so i posted part of my story on april 23rd. so i am miss reputation. before the bullying, i was a popular girl. i’m not bragging but i was a girl that people liked, and i was friends with a lot of people, they were all so nice. but then i fell in love with a boy, and we kissed, and of course he was a jerk and told everyone something else. that gave every boy the excuse to sexually harass me. girls thought i was a slut, and well that made me the perfect target for the girls who bullied me. wow, i don’t […]
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When I use the word “god” I’m not talking about any particular religious image. For lack of a better word, I’m using “god” to mean whatever force created and/or governs this universe. It could be a bearded dude on a throne, it could be a mathematical equation or it could be a random spark that started a fire. But whatever it is, I hate it.
I hate the rules and patterns of existence that we live by. Universal laws like “survival of the fittest”, “kill or be killed” and “consume others so that you may live” are the laws of all living organisms, whether we’re talking […]
I’m sure some people are tempted to view this site as a bunch of whiners talking about suicide but never doing anything. Or as my own idiot therapist said: “Why talk about it? If you’re going to do it, then do it.”
But the truth is that many SP users have actually gone ahead and done it. They post here as a last stop before the unknown, and then they cross over. So no, we’re not just a bunch of lookie-lous.
I was wondering if anyone had been keeping a list of confirmed, or very likely, suicides of SP users. Maybe it would be nice to have […]
God, I don’t even know anymore. It started a couple of months ago and it was a song that triggered it.. I now seem to be a ***** to people now.. I get so angry over such little things such a someone not putting a lid on a pen.. I treat all my friends like shit, the ones that have been there for me for so long, the ones that know me inside out.. my best friends ): I push all my friends away and now I only hang out wiith people that use me for sex or whatnot.. I don’t know why because thdy […]
Days like today make me recount the week that I was hospitalized and my mother was the ONLY person who visited me, aside from my fiancee, who expressed the entire time how much he didn’t want to be there and constantly found excuses to go do stuff somewhere else. I’m so lonely. I’m not sure what it is about me that just repulses people. Nobody acts like they truly want to spend time with me. Right now I’m sitting alone at my kitchen table while I watch all of my fiancee’s friends play the new Mario Kart 8. There’s nowhere for me to sit and […]
This is my first post so hey,
Imagery is a weird thing isn’t it?
Since I was 13 I’ve had that sort of ya know emoish look about me, listened to the music, wore the eyeliner, all that sort of stuff. At that time people couldve somehow assumed, because of this “image”, that I was rebellious, depressed and suicidal. But what’s ironic is at that time when I was going through that sort of “phase” none of that applied to me in the slightest. You could say I was one of the most friendliest, world loving emos our there aha.
I was “a goth” before my dad got […]
Music isn’t helping me at all right now…..but I hope the tune I’m listening to at the moment distracts you guys for a little while. The lyrics here are quite nice. Enjoy.
I lay in bed feeling lonely…my days go by feeling lonely…I’m surrounded my people that ‘care’ for me and ‘love’ me- yet I still feel lonely…I’ve just realised how fast years go by when you feel empty.
I have so much to give and I try so hard yet no one shows as much back! As hard as I try it’s never good enough, never a nice word of encouragement but words of hurt and degradation are out on me. I try and try…but nothing- it’s all loneliness, emptiness and worthless!
That time will come when I’ve had enough and I end all the pain and suffering! […]
You know the feeling when you get dumped for the first time. That feeling you get where your heart and your head are in a vice and your on the edge all the time between crying. That’s how I feel all the time.
I’m years old 27, and I don’t have any clear path yet in mind. I have a job where I can work and maintain an apartment but besides that my life is empty, I wouldn’t say empty so much as void. I think of fight club a lot the part where he says everything is just a copy of a copy of a […]
So as with everyone alive, I’m on the road to death. I’ve decided that I’m going to chose my exit rather than wait for the road to come to an end.
I’m clearing out my house at the moment, getting rid of all the things I’ve accumulated. Giving away all my nice things, throwing away all the junk. Once the house is cleared out I can get it sold. Get my last will and testament drawn up.
