If it is to keep your life. No warning, i’m pulling a major trigger tonight. Last year 2014 (i know its hard to remember that passed) on september 11th as survivor of war left her suicide note here. Her note ended in the most hurtful self loathing lie that anyone could tell themself. This person’s handle here was trippylikenirvana. The tale she tells so clearly of her most early traumas are left to haunt us not by the images they bring forth in our minds, but by the utter cloud of confusion that formed around her after. This woman experienced a trauma early in life […]
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life
Hello,
I am sure that all of you have heard your share of troubles, so I will spare the details. Suffice to say that I need a reason to continue on. I have been up and down, and lower. One of my shrinks always tells me that you can only feel as high as you have been low. . .I have yet to submerge into that euphoria. I struggle to find any real reason to continue on. What is the point? Share a couple laughs with others? Live a monotonous; day to day life. I’ve traveled, performed for people from just about every class level, studied, […]
I remember last year, I got a really adorable card for someone 1000 miles away that I’d probably never meet anyways…
Someone who would always let me pester then about maybe being in a relationship one day, and gently push me towards finding someone else, the whole ’emotional support’ spheal all along the way…
Someone who, for one of the first times I really felt like saying the hell with it and shooting myself, I wanted to keep talking to all the way to the end…that eventually made me feel like I couldn’t, somehow….
I still have the card, of course…they just wanted pictures of it, rather than […]
The more I think about it the more I say Fuck this world! Sure there is much beauty on this planet but then it is vivaciously obscured by the undignified injustices that occur daily as they have been for centuries. The greed, governmental corruption, theft, intentional misleading by our elected officials just so that they can fulfill their own agendas and Fuck the next guy; have greatly distorted my perceptions of the beautiful life that is painted for us as children!!! I guess that’s called “reality.” The beauty of this planet is one thing (another existence that we as humans are slowly destroying as well) […]
i am worried that some people on here are trolling this site looking for the vulnerable. rest assured i am strong. yet in pain. i am so lonely right now. i made the mistake of calling my parents’ home. my mother is heavily into gaslighting and loves to confuse my mind. i screamed at her called her a name left a nasty message for them both and then fell into some guilt. now i dont care. i would give anything not to be this person anymore, hanging on by a thin thread. the agony of alone can destroy you. sick of the gd voices but […]
Made a grown man cry today. Told my father I just want to pass away, that I dont want to live another day. that death would kill my pain. So turn you eyes away, you dont want to see this. Avert your eyes and pray, and then he screamed
Dont go, I need you here with me. Dont go, I need you here.
Saved a young mans life today. I caught him as he jumped to his fate. I told him son I know your pain but doing this will just pawn it away. I wont turn away I cant let you do this. I wont walk […]
Going to treatment tommorow to get help, but in my mind its just going to make it worse. We will see when i get out, but everybody keep yalls head held high, and be strong. Project simicolon ;;; !!! Draw a simicolon on your wrist. The simicolon is used in writing sentences for authors who could end their sentence but have chosen not to. Draw this on your wrist because YOU are this author who could have ended your life but have chosen not to. Stay strong!
I can’t even manage to think life is this hard I just wanna stop life and just go but I know there are to many people who would be affected but it’s all the time I’m having to make other people happy when I have to wear a mask of happiness so they can be happy they never seem to think about what I want whether I’m happy or not I can’t be bothered with this life anymore
“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.”
Veronica Roth, Insurgent #3
This passage resonates so deeply in me.
I’m suicidal and have been for over 30 years, living one day at a time. That method of surviving has made life long and exhausting. I’m not suicidal because of some previous abuse (physical, sexual, etc.) or anything traumatic such as that. I’ve had a great life by most people’s standards. I just observed early in life as a shy, quiet, Asperger’s kid that there was not much to look forward to other than going through the same motions as everyone else–get educated, further that education, get some sort of job, advance in one’s career, make money, and pay bills–oh, and die. Sure there are […]
I want to die!
