Love. Why I want to end it.

Well, this is my first post on here, so might as well tell you why I’m here.

I had the perfect life, weren’t many people in it but those I had were the best. I depended mostly on my best friend and boyfriend. I was doing great with studying. I didn’t speak to my parents much but when I did they were friendly and supportive.

I had been with my boyfriend for 9 months, but it felt like forever, which isn’t a bad thing. We rarely argued and when we did we were quick to forgive each other. We often talked about the future and I convinced myself it was all going to happen, marriage, kids, the lot. Then one day he said something which concerned me, he told me he wished to stop talking about marriage and children incase it didn’t happen so we wouldn’t be hurt if we broke up. This made me think because I would be hurt if we broke up already, if we stopped talking about the future or not and if he thought like that, he obviously didn’t feel the same way about me as I did him.

I brought it up with him and he told me the reason he suggested this was due to his lesbian friend who had recently lost her girlfriend in a car crash and she was now suicidal. I would have believe it but some details he informed me didn’t make sense, like this friend lived abroad and only contacted him through Facebook and was currently in a mental asylum, how many mental asylums do you know which let the patients use Facebook?

When I pointed out the faults in his story he just gave in and told me he didn’t love me anymore, he was leaving, and that was that. He just went. Within two days he was claiming to have found someone new and I barely knew what had hit me.

I found out I was pregnant with his baby about a month later, I quickly had it aborted but told my ex I had a miscarriage due to his antiabortion beliefs.

As much as I tried to get over him I found myself spiralling into depression, this effected my studying, which turned my parents against me, they knew my situation but said my slow in learning was due to laziness, which it truly wasn’t. I began to cut and I turned to my last source, my best friend, for help. Unfortunately she told me if I continued like this and didn’t pull myself together she would have no-one, hinting she would leave if I kept on the way I was. I tried desperately to collect the pieces before I lost the little I had left, but I didn’t succeed. She slowly started to cut off ties with me and I found myself alone.

I still love the man who started this entire thing, but whenever I see him he looks so happy and I feel selfish to plague him with the things I can’t let go of. On the few occasions I have tried to talk to him he turns it all on me. I was by no means perfect during our relationship but I wasn’t a girlfriend from hell either.

Now I find myself along with nothing but a computer screen to turn to. So here I am.