I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago and came out of it pretty well considering. Last summer I suffered another injury that has caused some of my brain injury to come back along with new problems. I lack impulse control and I’m severely depressed and get angry easily. It’s just a matter of time before that lack of impulse control triggers me to act on my depression. Even without that problem I try and talk myself out of committing suicide. It would be so much easier for this life to be over.
so..i’ve really fucked up my life. i’m only 14 years old and what can i say about my life? I’m a teenage girl who smokes cigarettes and gets high with her friends almost every day. i self harm (which i started again today :/) and my friends dont even really like me unless they can smoke at my house.
i’m literally so far gone. i just don’t even know what to do anymore.
you know how they say life is a highway? mine’s a dead end. and i’m ready to give up.
right now, it’s late where i am, but i dont sleep anymore. my sleep is filled […]
Every few days I go out to get some groceries, as I did today. It isn’t that I don’t want to go out- I do want to feel sun on my face and breathe in fresh air. I need that; I need that most days. But I often find myself unable to get out because I am scared, depressed, feeling trauma – because when I do go out, Â I feel disconnected, anxiety and very lost. As soon as I am done w groceries I head home, and it also gives me anxiety that I have to make the journey home. I am completely lost and […]
I used to know who I was. I was the person that my parents wanted me to be, and I was happy to be that person. But now, I’m not sure who I am or what I’m going to do. I’m lost in life and I don’t want to find my way again, because I am afraid of what will happen if I do. I feel as if I am lost, and just drifting through life. But I don’t know what else there is to it, because this is all that I remember. Cutting is the one thing that I have control over, to just […]
Does that even make sense?
My life has been fraught with death. Â Now it’s all around me, like a heavy curse
And it’s only going to keep happening. Â It’s only going to get worse. Â How can this be tolerable?
I was thinking that it’s one more reason to get out of here. Â By dying, you beat the others to the punch. Â You don’t have to watch a presumably healthy person vanish before your eyes.
I don’t really think I’m equipped to deal with it, considering. Â Just like I’m not equipped to deal with life in general.
Why sit around and watch the horrible parts of life happen? Â Especially when that’s […]
When I look at others, I think to myself.. Wow they must have an amazing life and family, when really they don’t. They may act happy, they may act like they have everything they could ever want. Most people have given me the impression that they get what they want, and ask me why I act like I have nothing. I use to think they had more than me, when in reality, I have more than them. Their parents don’t care. They try but never receive the affection they deserve. Parents with a lot of money don’t pay attention to their family, they focus more […]
greetings,
well where do i start?
Im 17 and in my last year of school. i didnt know i would ever make it to year 12 but i have and this could possible be the worst year of my life. i feel tired all the time, i’ve began to cry over simple things like it being too hot while walking home. at night i think about how i could kill myself so i dont wake up thinking about how much im going to fail this year. everyone tells you year 12 is the most important year and at the moment i dont believe in myself […]
I’m not going to kill myself yet, or maybe ever, Â if I discover something to live for. Which is unlikely.
I’m thinking I’ll wait until my parents die. I’m seventeen now, so that’ll be a while. I don’t know what to do with my life. I want the emptiness to go away. I’ve given up on myself a long time ago – I don’t have a co-dependent personality disorder, but I can only force myself to exist if it’s because other people need me. So if I never find anyone else, as soon as both of my parents are gone I’ll go to a place where […]
I’m new to this, so how do I begin? How does one simply begin to tell their story? Perhaps I’ll wait. Share little by little. My story is too long anyway… And it’s probably really boring.
I guess I should introduce myself, huh?
I’m Ciara, I’m Irish and I’m 15. What more can I say? Should I go into detail here?
I guess I could tell you a little about myself and about why I’m here.
I’m a writer. Obviously not a professional one. I mean… I am only 15… And I’m pretty terrible at writing. But I enjoy it. That’s all that matters, I guess. When I […]
I could lie and say that everything gets better and life is amazing but that wouldn’t help. 3 Days ago I made a decision to take my own life, I bought a bunch of painkillers and vodka and thought I wanted to die… it didn’t work and I spent 2 days in the hospitals poison ward attached to a drip with a needle sticking outta my hand, I had to listen to my families reaction over a phone call and it killed me having to hear what I did to them, I will never forget the sounds of my mum crying, not knowing what happened. […]
2/22/14
Id like to be able to think ill wake up tomorrow and be happy and forget that i feel the way i do and have for the past years of my life. I know that wont happen. I often look at myself in disgust and think about how much I’ve fucked up. I waste to much time doing this when i should be doing this. My future seems like a hell hole. I don’t see me Completing any of my dreams because i just cant come to think i’m good at fucking anything and it makes me want to just fucking give up. I have […]
our life is together
our life has been forever
our time is never
never ending
places to go, things to do
words to speak
songs to sing
tears to cry
i tried so hard to make you proud of me
all i want is your love
im so alone
and so sad without you
am i dying?
i need you
i need my family
i just want to be happy
You don’t have to read the rest of this, I just couldn’t help myself once I started. The questions in the title!
Right now I want to die. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. But then that stupid feeling of how it will affect my family keeps creeping in. Any ideas on how to get over it.
I keep fantasizing about death. It makes me smile now. And I feel like I should kill myself now before the other girl comes back. The girl who is smarter, possibly. The girl who will always be too chicken to go through with it. But right now I need […]
I just want to move on to the next life.
The thought of suicide has crossed my mind for years and have often thought how my families life would be affected by my own death? How would they cope, survive ? I know that life is a blink or heart beat away and we should not take life for granted however when your up against a brick wall why live!!! In the past month I have watched more gore movies , binged death, suicide , cemetery, coffins, life after death and so on. Yes I know I’m depressed and on medication but when you have 4 ways going at you at all angles from […]
Everybody’s got something
They had to leave behindÂ
One regret from yesterdayÂ
That just seems to grow with time…
Â
There’s no use in looking back or wonderingÂ
How it could be now or might have beenÂ
All this I know but still I can’t find ways
To let you know
Â
Somewhere in my memoryÂ
I’ve lost all sense of timeÂ
And tomorrow can never beÂ
Because yesterday is all that fills my mind
Â
There’s no use looking back […]
I don’t feel like I’m in a good place right now. I don’t really remember ever feeling any particularly strong feelings towards anything, even when I have achieved something I wanted. Anything I would have considered a victory feels hollow.
I feel like I want to become close to somebody, I can picture myself talking to someone where we both know everything about each other and yet we pass no judgements. This could be because we know that we are in what is effectively a M.A.D situation and any sort of point scoring we could hope to achieve about each other could be instantly negated; and […]
Laying here alone in bed
Staring the cuts on my legs
Wondering is it even worth it
Is it even worth living this life knowing everything is against you
Yes it’s worth it, you hear from everyone
But that one little voice in your head tells you its not
That little voice powers over everyone’s voice
Soon enough this life you live becomes dark lifeless emotionless
Listen to the noises around you
Listen as they fade away
Soon this life you live becomes over
Dead.
To all girls on SP. What would you do if you broke up with a guy you met right here and was together with for almost a year?
Would you block him and ignore him?
Would you try to forget about him?
Would you erase him from your life?
From my personal experience, the answer is yes. I still want to die even though I know it’s not the answer..
I think I work pretty hard to improve my life and then seemingly from a place I can only understand as the most subtle subconscious, I feel awful. This morning I asked God to take away the suicidal thoughts and I was granted a reprieve. I’m terrified of the prospect of trying to create some sort of life out of this I feel like there is a stake of fear driven through my heart.