I have a really good life at school, but my home life isn’t so good. Ever since I started high school my mom has set stricter rules. I’m really getting sick of it. A couple weeks ago she got so mad at me for saying “okay” to her when she told me to dust. in fact, she got so pissed off she grabbed my arms, then my neck, and then my head and squeezed as hard as she could. I guess you could say she abuses me verbally with “You’re going to kill me.” and “You are the worst child.” She has never apologized to […]
Tag:
Love
where to start?
i’ve wanted to die for as long as i can remember. since at least the age of 10. there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by when i’ve been free of that desire. not one day when, if someone offered to help me end it, i would have refused them.
i’m 40 now. massive depression, anxiety, that kind of stuff. haven’t been able to work in over 10 years, had to move back home. haven’t been able to leave the house on my own in a few years either, and even with support it’s getting harder to go outside.
one sample story…
i’ve had one big […]
They say it gets better, and that it won’t last forever. But  I wonder when it will start for me?
It started 3 years ago. I had heard my parents fighting, and then my dad put a gun to his head and he said no one would care if he pulled the trigger. But his 12 year old daughter was watching from the doorway, and to her it mattered very much. I never told him I saw that, so he can’t understand how much that messed me up. That year was already bad. I was bullied for my weight and I’ve never really gotten over that. […]
Today marks one year since my dad passed..
its crazy even thinking about it bcuz it feels like it was just yesterday. I will never forget seeing him in his casket at his funeral. That had to be the hardest thing to ever witness or even deal with, but I did it & i’m so proud of myself.
i’ve gotten through so much shit this year ! i’ve accomplished so much, yet made so many mistakes. i’ve messed up so bad at times, but I tried to make him proud the best way I could.
Daddy, i’m so sorry for everything i’ve done, all the mistakes […]
Hold On – Lyrics written by Christian G. Lovecraft ©2011 Sadists Ate Me Songwritingâ„¢ All Rights Reserved
by Draven666
written by Draven666
I wrote this song a year ago in hopes of saving some lives. I wrote it in loving memory of a friend who committed suicide for being gay. This is for you, Asher Brown.
Every story I have read left me in disarray
I wonder what I could say to you to make it all go away
I know your days are getting darker and colder
But someday, I’ll regret never being able to help you as I grow older
I’m trying to get you on the telephone
Just so you know you’re not alone
Chorus:
Hold on even when you feel like falling away
Give […]
Dear who I lost,
I miss those talks we had, about the future. How one day you were going to get down on one knee and make me yours forever. How you’d come home and find me running round in the kitchen trying to impress you with some fancy cooking. How when I called you to the table, your feet wouldn’t be the only ones tapping towards me, but other, but smaller ones. I believed that one day it would happen, and I looked forward to them, I looked forward to spending my life with you.
You were perfect, I’m not just saying that to you, if […]
Well, this is my first post on here, so might as well tell you why I’m here.
I had the perfect life, weren’t many people in it but those I had were the best. I depended mostly on my best friend and boyfriend. I was doing great with studying. I didn’t speak to my parents much but when I did they were friendly and supportive.
I had been with my boyfriend for 9 months, but it felt like forever, which isn’t a bad thing. We rarely argued and when we did we were quick to forgive each other. We often talked about the future and I convinced […]
I still love her.. Its been several months yet I can’t stop thinking about her, I still talk to her everyday but I just smile and tell her I’m happy for her because I just want her to be happy.. But inside I wanna die.. I still cut myself regularly, think about suicide everyday, and its killing me, I can’t talk to anybody, I’m alone, I have so much self hatred for letting things happen the way they did, for letting her go, she was the only one who got me,, and I let her go,,, when we see each other she pretend not to […]
Mike is her passion. You’re just an orgasm for her when she can’t be with him. You can’t ever be anything more than that for her. You hurt her too deeply when you left her alone. Just give up. You can never make her happy. You can never satisfy her. You know, deep down inside, that you’ve lost a part of her that you fell in love with, and now, it’s easier for her to have passion with anyone but you. Now just drag the blade down your wrist and be done with the pain. You suffered as well. You were alone, too. But all […]
I have lately been crying often due to the problems involving my family. It all started of when i hadn’t been talking to my dad for atleast 5 months.
Cause you see my parents are divorced and now i live with my mum and step-dad and siblings. Anyway, I didnt end up going on holiday with my dad. Kinda sad. Once the summer holidays i had sent him a message saying that im sorry but my phone didnt work so i had no contact with him and i told him that i now am back at home.
