I know genreally pill overdoses fail and such but mine is well backed up my extensive research so its not a option. I know there is the chance i will end up in hostipal in agnosing pain as my liver will be completly destroyed after 200 pills of these kind but thats a risk im willing to take. Hanging was my go to for a long time but I just cant bare for my parents to hear “your daughters hung herself” its just too brutal exleast this way they will get to be by my bedside in hostipal. It pains me to be typing this […]
Do me a favor. Right now, wherever you are, get up, look in a mirror, a window reflection, even a spoon would work! Just take a look at yourself. I don’t care if you’re about to drop from the rope, ready to fall asleep after you downed hundreds of whatever pill, or if you’re just sitting in bed silently killing yourself. Get up, look at yourself and smile. Ask yourself, do you remember them? Do you remember happy? Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes, I look at the stranger staring back at me and say “How do you know me?”
Tonight, I didn’t know the stranger. But the stranger […]
i kind of feel like nothing. you know?
as in. i feel empty, literally.
like i have no stomach, or liver, or kidneys, or lungs just nothing. i feel nothing. im just an outline of a figure holding a sad soul, that has already died.
the only thing i know exists is my brain, because the voices are haunting it.
my feelings are gone. i thought i felt numb before, and would occasionally notice a feeling, of somewhat happiness that would last mere seconds.
but now. it’s like i don’t even recognise emotion.
i ‘smile’.
it feels like any other movement.
it doesn’t hold any true feeling of happiness. nothing. […]
The truth I hold, took years to unfold, locked up and never told. Now I speak, for I am done being weak. A story I will tell, awakening the pits of my hell.
 Pinned against the wall, being six a little small. Tongue against my chest, you can imagine the rest. Touching, feeling, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. I push away, forced down, screaming, but i was never found.
 Day and night, always full of fright kissing, sucking, nonstop fucking. Crying, weeping and always pleading.
Was I that bad […]
hi everyone, for the past month ive been in hospital. you may of read the other posts but if you didnt then ill explain, when i tried to commit suicide my mum found me and i was only just concious, i told her to write on here and say sorry to all of you wonderful people. the things i did to try make this work was, poison, overdose and cutting my wrists and it would of worked if mym mother didnt come in my room. i left her and my family a letter explaining further details of this website and told her it was important. […]
for the first time in 18 months I saw the love of my life in action-via video. It was filmed just months before I met him. he was so happy, smiling and laughing. i recalled that smile, remembered that laugh. felt that feeling he gave me. we just lied in bed all day holding each other. but underneath we felt the same thing. we walked in on me once as I was vomiting up a large amount of pills. my liver will never be the same. I watched his eyes fade over the months as he sunk deeper into PF. I followed him down the […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
This one’s pretty long, sorry if I bore anyone. I should preface by saying that I’ve been depressed for four years. I was formally diagnosed with major depressive disorder January of this year, but I knew long before. I’ve never had a true friend, anything even close to a relationship (been led on a few dozen times), and I feel alone constantly. Recently my diagnosis was changed to suggest the cause of my pain is ADD. I’m not sure if the doctors are right, but amphetamines are helping a bit lately. This is the story of the last eight months or so, from the first […]
These past few days I’ve been talking to this young woman I will not say any names out of respect for her. But she’s had a really tough week, I texted her yesterday, I said “Hey, just checking in on you. I hope you haven’t ended your life. I hope your reading this.” I thought about her all day, she finally texted me back last night, she had taken the pills hours earlier. She said her liver was already shot, but I didn’t give up hope for her life to go on. I talked her into calling 911, I was so proud of her, and proud of myself for […]
Since I was young my parents wanted me on medicine along with therapy. Since I didn’t have a choice I took them. as prescribed until I came down with the worse side affects. Zoloft the robotic smiles, Prozac this motor tics, Amitriptiline the chest rock and zombie mind.
My father. I’ve prayed he should die since whatever this is has taken over him. He’s teasing is worse and he thinks it’s ok. My mom is super submissive so she tags along. I still don’t trust her. He tease about me not moving fast enough yesterday in 100 degree heat and 79% humidty as I made pigs […]
So I don’t want a wake or funeral. Â I want absolutely zero fuss made about my death. Â But I feel bad killing myself and taking all these healthy organs with me… so I think, I know, I will donate them. Â So I had this idea to do it in winter on a snowy day, so my body would stay fresh until I was found…. But it turns out that hospitals/universities/chop shops won’t take suicides… Also, Â if you donate your body to one of these chop shop organ/body donation companies, they dole the pieces out to the highest bidder, making at least $200,000 per body. Â The […]
I don’t like to say that things in my life are bad. Because bad is such an arbitrary word. Bad to one person can hold an entirley different meaning to another person… So what is bad really? Then, there’s so many components to the things that I DO truley believe are bad… which leads me to question if it’s really bad at all?
That being said, I don’t know if things are bad. The things I am about to expond upon are the events that I am trying to base my opinion off of… the events that foster my emotions. I’m not saying that I’ve had it bad or good. I’m […]
I wrote a post sometime last week. I am not sure of the date as it was mostly a blur.  The time came again. Last Tuesday at 5pm after countless minutes/hours/days/weeks etc etc of wondering if suicide was what I want, I tried to commit suicide for the third time. I popped a hell of a lot of panadol, drank some vodka and cut my wrist (again). This time I was going to be successful, I was bleeding everywhere (I had hit a vein) and I was slowly passing out. It was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open. Then much to my disgust my mother […]