Once those things are complete I will be free to commit suicide whenever I feel like it. I had a plan of what to do once I was free of […]
I’ve noticed I always get more depressed when the weather is nice. In a thunderstorm or something, I’m ok. Nice day with sunshine and birds and happy people, not so much. I’m the opposite of normal people.
I have difficulties expressing myself through writing. so I’m just gonna do it like this.
– I panic inside my body cause I feel claustrophobic. My body aches all the time and I have a constant headache and chest ache.
= I. just. want. out.
– I have no interest in a future what so ever. I don’t want to study, meet new people or get married and have kids. I have not had a moment in years and years that I could feel happiness and joy.
– I am not interested in anything. No hobbies that can take my away from the pain just for a […]
Would you go?
To my funeral I mean
If I got the courage
To kill myself
If I knew you in person
You would meet my parents
And my sister
Though she’s a bit mean
When I die
And they put me 6 feet under
And a grave on top
Of the earth for me
If you visit my grave
Not saying you have to
But if you do
Please don’t bring flowers
Unless they’re fake
I like carnations then
They remind me
Of Valentine’s day
I never got a carnation
But I always gave them
To my friends
Because they never got them either
I also like roses
Red to […]
What in the -Before I get into this, be warned, I am very vulgar- endless cosmic cluster fuck happened to SP? I mean, seriously? It seems after the visual change everyone just kinda changed into argumentative assholes. Well not everyone, but anyway, it seems as though this place has turned into a war zone. It usually hasn’t been like this (Since I found this site a few months ago), except for a few disagreements here and there. But it almost never got like this. But alas, fighting is in human nature. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; Like I said before, I found this site months ago and […]
I’ve started on an antipsychotic to tone down my high anxiety levels, but they make me feel so sleepy and sedated I can’t do anything but sleep. This is probably a good thing because its a nice blackout from reality, but it means I have more moments in the day where I ‘wake up’, and waking up is the worst. I feel so low all the time; my family keep thinking i’m ‘making progress’ but I still feel exactly the same about everything. I still think about how I need that final end, that there isnt any other option for me. I’m only doing these […]
It’s suicide vs the survival instinct.
Both ideas and feelings generated from the same brain. So why would the brain want us to survive and die ? wheres the logic ?
a short example:
experiencing a full manic episode, you a hold a knife up to your heart, you’re convinced all you wanna do is jam that baby in there, it starts with a nice big confident swing but then just before impact your arm goes soft ? or your mind goes numb and nothing happens ?? And for what. What possible reason
Some kind of fucked up cosmic joke.
Hi 🙂
I’ve done quite a few posts on here before… That was a while back. But now everything is worse. I’m breaking  and I don’t know what to do. I just want to show how I feel. Basically I was bullied horribly from 5th grade to 9th. Then in 9th grade I couldn’t take it so I tried to commit suicide. Not just because of school but because of my family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got sent to a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. I ended up getting diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in December of last year. It gets harder and harder each day. […]
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
i am close to only a few people.i cant get close to anymore people.they will just end up leaving me and hurting me like the rest.the are just not nice anymore.i blame my ex’s for making me have this fear of getting close to people.i hate the fact that i have the fear.i need to let go of that,but it doesnt look like tht is going to be happening anytime soon. SOMETIMES…..i feel like no one really knows me or my life or what i have been through.they only know my name not my story so stop being so damn mean to me and just […]
What can I say? I’m 27 unemployed, living with my dad and step mom. I’ve gained like 50 lbs….im 200 lbs right now… I feel gross I’m 5’8
I had a psychotic break a couple years ago… lost everything. My job, car, apartment, boyfriend. I had a good job, nice car, awesome boyfriend….
I started getting delusional, i literally lost my mind. I was living on the street for a while. then my parents found me and I came home….
For some reason I’m suicidal now and not when I was homeless? I guess reality set it… when I was living on the street I was happier… strange […]