I’m on the fence! I’ve posted before but received no comments…it’d just be nice to know that there was someone else out there so I didn’t feel so alone through all of this!
Tag:
nice
wow. this is nice. i almost feel like smiling! is this similar to what normal folks feel like???
So far my day is okay. Hope all of yours is too. Hoping it stays that way. My mood likes to fluctuate whenever it sees fit so I’m just going to listen to some mellow music and maybe daydream of something nice…like walking the beach with a future soul mate or laying in the woods listening to the birds. Also, random I know, but my backyard smells awesome because I just cut the grass yesterday and I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5P7tD15whU
I’m running away from people again.
First time I didn’t have any friends. So it was ok if they didn’t talk to me since I didn’t talk to them.
This time I’ve met so many nice people, but I even catch myself saying  ‘I’m late, we’ll catch up later, right?’ and almost literally running.
I’m out of facebooks and whatsapp groups. I wait some hours or days to text someone back.
Inside, there is that famous phrase ‘help me!’ screaming in repeat. They even know I’m not fine and they want to talk, to make me feel better. So why do I run when I have […]
I don’t care. About anything. About a single goddamn thing. I don’t fucking care. Why do you care so much? I’m not a nice person. I’m not even all that interesting. I don’t hate myself, per se. I just don’t care.
I’ve been struggling with my body for so long. Ever since I was a little girl, I was always the “fattest” kid around. I got made fun of a lot, but I moved on, as a little child would. Now it’s worse. I can’t stare at myself in a mirror for longer than 2 seconds. I have gotten bullied by others, for being ugly and fat. I have no friends. At school I am the last pick for everything, and everyone hates me. I try to be nice to everyone, but for every nice thing I say twenty bad things are said about me. I […]
Note the sarcasm in that post? Yeah. Loaded.
I am bringing him up on workplace harassment charges. Today I learned, in addition to him calling me a dumbass in front of everyone, that he’s been telling the guys I work with that he and I were VERY intimate. Uh, no. Never happened. Not even close. So now I know why I few of the guys are being suspiciously nice, and why the one very religious guy almost literally runs away at the mere sight of my face. Let’s make this clear, I’m a virgin, not a goddamn whore. I get promoted because I work my ass […]
Things are getting crazy here.It’s too dangerous.We can’t trust anyone, people are driving me mad.I think I’m completely insane.Take a look at them, they’re everywhere!.Look at them, looking at me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts.Talking about their stupid lives, talking about me.Whispers.Pretending to be nice with me.Pretending they do care…
They try to fool me, saying I’m cool and my life is worth living.Lucky me.I know the truth.It’s sad but it’s the truth.I’m planning to get the cooking gas tank, inhale and IT’S OVER!…they don’t know.
Can I trust myself? ….
…
Things are getting really really crazy…
So, after being off for two days, coming back to work was really nice. After about an hour of actually laughing and joking around, we hear this noise. My ex walks down the entire row of checkstands, through the lobby and stands in the middle of the entryway to the store, crying. Not your usual, sniff sniff, cry. Oh no. I’m talking about wailing. Like a two year old who got decided to throw a tantrum. Â Everyone in the store stops and stares. Everyone but me. I start giggling. Then I realize its not a good idea so I try to make myself shut up. […]
Sorting out my thoughts I guess, really hard to know what is what  anymore, am I just thinking this way cuz im angry or depressed or  is this what I really think. I question every thought i have anymore, I don’t trust myself to make many decisions anymore. Insomnia is kicking my ass . 2-3 hours sleep a day is really getting to me. Soon i will crash an sleep hours an hours. Obessessive thoughts and tourrettes syndrome is starting to get really bad to.
