General curiosity, and my apologies if this has been brought up before, I’m new here. Don’t quite know my way around yet, so forgive me. I’ve always wondered what is after this? Years of self abuse written like poetry in scars over my body. Years of self-hatred for everyone to see and stare at. One stint in the psych ward, and multiple suicide attempts thwarted and my mom or myself saying “oh no, I didn’t want to die, I was just overwhelmed” in order to save me from more stints in the psych ward. I never wanted help, I never cried out for help, I […]
Tag:
Minimum Wage
Consumed by worries, having frequent anxiety attacks. Need some advice
written by ididnotaskforbipolar
I need some advice. Lately I have been worrying a lot about different things, and it is causing me to have more frequent (sometimes daily) anxiety attacks. I cannot keep taking xanax for them everytime, I don’t want to form an addiction.
But anyway, I’ve had worries and thoughts bouncing around in my head at 100 miles an hour. I worry about dad who is working 2 minimum wage jobs and having an nondependable car to travel to work. , I worry about my brother with cerebral palsy who is confined to his room because he doesn’t like to go places for fear of inconviening other […]
And here I am. Writing on a website my feelings of sadness.
I have no friends. No one to talk to. A crazy family that I live with but try to avoid because of my disagreements of their lifestyle. Im a very stubborn person. I feel that Im broken as a result of my own family. I feel mental anguish. I have RSI in my wrist from too much typing, writing, mouse clicking. I am on medication for something that was caused by my family. I despise medication. I havent had real friends for 7 years. Ive been depressed since I was 16. Even though […]
I hate reading all these messages of optimism on these suicide sites. Especially when it’s in response to a teenager, “You have your whole life ahead of you!” Yeah right. If it’s anything like mine, you don’t want to live through it.
I’m 30, and I’ve wanted to die since I was 8. Too young? Not when you mother is psychologically abusive. I have a lifetime full of stories about her. The shortest example I can think of was when I was a teenager. I got my report card. It was 2 A’s, a B, and a C. She SCREAMED at me for over 2 hours. […]
**This is a jumbled up mess…**
Ever wonder why you bother? I always do. I find nothing in life that is worth fighting for. I feel lost and alone. But I know I’m not. My family, friends, and girlfriend love me very much. It has been them that has kept me from following through with my dark thoughts. I’m writing here today because I made a pact with myself before I started college. If I could no go through with it, then I have nothing left to offer. I told myself it’s over once I get that email, letter, talking too. People saying you failed! Why bother?
It happened.
Now […]
I have been dealing with depression for 8 painful years, and have had a self mutilation additction for seven of those eight. I have my ups and downs, but lately I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I have always felt it mentally and emotionally, but the physical symptoms of depression were always minor. That is… until recently. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my depression this time around. I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe I’m lonely. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel lost because my youth is very quickly leaving me.
I can’t eat. Every time I even look at food I’m […]
I don’t understand.
I’m employed, healthy, and I can deal with people most of the time, but I still don’t want to live. Why? I feel like I don’t even deserve to have feelings like this. That I just need to get over it. I don’t enjoy doing anything anymore. I made plenty of changes in my life, hoping that something might flip the switch and I could enjoy being me. I moved out of my parents, started making new friends, started dating guys again, got a job in the new city, and tried to stop worrying about so many things.
But I still don’t want to […]
In church, they tell you that porn stars are girls who have completely shattered lives and who behave in ways to find reassurance from men; girls who are desperate for love and for Jesus.
Wanna know the truth? I have the love of Christ, and am thankful for it. I have friends and family who I trust, and an adoring fiance. Know why I star in porn? Because there’s no other fucking way to make enough to live in this shitty country. Tell me how to get even a minimum wage full-time job in a tiny college town, or anywhere, really. Better yet, tell me […]
I’m so tired. I tell everyone I’m tired and they say I’m not being honest about the real issues. But they don’t understand how tired I really am. I’m tired in every sense of the word. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally tired. I’m trying to decide whether or not life is meaningless. I don’t know if that would just be a selfish method of self protection or if it is a valid thought. But I’ve been trying to assign meaning to it thinking that the world is a better place and my life will be more enjoyable if it is meaningful. But this is so damn […]
what should i post about? this is my first post. i’ve got a couple of saved drafts where i started writing about myself and my situation and things i have been going through but i’ve put them aside for now, probably won’t go back to them. Â i feel ok, almost good at the moment. whenever i read a post from people on this website where they talk about their immediate feelings without talking about whats going on with themselves in the big picture, without talking about the whys and whats and hows, i sometimes dont like it because i want to know about those very […]
I grew up with a mentally ill mother. She had dissosociative personallity disorder – it isn’t well known, but you have heard of its first cousin, multiple personality disorder. As a result, my entire life was a crisis – living in a home where even the slightest mistake in your wording could send your mother into a suicidal tailspin made me learn to turn all my negative feelings on myself (as a child, hating myself was always far easier than being blamed for a dissosociative episode or a suicide attempt – and, yes, she did directly blame me for some). I’ve been trying, in my […]