I cant breath I cry and I am facing a pillow I ralize I cant breath and I am holding my breath half of my mind is telling me its okay and my body is screaming WHAT ARE U DOING START BREATHINGSTOP BEING STUPID AND IS CUSSING I looked info on suicide and how people act I noticed I am like that ii cry and say how did I get here and I realize my mom is a drunk and druggie she dint even care enough when I was in her stomach to not do drugs not me or my lil sist. but my […]
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Mama
I’m surprised that people responded to my post about wanting to die probably because I’m used to being ignored when I need help the most. That’s right – ignored. It’s called growing up with a depressed, emotionally distant mother who was too preoccupied with her own problems to give her baby girl the nurturing and love she needed. Sneer if you want. Whatever. I don’t give a fuck. I’ve spent years in therapy, group therapy, on medications, making crazy, fucked up choices that intellectually I could not defend or understand yet I acted on anyway. I finally, finally put it all together: not enough of […]
first i want born. Then i started to grow. My parents spilt up before i was born. But my mother got remarried so i had always thought this man was my father until i was about 8 yrs old. Then i finally got to meet my real father. Little did i know my mother had gotten into some pretty hardcore drugs with the man i used to call my father. Finally they got dovorced that’s her 2nd divorce btw and she went completely crazy and shaved her head. me and my 2 sisters stayed with my grandmother while my mother went crazy i can still […]
Drove my grandma and I to my grandpa’s grave today.
It’s been 8 years..
I lost the closet person I had..
I was the first grand child he help.
He called me his little girl.
We went camping together.
Called me his ole’ hoot owl(:
And his pookey(:
He was my world.
Looking into his eyes, I know I’d always be safe<3
But God took him away from me…Just when I was 9..
He had stage four, skin cancer.
I remember the purple spots all over his body..
And me […]
my mama used to tell me: if you can’t find something to live for, you best find something to die for (2Pac)
if you can’t find reasons, a cause to live nor to die for : you simply are in deep shit .. good luck to whoever is in this situation, life becomes quite a burden
I’m pretty much as broken and useless as it’s possible to be. I can’t do anything right – not exaggerating, it’s the truth. I’m barely human and don’t really do the things that normal humans do or feel the way normal humans feel. When I’m hurt or frustrated I get angry – but real people don’t feel anger, don’t express those things. Real people are happy most of the time, not unhappy or angry most of the time. I’m just wrong. Broken. Unfit for human consumption. God I wish my mother had aborted me. What is the point of me? There is none. The worst […]
In 7th grade I had the bestest friend you could ask for, but then, she became a band geek and she just drifted away. Then in 8th grade i made a pretty damn good best friend. But then high school came and my bestfriend went to some other school, and everyone just changed. I started to look at everyone diffrently, and all I saw were inconsiderate assholes. Then I noticed the shit my mom was going through: woke up at 5am, worked ’til 10pm every day, no days off. I feel so useless because I can’t do anything to help her. And she works her ass […]