I don’t want to kill myself..I want to live my life and be happy. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but I’m fucking it all up. I have so much to live for it shouldn’t be this fucking hard to stand confident.
I finally met this beautiful girl that likes me and wants to spend time and she’s already catching on to my depression. I’ve shown enough good parts of myself to make her see I’m a great guy but I literally can’t control the way I feel when I’m all alone. I’m fucking this all up. No, No this can’t be me..it […]
Tag:
my life
I had too, I needed the pain to get away from me. It was unbearable; work was terrible, my mom yelled at me called me a slut. So I needed to get ride of the pain. So I found my mom scissors and I toke it out on my arms. It stings but I like how it feels. I wish I could fix my life or at least leave it.
Sigh… I never thought I’d be back on this site… after I finally built up the courage to actually speak to my mother and tell her about my suicide thoughts and depression.. but my mother being the religious woman she is (ironic) prayed and since I cut myself off from religion.. I just sat in since while she did and took the advice I got from amazing people on this site..
I went out, I did new things, made new friends… it got better after a while.. until a few days ahgo.
A brief description of me:
I’m a social person, I use humor as a […]
Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Please let me introduce myself: I am a suicide. “A suicide…?” you say, with some shock, thinking I have just made a joke in very poor taste. Yes, a suicide is what I am. I have been dead for some time now, emotionally and spiritually, if not physically as of the time of this writing. My actual name does not matter, nor do the majority of my life’s circumstances. I was never a happy person; that is not to say I had always been sad, or down, or any other state implying the opposite of ‘Happy”, merely that […]
I’ve realized that the pain has been growing inside me for the past two almost three months since my cousin death. Everything has been falling apart to me. Everyone says that I’m going to be fine I’m a couple of days but I always knew they were wrong. My cousin was killed in a car accident and ever since then I’ve been having the gut feeling in my stomach saying that it is my time to go. She is waiting for me wherever she is, and that she needs me there. The thing about her being gone is knowing I can’t talk to my best […]
I came home from a 12 hour shift at work, and saw this old picture in my phone. We seemed so happy at the time, and all I can think about is how much we were in love, but now as the tears stre down my face, all I can think about is the pain. When I’m alone, I can’t help but have dark thoughts of ending it all because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were the one that made life worth living. I know that people say that I’ll get over it, but right now the only thing I’m trying […]
I just want to begin with that I am an atheist, science is my only faith. So DO NOT GIVE ME ANY RELIGIOUS BULLSH*T. But to get down to it, I can’t deal with this existence anymore. I am weak. I am not capable of being, I am nowhere near strong enough. I hate this world, I hate myself and who I have become. I don’t want to be a part of this bullsh*t anymore. I have had a wonderful upbringing. Every opportunity has been afforded to me. I have no reason to feel this way. I have a bright outlook, academically and professionally. I’ve […]
I often found myself on this site, in my darkest days when i’d thought i didn’t want to live anymore. I have tried to kill myself 3 times by overdose. I just can’t describe the feeling i have to anyone, i literally battle every single day of my life with suicidal thoughts. Next year i will be 20 and i have never felt loved by anyone in my entire life, sure i have a boyfriend and to the outside world he probably seems caring and loving, yet somethings missing. I have told him the way i feel and the things that i feel would make […]
I’ve been coming to this site for over 3 years now. I haven’t posted anything in over a year because I thought that I could fight this feeling of desperation, anxiety, loss and depression on my own. To be honest all I did was block everything out and I have become numb to the core. My world spun out of control last year with my mothers attempted suicide and her failed efforts to take my sister and I on the same journey to death (in simple terms: she tried killing as well by poisoning our dinner). This was the cherry on the cake that […]
I recently had my girlfriend (who I thought was the love of my life) somewhat leave me. I thought that she was the one, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She made me so happy, that I couldn’t imagine life (or living) without her. When we first started dating, I felt the happiest that I have ever felt in my life. We were so in love, and she would look in my eyes and all of my problems went away. But now I just feel alone, I haven’t seen her in like two weeks, and she won’t reply to […]
I had a surprising bout of anger, nearing a temper-tantrum, this morning. And what was it over? My missing hairbrush. Yeah thats low.
