what would it look like if I committed suicide tonight. I’m not even sure how I would do it. I don’t have a gun, which is the safe bet. That doesn’t leave a lot of choices – drugs, cutting, not sure what else. and to complicate matters, I have a dog. What would she think? What would she do? I’m not expected to be anywhere until about 9 AM on Tuesday (it’s 8:34 PM on Saturday night) so she would be alone for a long time. How long would it take for people to search for me? […]
maybe
I’m so tired. To tired even for a proper cry for help. Or maybe i don’t care. I don’t know.
I have no idea what this is for.
Who can argue that anything we do is meaningful.
Is it time to go? Yes it is maybe.
And how to go? It seems it is just as hard as living.
Drugs Rule Everything Around Me.
The End. Or is it the beginning……
Ten billion stars later maybe the answer will illuminate.
I don’t know why I’m still here… but I’m still here.
Pills aren’t working. I still feel the same way as I did the night I did it. I am focusing on me and what I want… which I’m finding isn’t much. Maybe if I wanted more out of life I could find more.
Hi Guys,
How are you? How’s your life? How is your day? Don’t forget to comment down below how you are! I do want to know!
NOTE: Really sorry for this being a long post… I didn’t really try to… Writing is the only way I can get my feelings out.
How am I? Does it even matter how I am? Does it matter? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. How am I? Physically? Sore. Bruised. Hurt. Scarred. Mentally? Broken. In Pain. Hurt. Scared.
My physical state… I keep getting headaches… Waking up this morning I hit my head on my wall and it hurt like crazy, but […]
I kinda got lucky a few days ago. This being said, I’m now the first blind wrestler in my state that has made it to the state tournament. And a pin, to show it.
Who knows, maybe some girl will magically fall in love with me.
to be honest, all what i think about now is killing myself. there is absolutely nothing good about my life. i know people have it worse, but i can’t bare with it anymore. i just want to jump in front of a car and die. i know my family will act like they miss me, but i am positive they’d be happy that i am gone. same with my friends. in fact, i don’t even have many friends. maybe 2 at the most. i just want to mean something to someone, i want to mean something to myself.
Its been some time since my last post, maybe a week maybe two. Time has been slipping past so fast I barely even notice it. It still is the same grey world but now there is something different about it. I gave myself a fighting chance. After I had posted I felt a small relief on myself my story was out somewhere and none judged it, instead they offered support and wishes for well being. Thats when I decided upon something.
I will make a stand for who I am and what I want. I refuse to beaten and pummeled by something that is not even […]
Its been a really long time since I posted here. I thought, maybe I was getting better or stronger, but I was kidding myself, pretending to be happy in case the semblance eventually turned into something real. I try to be rational and tell myself I am not worthless, I am not ugly, I am not stupid, and I actually believe myself for a fraction of time. Then I go outside and try to interact with people and am reminded of how I have nothing to offer anyone. What am I missing that makes someone appealing to another human being? How did I get to […]
So many things have changed. My best friend/cousin is dead. My relationship is deteriorating. Every night it’s the same. I think of her and how I wish she was still alive and how I want to be dead. It should have been me instead of her. Everything right now is such a mess. School. Friends. My relationship. I don’t eat right. All I have been thinking about is death. It’s been a year now with these thoughts. Maybe more time. My daydreams are about suicide, how I’d do it and when..
When I was 11, I tried to kill myself.
When I was 13, I tried to kill myself. Four times.
Then when I was 15 my boyfriend told me I’d be better off dead. Of course, guess what I did? I tried to kill myself.
I wrote poetry depicting my mind’s perpetual spiral down into hell. I blamed myself. I said things like Well if you weren’t so darned stupid maybe you’d deserve to live.
But why would I say that? Who am I to judge?
Really that makes me selfish to think that. Everyone on this damned planet suffers every day. Every. Fucking. Day. Why should I get the cheap […]
I wish I was a writer so I could try and put these feelings into words
but maybe I’m not because I don’t feel much of anything at all.
tempted
to write
my own feelings
but can i? no.
atlas i cannot write down
what i am feeling right now
why can i not? why can’t i?
so many things, people, cares, worries, frets, etc
maybe its good to bottle things up and lie
how am i? how am i doing? how are you?
i reply with, i’m fine.” i wish i could tell the truth
maybe someday i will be able to over come my fears, and tell
the real, down to earth, truthful, honest truth about how i really, truthfully feel
im just tired of my life..having to wake up each day is such an effort! makes me not want to get up.. there’s an emptiness I cant explain and an isolation that crushes me every minute of the day. I know I’m depressed but nothing has really helped me.. don’t know why I’m still alive to be honest. if I die, maybe i’ll finally have an escape that I yearn for..
bright screen
blinking cursor
eyes darting
fingers typing
dimmed screen
still cursor
eyes closed
fingers deleting
does it matter
what i say
does it matter
what i feel
do you care anymore?
do you worry anymore?
do you bother anymore?
do you listen anymore?
do i bother you?
do i annoy you?
do i irritate you?
do i disturb you?
Maybe you don’t care.
Maybe you don’t worry.
Maybe you don’t bother.
Maybe you don’t listen.
Are you really there for me?
Or am I just too clingy?
That you have to avoid me?
Maybe you’re too busy for me?
let me go
why do you care
just let me go
please
i might need to go
i feel suicidal right now
can i turn to you
no not really
you’re busy
and i can’t
because you’re depressed too
and you come before me
and i dont matter
so let me go
i dont know
why you care
maybe you do
maybe you dont
how should i know?
Today I told my mom pretty much that I hated her. We got into this big arguement about nothing. Then we got into another one and it was about my best friend/sisster. She told me I was hanging out with her too much and asked me if we were gay. I said ” You know what I’m getting tired of being accused of being gay. But I’m not and neither is she. Maybe she’s not old enough to be my mother but at least she’d treat me like a mother is supposed to because obviously you don’t give a shit about me. And if you […]
Hi Guys,
I don’t feel well… I feel suicidal… So suicidal… So depressed and sad I don’t know what to do…
How am I? Physically: Broken Mentally: Broken
My physical state… It’s just not the best right now… I have no cuts… Well not yet… Maybe later tonight my body will have a few… But who knows? Maybe I’ll be pathetic and not cut… I just don’t know… I don’t feel well… I don’t feel like I deserve to live… I’m in so much pain… So many tears… Why should I live when I’m in so much pain? Can’t I go?
My mental state… It’s just too broken […]
I used to come on here all the time.
I’ve been, “fine” for a year now. Occasionally cutting & testing how many tablets I can take until I throw up. I lie to my CAMHs worker (councillor) about being okay.
I am fat & ugly. After years of abuse I don’t know how I lasted this long. A-levels are too difficult due to how depressed I am.
Now, I have taken a handful of sleeping tablets. I will take more.
Now, I’m going to take my own life.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this, maybe to distract myself from how I feel, depressed, light headed, paranoid, & my eyes […]
i can’t take it anymore
i don’t know how to cope
this isn’t a goodbye
i hate goodbyes
but this is close to it
i don’t know guys
itd be so much easier
than to keep fighting
to just submit
into the darkness
its getting to too much
i don’t really have anyone
to talk to about these things
i mean yeah i have friends
but they don’t know the whole story
and i don’t want to tell them
and my parents yeah i could tell them
but then id have to sit down and have
a long talk with them and i can’t do […]