I would find it hard for anyone to answer that question with a definitive no. Some thing as small as a good:book, movie, meal, or drug, is enough to make you happy, even if only temporarily. I feel happy when I’m around people who laugh at my jokes, and when I’m able to help those closest to me. I’m also happy when I’m: high, drunk, fucking, and cutting, but that is more a happiness centered on the basest of pleasures. Lastly I would say I’m most happy when jamming on the piano or singing. I realize I have a lot more in my life than […]
Tag:
maybe
Not hurting my mum is starting to not be enough to keep me living.
I’m scared. Maybe being scared is a good thing, but suicide has stopped being an idea to become a real possibility.
Two weeks and I’ll be 25. Or not.
I’ve been bipolar since forever, but the last six months have been getting progressively worse regarding suicidal thoughts. It is literally all I think about. My problem is my kids – they are 9 and 12, and I can’t put them through the trauma I would cause. They are the only thing that makes me happy, but at the same time, I resent them because they are the only thing keeping me here. My therapist thinks I’m actually thankful for them, but I know better 😉
I wrote a poem about my kids and my situation. I’m no poet, but maybe it will resonate with someone:
Cursed […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luM6oeCM7Yw – Mogwai – Take Me Somewhere Nice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWQywgdW8oI – Kate Havnevik – Grace
I just wanted to share this, I can’t be the only who gets into a state of peace and serenity when listening to music.
These are two of my favorites, it may help or not, but I just want to share it.
maybe it’l help you cry
maybe it will help you in some other way.
Just stay quite,
just listen.
(NOTE: THIS IS JUST A RANT. DON’T TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY IF YOU DO)
Maybe society really is fucked up.
I mean now it has doctors and therapist telling parents that if their child wants to hurt
themselves to let them. Just to be on stand by just in case. They’re telling parents that it’s their child’s life and they can do anything they want to their bodies. That there’s no way to stop them. Parents can’t force their kids to get help or to let them in.
Maybe society really is fucked up.
It now has girls and boys on social media who […]
Just wanted to let anyone interested that I have decided to postpone my planned suicide attempt (I call them PSA) until another time, for now.
Nothing has changed, just decided it wasn’t the right time. I wish I had some good news to share, but I don’t.
I’m sure the next time will be soon enough. Until then I will be reading and commenting, hoping to maybe help someone out there that needs it.
Maybe I should just stop trying. Maybe I should just stop living.
I’m tired, and I’m not important to anyone. Maybe it’s time to go.
Tonight is the night I want to do it. However I am unprepared I have no note to leave for family or any remaining friends. Maybe of I devote the entirety of tomorrow to writing it I will be able to end it tomorrow night.
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
Sorry, guys, this “little story” might be a bit long for you, but maybe you’ll find something interesting.
When my parents separated, I had to move to another school, another house, another city. The changes were drastic. From the gorgeous three-floor plus balcony house we had to the new studio-type apartment barely the size of my old bedroom. From the Dad I knew and (maybe) loved, to this absolute stranger my Mom claimed to love. My problem was at home and I found ways to run away from it.
I made a ton of friends in my new school. I came home late most days, other days, […]
I often question the reality in which i live, sometimes i think it is an elaborate ploy. An illusion manifested by my subconscious to shield me from an ever harsher reality i maybe it. I fear that i am still locked in my mothers basement,that i was never let out. I think i maybe lying in the fetal position in the corner of the dark basement with the stone wall pressed into my back. Maybe i never did get out. I image the longer i was down there and the more i realized i may never know a life outside of that darkness the more […]
I think about it everyday. I’m not really sure if I’m depressed or just sad all the time. I never do anything right. I’m the type of person where if my teacher gave the whole class a pop quiz everyone else would score a 100% and I would be that odd ball to score a 90% or even a 80%. I know what your probably thinking. An 80% isn’t even that bad. But you get my point. I fail at everything. I even think my own father hates me. I could be all happy with my friends at school but the minute I get home […]
i wish i could just leave. It would make so many people happy. Maybe one person will be sad. But no one else cares… If i die, will you cry? probably not. 2 days ago, my relationship ended because he found out i self harmed and left… He said he was going to tell his friends that we broke up and i told him not to tell. He said “They wont care, i don’t care. I just feel bad for you” and this was over text. Maybe one day, someone can help me…
So today I was inviting people to something on facebook, and I just saw her face among my friends.
That sweet girl who used to be my friend on highschool and killed herself some years ago.
It’s kind of weird having her on facebook. It makes me feel… I don’t know how. Specially seeing her childish face when everyone else has become an adult.
It’s like if a piece of world had stopped moving. And there she is, being 19 years old forever.
I remember that I saw her a month before her dead. Even if our friendship didn’t have a good end and we hadn’t […]
Well here goes, I should be writing a research paper at the moment and I’m already behind on thesis work for a industry panel review on Thursday which is freaking me out. Sorry if that sounds like I’m trying to act like I’m better because clearly I’m not, I have paralyzing anxiety and getting things done hardly happens, I have withdrawn from college twice with no tuition reimbursement in the past, which I can’t even really afford to pay for anymore so I really just need to buckle down and graduate since I’ve been an undergraduate for six years now for a four year degree. I […]
i drink enough ill die of sa ruptured trachea or alcohol poisoning or dehydration. yea!
I really can’t take being ignored anymore I thought maybe if I try and talk to someone it will make me feel better I tryed speaking to my dad and he said get on with it my mum just ignored me. I even tryed to tell my so called friends that I don’t want the here anymore and that just thought I was joking about nobody get it. I just can’t the pain anymore.
This is my finally goodbye thank you to everyone that tryed to make me feel better the smorning the first people that’s done that in a long time but I […]
I feel I just can’t go on anymore. The pain controls everything. I have no friends no family nobody to talk to nobody to open up to. I hoping maybe someone can talk me out of this I don’t want to do it but I see no other option I plan out everyday how I going to do it and where but I don’t want nobody to see it or find me it always ends up with someone finding me I just want to disappear. I’ve already tryed pills but that only landed me in the hospital looking like an idiot not a single person […]
Today has been… well, a day, I guess for lack of a better word. Still struggling to get things figured out.
I’ve made two attempts this year, life is just getting to be too much for me.
It seems like an endless cycle, bouncing from shit job to shit job, never progressing anywhere in life. I’m pushing 30 and I’ve never been in anything resembling a stable relationships, just a long list of failed attempts and missed opportunities. Plenty of people that “Just want to be friends” though. Friends who never call or ask how I am, and who probably wouldn’t notice if I offed myself. Or […]
“should i kill myself? or should i wait and maybe life will get better?” this is the question i have been asking myself for more than 2 years. I still cant make a decision. life isnt getting better its only getting worse. so there is no point in living. i cant kill myself either because i only have one shot at life and if i die there is no guarantee that there is an afterlife. why does everything has to be hard? I used to musterbate my sadness away but now i dont even like porn and musterbation. what am i going to do? cant […]