Tag:

light

Waiting

by bipolary 10/7/2014

written by bipolary

On my wrists and at my feet,

My containment, now complete.

To hell they say, will be my way –

Leaving dreams to fade away.

Hollow now, I sit and stare –

Recalling deeds that got me there.

I hope my friend will come to call,

Dressed for death and standing tall.

Ready now, I close my eyes –

My heart is slow and tranquilized.

Surrender now – the only way

I wait for him to call by day.

Late last night he left my bed,

And took the halo from my head.

An empty shell was left behind,

A pretty face without a mind.

I sit within my gilded cage,

The need has left to turn the page.

Crying out brings no […]

10/7/2014 6 comments

I’ve posted a few times, explaining how I tried getting through this and how I’m coping. I’m trying to be positive and focus on the small, good things in order to get by. But sometimes I have to ask myself, why? Why am I doing this? My life has been shit. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s been an uphill struggle since day one. I keep pushing on, keeping trying to find that light… But why? What is the reason for it? In the hopes that something will finally click and things will be better/good? That maybe one day I’ll be like everyone […]

10/4/2014 3 comments

College isn’t how I pictured it

by Isabella 10/3/2014

written by Isabella

Here I am, sitting here in my dorm with the light out. The sun is going down, soon there will only be darkness in my room. There is a concert going on and if I go, I will have a panic attack.

I don’t have a roommate because we didn’t get along. Who am I able to get along with? I really want to know. Every social situation has my stomach in knots. My palms saturated in sweat. My stomach a mess.

I have never felt truly suicidal until I came to college. I’ve dealt with depression since I was about 12 or 13, but turning 18 […]

10/3/2014 4 comments

grey

by namelessghost 9/15/2014

written by namelessghost

I hesitate to post. In a way, looking forward to responses here is another tie to cut when all I want is to be free of such anchors.

I don’t yet have the materials for the death I want and I so desperately want to have that one last moment for myself when the day comes… But I fear I’ve run out of time. I can’t shake the dread of living, the longing for dying, and the dissatisfaction of my entire existence. I don’t know how I will make it through the week. I don’t want to make it through the week.

An empty life finds itself […]

9/15/2014 2 comments

Knives stabbing at my soul

by cagedtiger 9/13/2014

written by cagedtiger

This depression is SO painful. My mind hurts. My chest hurts. I can barely stop crying. I really need to leave this earth so badly. There are little glimmers of hope, like tiny shimmers of light, but they’re gone just as quickly as they appear. Other than that, I worry for my daughter, how selfish of me it would be to bring her into this rotten world and then abandon her here without even me. I worry for my family, they would most likely never get over the grief of losing me, even tho I’m nothing. A burden. Useless. A failure. Still, that’s the way […]

9/13/2014 15 comments

Journal Entry #7 (comments appreciated)

by marine105 9/7/2014

written by marine105

Just then, a sound.

The sound of shattering glass swished through the open door frame, berating my eardrums and bringing me out of my trance. I turned my gaze upward as I shifted my orientation, just in time to hear another shattering sound as bits of the bathroom mirror fell from its frame and into the sink.

Before I could even think, I was on my feet and running towards the door. Because I knew pain, and I knew what he’d do to himself.

I shouted his name; no answer.

I shouted it again, my fists frantically pounding against the door. The shattering stopped, and I heard a light […]

9/7/2014 3 comments

Without you

by splitting 9/5/2014

written by splitting

You cleansed my soul….
on my darkest nights
you showed me light….
you became my reason to fight
now your gone….
off living life on your own
without me….
without me….
without me….
without you there is no
me.
Sitting in the dark without you
I cannot see…

9/5/2014 1 comment

all the lies

by _thatonegirl 8/31/2014

written by _thatonegirl

She plays with razors

She traces he scars

She counts her flaws like she counts stars

You think you know her but you dont

Everyday her thoughts get darker

Her heart sinks a little more

She doesnt see the light anymore

“Open up to me, I won’t judge you.”

“Trust me, I won’t hurt you.”

“I’ll never leave you.”

“I love you.”

All the lies they told me.

8/31/2014 2 comments

8 September 1993 – 19 July 2012 – R.I.P J.M.

by Scarlett Dawn 8/27/2014

written by Scarlett Dawn

R.I.P J.M

YOU’RE GONE

They dug him a grave six feet deep within the pallid earthly dirt amidst God’s acre

He is gone – a Priest announced sympathetically. Too young for his life to be over

After the cerise and snowy-white roses were gracefully cast upon his brown coaxed coffin; they covered his ashen body’s casket under a coat of soil, and a tile of risen concrete protection

The patch around his gravestone gradually becoming stonewashed
As the years of that significant date’s memorial’s winter sun shone down upon it evermore

I now realise the existence of the demons he’d been facing
My hands clenched in fists as I realised that […]

