I just lost someone that was so fuckin special to me. I’m crying and I’m gonna find some way to make myself feel better. I think I may do alot of burning and cutting. JUst went out and bought tons of razors and I have a whole bag of weed in my room just calling my name because what else is there for me now. Maybe I’ll go for a little joy ride in a parking lot and end up in a tree. Wouldn’t that be nice? To end up dead after everything I’ve been through. All the abuse and hurt and pain. Just end […]
Tag:
Lost
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
I guess I didn’t notice I loved you until you held my hand. I didn’t know you loved me until my friend told me what you said. But you don’t know me. You know me….but you really don’t. You think I’m perfect because that’s how I display myself. I make sure I smile and laugh. I make sure not to show any emotion I would regret latter. You just think you love me. You don’t, truth me. Once you find out, you’ll change your mind…they all do.
But if you want to know the truth, fine:
Yes, I do have scars I hide.
No, I’m not the girl […]
You got to go there to come back! Problem is some kent the fuckin map away wi them. Now this kent is lost with no way back! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKÂ FUCKÂ FUCK!
and this shit hole of a fuckin chicken town doesn’t fuckin help, everyone walking past like they don’t know they are alive! Well i won’t be having that issue for long!!!
FUCK IT!
(pardon the french)
Someone I’ve loved since the moment I’ve ever talked to them is slipping away. The sad part is I’m letting him. I can’t do anything about him not loving me anymore. I’ve fought for him for 9 months, if not more. I’m done. I can’t keep waiting on him to realize if I’m what he wants or not. I haven’t talked to him since Thursday. He says he cares and would do anything for me but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if it was love or lust. Maybe neither Maybe all of it was just a big joke, but I just can’t take it anymore. The […]
I got kicked out of my moms house a year ago, and the day since my life hasn’t been the same. I’ve been out for a year now because I called her a ***** because she was being one. That’s it…kicked out for over a year for saying “stop being a ***** for 2 minutes”. I moved in with my grandma (worst fucking decision I could ever make). Day after day of being out in the country away from my friends and family, it hasn’t been the same. I lost all of my friends, and since she’s 5 miles away its a hassel going to […]
When you are lost, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.. or even a tunnel at all. There is only darkness with absolutely nothing around you. You wander, but cannot see and eventually just stop and stay where you are. There are no paths, there is no hope. When you are lost, hope is a lie made of mere words.
And to be truly lost means to quit trying to be found. You are lost in nothingness and that is all there ever will be. A hole forms, where you burrow into it in the darkness. At least that way, you have walls […]
I don’t recall what I wanted to say exactly here. I’ve wanted to disappear for a large majority of my life. It’s just something I’ve always dealt with. I always find ways to cope. That’s why I’m still here. I’m a survivor. I even survive myself. I’m in college now. I’m half way across the country from my family. I changed myself because no one here knew me. I thought if I could be the sort of person that everyone loved, it would fix this problem inside me. But it didn’t. Because it’s hard for someone to love you when they don’t know you. And […]
I have spent way too much time thinking about dying.
Truth is I have tried more than once to succeed at it.
I can see I am more successful at a lot of other things.
I spent a lot of time tonight reading the posts by the Guardian.
I used to be that way before I got lost in life trying to find Love.
I watched a film called Shaolin and in that time and tonight I see…
We can choose to leave this life but that choice only takes us on to
the next place where we once more face what we tried to evade.
Guardian is this the circle path…
may. thats when i die. thats it. it works out for everyone. i dont ruin my boyfriend’s birthday in december. i have my birthday in january. i go on vacation with my family in february so they dont waste the money they’ve spent on it. i dont ruin my best friend’s birthday in april. i see the 14th anniversary of columbine. i dont have to make my confirmation, which my family begs me to do even though i dont believe in it. my boyfriend and i will most likely break up by then. i dont finish this school year, and never move up to my […]
Hi, my name is Naana, 18 years old
Caution, I may go in different directions at times, most likely due to the fact that I have no idea how to put into format my thoughts correctly. This is my first time ever telling anyone properly, also my first time on here.
I’m stuck between two, whether to live or to choose my death. It all scares me and I question why me? I won’t say I’m not doing this for attention, because deep down I want to know at least someone knew I existed and cared; Knowingly I know I existed for my family, but I can’t […]
When darkness fell
on this land
light was jailed
and laughter band
I try to stand
but find no ground
in anger I yell
but hear no sound
The earth does weep
and the sky does cry
in this land
where truth is lie
no way to end
what had begun
in the land
where life in done
here in this land
where shadows dwell
all hope has fled
since darkness fell
The reason my sleeping fucked up in the first place is because I’d spend countless nights awake, convincing my friend not to cut her arms, or take too many pills. I never wanted to wake my mum, brother and sister, so I’d hang out of my window to keep it quiet, this didn’t help the fact that the conversations with her were extremely triggering, and I’m already suicidal, and sitting in an open window. bad idea, right?
I skyped with strangers, making sure they were okay, friends from my area would tell me whats wrong, and I’d rush to their house to make sure they were okay. […]
I hope everything is alright with you (whoever is reading this), or at least I hope things will improve for you at some point in time, hopefully soon.
I’ll try and keep this relatively short so I don’t take up too much of your time if you choose to read this. Also, I’ll understand if I don’t get any comments on this because I know the stuff posted on this website is usually hard to respond to. That and I usually just write random crap that doesn’t really make sense to anyone. This probably won’t flow very well, and for that I apologise. I find it […]
Alright. Never thought I’d post anything here, but after reading a lot of your stories, I feel like sharing mine. Please bear with me.
Where to start? I’m 27, have the best parents in the world, a great brother and a bunch of friends that I could hang out with. I graduated last June, but haven’t looked for a job, I’ve done nothing with my life really. I’ve just been depressed, scared of the outside. The thing is, I always saw it coming all along.
Basically I’m “afraid” of people and what they think of me. The fact that I studied journalism doesn’t make it any easier, […]
I’m falling to pieces. I’m breaking. Finding out you have cancer…worst news..
You don’t know what to do..your lost..you feel alone..
You feel sick…you feel empty…
I’m breaking down..
Breakdown..after breakdown..
I’m two faced, one good one bad. I hate it. I was suicidal, a smoker and an alcoholic for some time. Im only 13. I was in a hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts & attempts. I still hate myself, but I realize that if I commit suicide, I won’t ever rest. There, I met amazing people with problems. They made me stop hating myself by a little, and spending time around them helped give me a new insight to life.
My mom & I have never been on good terms, & when we finally were, I thought that now i could kill myself […]
hello, well i recently lost my sick daughter. i knew she was going to die eventually but i didn’t want it to be through suicide. i feel so upset and ashamed that i wasn’t there for her. I’m the worst mother in the world and i did not deserve to have such a beautiful and kind kid. i got a letter and some of it was,
dear mum I’m sorry i have been such a disappointment i didn’t mean to. why did you never understand? but none of this is your fault and i will always love you.
she said more but its too heartbreaking. i miss […]
The love of my life lives in Kansas….I live in North Carolina. We have been off and on for almost a year now. We got back together about 2 months ago then he broke up with me. I fell back into cutting and pills. He swore he didn’t like anyone else, it was just the distance. He asked out my best friend 2 days after he told me that. I want to fucking hate him so much….but I can’t. He doesn’t know I know. I promised him I wouldn’t cut or get high…..yet my arm is filled with new scars and my pill bottles are […]