I have finally realized that pain and suffering are human emotions along with hate envy greed lust depression lots of fealings that can drag a person down and everyone searches for love and happyness but in the corrupt world we live in that’s all it is a search dose anyone find the real thing anymore in life the thing for me is what is love my mom told me she loved me once but her actions were to loud to here what she said she gave me to the state and abandoned me with nothing is that love now I’m older I’ve tried to move […]
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letter
I’ve decided that I want to do this.
I have everything planned out, I just need to finish writing my letters. A long time ago the plan was to write a letter for everyone who has ever been a part of my life but now I just want to do close friends and family, it’s too overwhelming to try to write something for everyone, especially people who I haven’t talked to in years.
I feel like this is what is meant for me. After years of fighting and hoping and praying I just can’t do it anymore. Nothing is ever going to work out or stay going […]
“Yeah, the whole thing begins, and I let you sink into my veins, and I feel the pain like it’s new.”
I ‘ve tried and tried to forget. the pain. the tears. the laughing. the smiling. the places. the memories. you. And no matter what I do or say, I can’t. I miss it all, every second and day of it. I miss how close we were. Now it’s just gone, without any explanation. Not even a good-bye. I put away all the things you gave me so I wouldn’t be as reminded of you. It helped for awhile. But then I took out the letter…. […]
Dearest Dear Friends and Family Hello Friends Dear Family
To Whom It May Concern:
Where do I start with this letter? Maybe I should start at the beginning… It’s a good place to start, I guess. For the past five months I have been sad, depressed, suicidal. For the past five months I have guided myself, comforted myself, and hurt myself. I have a friend. It’s a he. I know. Woah. Don’t go all protective on me though, because he has helped me through this journey and I hope he still does. For the past five months there have […]
So this is a suicide letter I wrote to my best friend (Leaving her unknown because I’m protecting her identity. So lets just call her Anne and call me Rose. And if I say “I love you”, its friend love.) because I was really thinking about it that day.
February 8 2014
Dear Anne,
I honestly do not want to say this one word that means so many things, but this is my goodbye. I love you so much and I know you’re hurting too, but please don’t make the same mistakes that I’m making. I don’t want you to turn up the same way that […]
i feel like I’m walking into a sacred temple of sorts and I’m defiling the marble staircases just by stepping onto them. If I walk past the oak doors and into the cathedral, the stained glass windows will shatter and the pillars will crack and crumble at my undeserved and unwanted entry; i have no place here, I’m barely lost. I am a wandering destruction.
I wrote something a few days ago, and i’m sharing it here, now.
“To the Readers”
Slip.
You slip and nothing is as it should be; the world around you is but an endless dream, a mere coffee stain on your notebook […]
December was when I had my last appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist, and that is when they said they’d send out new ones in the new year. A month later and I’m still waiting for the letter. So I decided to call up their offices, to find out whether they’d made one and I just hadn’t got the letter. Turns out they haven’t even fucking made one with me. What a nice way to find out even my psychiatrist and therapist have given up with me, a fucking phone call with their receptionist. I don’t even know if this means they’ve discharged me or […]
today i morn the loss of my good frends dan edwords i fownd his bodey this morening he was a frend and a brother to me in his note was a letter wich he had read befor me its was open (for a few weeks hed been opeaning my letters for some reson) and he put a note inside saying “do well i love you dont …” the rest was to messey or coverd in blood to read so crying aand stagaring on my feet i take it from the guy who has just given it to me and i reed the note but i […]
Hello everyone =D
Aw…I went to psychiatrist this morning…as I expected he offered medicines for a treatment (therapy sucks)…I didn’t accepted, I just told him I’ve been planning suicide for months, he was very understanding, I didn’t think he believed me though.
Well, I’m going to do tomorrow, problably (it isn’t up to me, I need my family to go out for some hours).
I planned to inhale cook gas, which is very toxic because it’s not natural gas.It’s painless…
I talked to my mom, tried to give her some confort, get the things less painful to her, I know she will get hurt anyway…obviously […]
Don’t say I’m better off dead, cause heaven’s full and hell won’t have me.                                  Can you help me to stop sinking?                                                     […]
I’m scared to get close and i hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher i get, the lower i’ll sink.
I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.
Quit Worrying About How You Look, it’s About Whats On The Inside!
i don’t care who you are. your beautiful and amazing in your own unique and special way, please don’t let what he/she says make you stop believing that. the people who hurt you most are the ones who usually are the closest to you…but don’t beat yourself up, and depress yourself with it, because they may have called you ugly. stupid. fat. etc..but only you can believe them..only you can take it to heart. only you can take it as far as it gets. You, are Your Biggest Enemy. free yourself from mental slavery, […]
I’m geting really tired this ridiculous life. All I do everyday is turning my brain to off so I can run away from my pain. That’s the only thing that worked so far too. I can’t connect with anyone, can’t relate to anything and can’t find any worth in me. I’m tired of pretending I still want to do studies, tired of pretending everything is gonna get better. I’m sick of hearing the same lies everyday, sick of lying all the time. I can’t bare living among people who’d rather value greed, malice, and putting their kind down all the time. I’ve had enough of […]
Random Reminiscing , cos’ I let mom read the instructions..
(just like the bubble gum components being molded by our mouth, exchanging places to nowhere )
My clothes, school books, mags, and other toys for big men were designated to be inherited by my close relatives. I really thought she would be happy when she realizes my breathing identity is about to disappear from this lively planet, instead she scolded me, saying I had to help my brothers raise their family. So I wondered again, Am I really just the one selfish? or does it just runs in the family? Nah, we were programmed both from our […]
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