– But I kept thinking what my family would feel, I am looking for hints as to how they would accept my death. I dont want to be selfish and just kill myself without thinking of what other people whom I think, would not care or people who I wouldnt even have the slightest idea that would care would feel if I committed suicide. I am waiting for the right time that I think that nobody would ever care for me, then its alright to die. the funny thing is it never happens, everytime I have the urge to commit suicide, someone or […]
26 years working for the same company…boss half my age, 21 year old daughter sick in a wheelchair all her life, me and wife are 24/7 caregivers. I dont want to anymore. nothing is fun nothing is worthit. Cant even get disab insurance to believe Im not well so i wasted 3 weeks off no pay and will probably be stuck going back to work in a few days. fuck it. 26 ativan in a bottle in the bathroom. Only reserve i have is that its not enough. I dont want to end up on a machine. Never though I was a bad person but […]
I just want to sleep and never wake up. I’m a single woman in my thirties with no significant relationships other than my parents. I’ve tried to have friends but things just don’t seem to work out. I have nothing to offer people anymore. I’m to depressed. I have no children to worry about either. I have no job. I have nothing. I’m planning on wrapping a few things up and writing a suicide note for my parents sake, then taking all of my pills tonight. No one knows, no one would even care anyway. Life means nothing anymore.
I love you more than my own life… you swore to me marriage and a future… you swore to always love me… and now I don’t even know if you’ll be here… you may leave… please… don’t go… the millions of chances I’ve given you, just give me one… you PROMISED to work through this with me, no matter how hard… please… don’t go…
As a kid growing up, I didn’t grow up happy. The pain I go through everyday of my life does not equal to the average kid today or even less. My biological father was my everything to me when I was young. He was the only person I look up to. We weren’t close, but he was the one in my life that gave me hope and happiness. Around the age of five, I was oblivious to see our family problems. I had no idea what was going on. My father told me in the midst of my sleep that he loved me, that he […]
During my darkest times in life, I had nothing to resort to but pain and misery, on the brink of ending it all looking down at the depths of it all and seeing peace and happiness once and for all. I thought I could never be saved and nearly killed myself 3 times but somehow I just wouldn’t die. I’ve been to an asylum, etc. talked to various shrinks but at the end of the day, none of it could help, only I could. That was 4 years ago during my junior year of high school when I was displaced from everything I knew of. […]
It makes not since.. Back at one..
You told me I meant so much to you, yet when I try to do something to benefit you because I know if I didn’t do what I did, you’d be in serious trouble… you turn everything around and pin things on me, to make me seem like the bad guy.. I can’t say I don’t have any mistakes, we all do.. But I never do anything to hurt you, and if I have it’s not intentionally.. I have only ever cared for you, more than I think I actually know how to care for myself and my […]
I sit here looking out my window wishing a stray bullet would just come through and end it all.
Other times i sit and see the Semi trucks pass by. wondering and knowing it could end if I would just step right out in front of it.
Another night of self hatred. No way to get out, No way to make anything better.
Maybe for once Something will answer my pleads and just finish me off.
I wouldnt care if i died in a brutal way. Just want it to end.
No strength to fight, NO strength to end it myself. NO power to get by.
I am a ghost who […]
Sitting there blank-faced, forcing a smile has to be the painful scene that I act-out, every-day. Why do we need to smile… is it a law of nature ? People just do not understand that a smile indicates a positive in a persons life; but constant-sometimes it has no-reason- pain cannot produce a smile, naturally.
Forcing myself into this smile, is as pathetic as insisting that “I’m fine” when I’ve clearly drank almost two bottles of wine — the latter is painfully funny, but the former is just painful. I can do laughing — laughing is part of a momentary reaction to a funny act, event, notion, thought or an uttered […]
Guilt.
Guilt is my prison cell.
6 concrete walls that confine me into an existence that I hate.
“Why guilt?” some of you may ask.
I feel guilty for the possibility that someone out there that I am not aware of would grieve upon my death.
People who are not there for me in life, yet would experience pain and self-blame if I completed my last task.
Knowing that I could possibly hurt more people than I know by finally ridding myself of the one thing that causes me the most pain –
That’s what confines me here to a joyless, meaningless life.
I need to be around people in real life. I […]