Its about the only thing I keep in the bathroom, it even has my name sharpied on it. I know it was there yesterday,when I didnt need it, but it isnt there today when needed it.
Thats my life. Things are there when I don’t need them & gone when they’re needed. Mostly that’s because other people use my stuff, even though it has my name written all over it, & they dont care & they dont replace. Its not like I can replace […]
Dear mom,
I know this will hurt you for as long as you live. I don’t know what to say to ease the pain I’m going to cause, but I know that ‘sorry’ changes little. Though I will tell you why I did this, I know you’ll still be overwhelmed, confused, and hurt. Everything that was going through my head before I did this can be found in the Notes and Momento apps on my iPod if you’re interested. Everyone will probably think that this was an irrational decision done on impulse, but it wasn’t. There was a lot of thought put behind it, and there […]
Age 11 found out life really isn’t that great,
Age 12 ran away from a rape,
Age 13 became less bright and cute,
Age 14 tried my very fist zoot,
Age 15 started drinking and became wild,
Age 16 got pregnant and lost my first child,
Age 17 tried to turn my life around,
Age 18 here I am soon to be buried deep into the ground.
No child should have to go through this, this is what leads to self-harm and suicide and worst of all depression.
Everyone tells me that I’m so lucky, so smart, so attractive. I have everything apparently. But there’s more to life than that superficial crap. In life you need only one thing: a place to belong. This is the thing that I don’t have.
I had a bunch of friends that I thought cared about me. I was wrong. They all stabbed me in the back. I asked them to go easy on me because I thought I was becoming depressed. They told me to grow up. Depression is for children, apparently. Anti-depressants only make me sleepy. I guess the objective is to just sleep your life […]
why do i feel so bad? my life is perfect so why do i want to see all the pain ooze out of my wrists? i love my girlfriend and shes why im alive, yet i beg for the feeling of not feeling anything. should i man up an live with it and keep it hidden or tell her my pain? why do they tell you it will all be ok when you get help? that the magic pills will save you? that the people will remember and continue to care when they eventually forget? why?
I am sad to announce that, I am effectively going to end my life soon.
I don’t feel the need like to continue living, I don’t feel the need to continue worrying about anything. I am not going to talk about why I am going to end up my life, but just wanting to make you know is because I just can’t continue having pain.
I am going to leave everything, I don’t know how I am going to do it, but this is the last time i touch a keyboard; this is the last time i touch anything.
I am fucking annoyed of everyone […]
I’ve realized that nothing amuses me or makes me happy. My life is becoming a boring routine. I’m in college and yes, I have different classes every day but it’s all the same to me.
Today, I woke up at 5:20. I don’t drive so I have to rely on someone who has their own business to drop me off. I went to class, where I almost fell asleep in. Now I have this huge gap, 4 hours, until my last class. I have no friends here. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t mind it but it gets boring. Then I’ll most likely go […]
Reality sucks, Reality suck, Reality boring, I hate Reality, boring Reality, Reality is boring !
by niki
written by niki
Reality is boring & LIMITED !! I hate Reality ! boring Reality !
Real life is boring & LIMITED !! I hate real life ! boring real life !
Real world is boring & LIMITED !! I hate real world ! boring real world !
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, […]
Hello there. I’m me. I’m confused and I still don’t like myself.
Am I the only who feels so compelled to run away all the time? I feel like I want to run away from my life. From everything I have. From all of my life. From my experiences. From reality.
I want to run away to restart. You’re right. There are no restarts in life. But. Everything we do in life is based on our definitions, no?
Ah. I’m sorry. One day I will. I might or might not bring you. But this sounds like a pretty good future in my imagination.
Right. Running away. I should run […]
my life is boring.their is no hope to live the life the way i wanted.i haven’t done nothing which i like in my life.i gave up my career. their is no hope to live. im ending my life. this is my best decision in my life.