stood out there for over an hour. now im […]
Okay, well where should I begin? First, you should know that I’m not a very open person. At all. Second, I’ve been “depressed” for about a year now. Or maybe longer, I don’t really know. Not many people know about my depression. And yes I’ve self harmed many times.
This is currently my second day of missing school and I’m so far behind already that it’s frightening. I lack the motivation to do anything anymore. I’ve basically ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. And I’m currently destroying all my friendships because I don’t have the energy to keep up with everyone. Have I tried discussing this […]
When all you need is someone who just knows and tell you it’ll be okay, you remember that you’ve already scared them away and there is no one left. with each cut I become less human, I just want to feel again, have that sensation of being alive.
I don’t honestly know what to say so i’ll just start typing and hope it works. so for the most part my life hasn’t been the worst I grew up mostly in a trashy trailer park my dad left the day i was born. i also got bullied when i was little i would come home with bruise, cuts, scraps quite often there where some older gets who would beat on me. it wasn’t to bad then it started when i was about 4 but i had a few friends so i could take it. but in second grade my mom forced me to switch […]
Here i am, unable to sleep once again. It has been becoming more regular lately. Thinking of the failures of my life. The failures bound to take their place in my life eventually, who knows how many more there could be. I feel like it’s getting closer to the day that i just give into these thoughts. I just want it to come to an end. An abrupt, swift end.
Now for a little back story i guess (sorry in advance in if i get carried away). When i was in primary school, i was bullied to the point where an eight year old (myself) wanted […]
I know that one day, you will leave me. I dream of you every night. I used to have normal dreams, but now they turned into the most morbid dreams that you could ever imagine. Why won’t this leave me alone? Why cant this leave me alone. I wake up not knowing what to think. What to think of you. What to think of “my life”. “Our life”. Our poor kids. That’s the only thing that keeps me holding on. That and the fact that I’m to ***** to do it. My whole Family hates me. Cast me off. No friends left, no home left. I […]
when i first came here on this site i had a feeling, that most of persons here consider suicide as something right to do, the only thing to do. The only question was, how to do it. I was terrified. My brother commited suicide and thats why i came here in the first place. I wanted to know, how his minde worked, why he did it, by reading posts of other suicidal people. I thought it would help me with handling his death, but it made it worse,so it took a lot of courage to click on this page again today. But now I am […]
Tonight’s the night I end it. The only person I ever loved left me and won’t talk to me . I lost a baby and my friends don’t care anymore. I can’t wait to just go to sleep and never wake up. I only hope I do it quickly or that if I drink enough that the pain will be quick. I wish I could have told him I love him one last time.
Stupid, hopeless me. God, please have mercy on me and take me. I hate myself more than I can express with words.
I have made my “Danger, do not enter” suicide signs. I have what I need to carry it out. I am just scared. And I want to make sure that I’m absolutely certain that there’s really zero hope left, because my chosen method spares no survivors as far as I know.
But God do I wish we didn’t have that natural self preservation instinct that makes it all that much harder to carry out.
been trying to die since I was three, I tried to hang myself by a rope on a swing set. my entire life has been depressing. I knew happiness for a short time but that person gave up on me and left. every time I’ve overdosed, someone always found me. now that I am stuck living alone, no one should find me right away, but I don’t have the access to those prescription pills anymore. I want to try asphyxiation or strangling but having trouble figuring out how to tie these knots. also don’t rope but have scarfs, belts, shoelaces, bed sheets clothes…help
So g-ma was batshit crazy mommy is batshit crazy now turns out the star child is batshit crazy too but I’m too smart to try and die like mommy and too many people know my name for me to disappear like mommy wanted me to. I got left twice before daddy stepped in and at least I have a room to be left in. Lucky for me another she came along and we ended up going to the same schools. I used to cut a lot and it felt so good but she hates it so I got on my knees and promised her I […]
A scamming thief conned me out of $28000 in loans which have never been paid back and now I’m so broke, I can’t even pay for utilities or food. Then last week he even went and robbed my house of every single item of value, plus many, many items that are so sentimental and irreplaceable. This on top of the fact that I was barely surviving to begin with. He took away whatever fight that I had left to live. I’m done. I’m so stupid. He played on my sense of empathy and compassion and used, lied and scammed me until there was nothing left […]
today was a mix of things. I am a little drunk. I had a bunch of mimosas with a coworker. delicious. Today was meant to be a busy but powerful and productive day.
I went to my old apartment where I paid my rent till the end of the month to discover that my ex roommates went into my room and “cleaned up.” They threw away different pieces of cardboard and plastic bags that I had left there. I went back to clean up and pick up some things I’d left today. I was shocked especially because some of the materials I left there, I left […]
I have finally given up my will to live. I know that there’s no point, when all I have to look forward to is more of the same. Even if I were to manage to get through this period in my life, it would just be another rotation of the wheel that is my mental health. I might be able to get help and become “happy” again, but my depression will just come back around again and again. So I’ve given up the will to fight any longer. That part of me is gone. My will is dead. Like it was a real person. Will […]
I walked away so long ago
left my heart and soul buried somewhere in the snow.
Frozen forever, as cold as ice
what is left of me is not so nice.
Try to warm me up
I will swallow you whole
trying to fill this empty hole.
Heartless is what I am
so I have locked me away
I dont want to destroy you
like they destroyed me.
I want you to fly
and to be as free as a bird
to sing your beautiful song
soaring high above the earth.
I want you to laugh and smile
to feel the warmth of the sun
Do you every feel like a baby bird?
A baby bird is helpless when it first hatches.
They do not know how to fly, and they do not know how to survive without their mothers.
There’s always that one baby bird that gets everything right.
It doesn’t plummet to its death when it tries to fly; it soars, and it is able to go on with its life independently.
And then there’s you.
You’re the one that can’t get up.
You’re the one that gets left behind when the rest of your siblings go out for something useful.
You’re the one left to freeze to death as the rest fly to hibernation.
You can’t […]