8/27/2014 3 comments

Finding God – a prayer

by girlwiththetrinketbox 8/18/2014

written by girlwiththetrinketbox

“Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” – Exodus 3:5b

My life is one that has been ravaged. I portioned out the substance that I once had to the rats and cockroaches in the deepest gutters of my soul. I am left, a shell, an empty vessel, waiting — wanting — to be filled. I have called myself a Christian, and I have — shamefully — become no more than a stumbling block. I have sold myself to drugs, to alcohol, to sex, and to hate. I want nothing more than to slough off the impurities of my sin. I want […]

8/18/2014 3 comments

Affect/Effect; Robin Williams

by AarinaDaae 8/13/2014

written by AarinaDaae

I’m sure that most of the world has heard that Robin Williams has passed away by asphyxiation. He died by suicide. Most of us on here are no stranger to depression and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. I’d be willing to guess that everyone here would be understanding but a curious thing happened with Robin’s passing. There has been so much attention on his passing and this “new” mysterious illness that magically gained relevance. Of course, it’s not new and it’s been real for so very long.

I have no right to go on and on about how much I will miss Mr. Williams and how he will forever […]

8/13/2014 4 comments

marianne williamson’s HORSESHIT

by yagharek 8/12/2014

written by yagharek

I’m so tired of this quote streaking across the internet like the shitstains of hippies … fuck the fuck offfffffff:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children […]

8/12/2014 5 comments

The Incline

by Deezy57 8/8/2014

written by Deezy57

I fear I may lose sight
Of the light at the end of the tunnel
Each and every day, it gets less bright.
Enveloped in darkness I stay,
The happy memories fading away,
As everything turns to gray.
Most nights, I’m alone and distraught.
Thoughts of ending it all,
I slip farther into the deep.
This incline is proving to be too steep.

8/8/2014 3 comments

I Am This Way

by TheStranger17 8/6/2014

written by TheStranger17

I’ve decided that night time often is the worst time of day for me. How cliché – the worst comes with the darkness. I don’t like the dark. I’m sat in it now, with the dim light of my laptop illuminating my typing fingers and not much else. I try to familiarise myself with it, to know that I’m safe in my room when it’s dark just as much as when there is light.

I don’t know why this fear came back. Honestly, I do not understand, I got over my fear of the dark when I was a kid… but this past year or so, […]

8/6/2014 2 comments

by suicidal.bunny 7/28/2014

written by suicidal.bunny

Her heart is hurting

Her body is aching.

The scars aren’t fading

The memories aren’t leaving.

She runs in pain

She fights and hides.

That girl is falling

That girl is fading.

Her wirsts are bleeding

Her mind is closing.

The bleeding is ending

The blade goes cold.

She sees the light

She runs towards it.

That girl is leaving

That girl is gone. –

g.r.

———-

Written by me…

7/28/2014 0 comment

“Away From The Sun”

by bigjamdaddy 7/25/2014

written by bigjamdaddy

“Away From The Sun”
by 3 Doors Down

It’s down to this
I’ve got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I’ve done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

‘Cause now again I’ve found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I’m so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I’m over this
I’m tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling’s gone
There’s nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I […]

7/25/2014 1 comment

creativ doodel

by why i dont no 7/21/2014

written by why i dont no

cold dark sleepless night take me away by the candel light of the lantern on the bow of the boat of deth as i dance my hands on the key bord the words of hope and loss on the screen take me trough me i know how bad i am take me fight me love me kiss me i whant to be toched dont let me go i may fall dont hold me to closce i may hurt you teas role down my cheeks as i think of her tern to black then red blow up in my face all best layed plans stop

take a toke carry on

i […]

7/21/2014 2 comments

by rebelution 7/1/2014

written by rebelution

Well my name is Christopher, I’ve been dealing with depression roughly around 10 years and im a 25 year old. Let me say my journey has not been glamorous. I constantly have suicidal thoughts and have self inflict harm to myself. i do not only deal with depression. I deal with Anxiety, Depression, Agoraphobia, PTSD, and im impulsive. So I sometimes act without thinking clearly. I have my own psychiatric and therapist but im not sure if they help to much and I take prescription medicine aswell not much help either. Im not quite sure why I register to this project. I guess to find […]

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7/1/2014 1 comment

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What Happens

by Voided 7/1/2014

written by Voided

I can be happy, I can be content – but behind it all is an absence of any belief that anything is of any value, or worth, materially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. All empty.

Then the light fades, that’s enough, time to go.

Then comes anger, a real anger, self directed, and at the rest of humanity. The call to ‘be nice to people’ to make me feel better, to ‘do something’ to make me feel better. Acting on such advice is nothing more than me, me, me – so it’s all just self serving? So its in the self interest of those who preach to say those things? […]

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7/1/2014 0 comment

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If you read, I hope you find something… Just wanted to share. Namaste

by mementomori 6/30/2014

written by mementomori

I just came back from an interesting night. A random camping night at the beach. Tho after some events the night seemed to be turning into NOT what I expected BUT it became more pleasant and peaceful than what I could imagine.

First it was the company, tho it was people I know, is not the kind of people I got use to do things with this past few years. So didn’t know what to expect. Adding to that was my “fear” of thinking of her again, miss her right there in the middle of nowhere, wishing she was there. Wanting her by my […]

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6/30/2014 0 comment

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