He hadn’t called or texted me .. i was getting […]
I love you, and i would die for you because… please tick
a) You’re the most kindest person ever
b) You’re so inspiring
c) Your beauty is incomparable to anything or anyone
d) Your presence gives me pins and needles in my neck
e) My heart speeds up when i see you
f) My mouth loses the ability to swallow or produce interesting sentences when I’m around you, yet you still put up with me
g) You always seem like you’re looking up at people and you show respect to people even though you’re far more superior than anyone in the whole world
h) Your wacky and weird in a wonderful way
k) […]
Raining on Webs
I’m vulnerable, out without a jacket,
And it’s about to pour.
My heater, protection from the storm,
Won’t even look my way.
This web of hurt our love’s become
Is straining in the winds.
I don’t know what’s coming beyond the cloud layer.
Signed up unknowingly,
I report in early tomorrow
To throw myself off the edge
And fall along with the rain
Until I shatter and splash
Like a drop.
A celebration of eleven
Is all that keeps my sane,
Jacketed arms that I can cling to
When the downpour comes;
And another fragile heart,
I’ll protect when the burning sun returns.
My Perfect Poison
We cried and screamed together
But not a word was spoken.
Dancing in one ear and out the other,
Our conversation disappears from your mind.
But instead of floating away like nothing,
These words surround me,
Slicing and suffocating
Until all I know is the sound of my own despair.
It’s everywhere.
This memory of what we were
And could still be
Is haunting in its sadness
And its beauty.
First above the rest, but somehow always last.
And yet the heart in me
Clings to its own demise,
Those poisoned lips baiting me for another kiss.
And I accept,
Hurt and beaten by your love
And left too crippled to ever let you go.
Have I told you my favorite word is Halcyon? I hope tomorrow is a Halcyon day.
by jjgirl13
written by jjgirl13
I’ve set my date. It’s tomorrow.
I’ve set it so many times before. I keep putting it off. Dragging my feet. But life isn’t looking like sparkles anytime soon. Well, not life in general. Just me. Life could be sparkles. I don’t think I can see it again though. I’ve lost the art of experiencing joy. There’s no point not living; existing and living are two different things, and I can’t bear the former. Can’t walk the edge of the knife forever. Have to choose a side at some point.
When I look out the window, it’s fall. Fall is my favorite season. The air is crisp, and I […]
tonight feels like the night. everything is at its worst. I must go to school tomorrow, face sitting alone and all the people who have turned on me during this short holiday. I don’t want to go back… i dont want to be here anymore, im doing no good being here, im worthless.. tonight may be the night… i attempt.
i love you all.
I really don’t know how to start this,
I fell in love with a girl i couldn’t call my own. We had all these plans like getting married and all this. She was the one i want and she still is. She quit talking to me for about a minth. And i fell apart. I started cutting after not doing it for a year. She didn’t leave my mind. She was always there, we talked 24/7. And the thoughts lingered in my head and they never leave. She left without saying goodbye. I wrote her and she replied a week later. Saying […]
A dreamer  is the the worst, a waste, a parasite. I will romanticise my life no more. I have alienated myself. I cant relate. I rejected the only one who has ever loved me several years ago, she is now married and has forgotten me. I have found out that love happens once. I will die alone. I have failed at everything. People disappoint me. I disappoint myself. I wish the tide would take me. I am only happy when I am asleep. If anyone knew how I felt, they would treat me the same, with more indifference . Their lies are better than mine, more grounded. […]
I confuse myself constantly.
Other people confuse me constantly.
The world must therefore be nothing but constant confusion, with only infrequent periods where people manage to convince themselves that they are able to grasp exactly what the hell is actually going on. Some can do it for longer than others. I seem to lack any capacity for that, myself.
So I’ve decided to give up bothering with trying to understand myself, other people, or any other bizarrely convoluted topic such as that, and instead I’ll just stick to simple topics like quantum physics or botany.
I love human beings, but I also hate them, myself included. Fucking vortexes of […]
Ever since we met (my wife) and decided to stay together, we always have arguments everyday and it seldom happened a day with it. Until we decided to get married, we’re 4 years now and have one 3-year old son. But the state still goes on and sometimes we’re temporarily separated, sometimes I opt to suicide and sometime I leave them for few day to ease the pain.
I love her so much and I don’t want to leave her or get legally separated (in our country there’s no divorce). My problem now is how to handle her everyday since we have a lot of differences […]
I have only ever wanted one thing. It’s the only thing that I will never have.
In grade school, I was maybe seven years old, my teacher asked us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew myself with a bunch of babies and kids running around and wrote “stay at home mom.” Now, I’d say my goals have changed considerably, I’d rather work than stay home, but I still have dreams about little green-eyed babies.
My freshman year of college I found out that I’ll never get those babies. I also found out that I will never be in love, I’ll […]