I have nightmares about my boyfriend , in them im trying to escape and hide from him. .. Guess cuz of all the […]
I don’t even understand why I said yes to going out with him. I know I’m not ready for a relationship right now. Hell..he barely even knows me. He is nice and all, but I just don’t know what to do. I just got out of a relationship 2 months ago and I know that I am still in love with my ex boyfriend. It’s not fair to my new bf that I am dating him knowing that I am still in love with my ex. I could try and get to know the new bf and maybe really end up liking him…or I could […]
For those females that are considered UNATTRACTIVE by males, they do NOT understand how lucky they really are!
Beauty is NOT a blessing. It is now just one BIG CURSE!!
If one is a beautiful female, one will REALIZE that finding a straight or bisexual male that genuinely likes you for your mind and soul and NOT your body is very hard!
As for gay males, they do NOT like beautiful females as they are JEALOUS of them, since straight males( whom they highly sexually desire), WANT attractive females and NOT them.Thus the jealousy they exhibit towards beautiful females is what makes it IMPOSSIBLE to have a nice […]
So, it’s the end of a terrible spring break. Last week, a kid in my class began making fun of Death, like it was something casual. He asked my closest friend if she “wanted to die”. She of course replied no, but he replied with “I think you’re lying”. I told him not to joke around about Death, cuz some people have bad memories with it. He flipped out on me, saying it was natural and nothing can stop it. Now, he had heard about my friend, and how she died in front of me, thanks to me, but he obviously didn’t care. It’s hard […]
So I’m not ready to die yet, but I don’t feel much like dealing with life all the time. I just want to sleep all my free time away. I hate weekends, too much time to think. But my sleep cycle is completely normal, sadly (haha).
So I’ve been thinking of taking sleep aids to just force myself to sleep all day. I just want to eat and go back to bed on days I don’t have work or school. Breaks are unbearable… Somedays I can see friends, but not always, and being by myself just makes me think too much and I can’t stop […]
Why is it still snowing!? I’m in Michigan and I, more than ever, need some sunlight and some relief from the snow… but it just won’t quit. At least give me a good scary thunderstorm to appreciate.
Otherwise… I’m trying Lexapro and it’s taken a month to finally kick in (I think). I only realized it when I noticed I was humming a song at work. I never do that.
You’d think I’d be into the clear but I can’t seem to let my exit bag / tank go. I don’t want to get rid of it. It gives me strength and security to deal with my […]
Froze my ass off today whilst traipsing around the woods with my uncle. The scenery was nice and I always enjoy being around my Uncle (more than probably my whole family because he sees me as me, not a dark moody piece of shit) but it didn’t clear my head like I had hoped. Did the opposite, actually. I feel so damn worse after getting back.
I had a good cry then slept half the day, but I came to the conclusion that I think the woods is my ideal resting place.
While the idea of death by hypothermia has crossed my mind a lot, I […]
You do something wrong people shun you. You step out of line then they punish you. You say something wrong people ignore you. You dress the wrong way people gossip about you. You talk or act different people push you away. You stand up to a bully then you’re the bad guy. You try to be nice then you’re the outcast. You get raped then people say you’re the whore/slut. You’re parents don’t want you then people say you’re worthless. You show your feelings then people say you’re dramatic. You show your depression then they say you fake it. You finally kill yourself…. yet people […]
To tell you all that everything is gonna be alright.
Ive been so far down. Came to this site once. Got a little back up again after talking to likeminded people. Fell right back down. Ive cut, I loaded my ex-boyfriends gun and held it to my head. Ive cried for days. Stopped eating for days. I have scars up my arm.
But today I’m free. And you will be to if you just hold on. I know that each and everyone of you in here are here because you have something holding you in this life. It is some reason you have deep inside that is […]
Today my father finally texted me after weeks have gone by. I don’t think I’ve looked at him for a month or two now, but he finally texted me that he loved me and hopes I’m doing well.
Oh yeah I’m doing great. Just got one foot in the grave, that’s all. These nice long cuts in my leg are just beautiful. Want to proof read these suicide notes I wrote since you’re such a hotshot writer with a published book?
But you don’t come upstairs to look me in the face, do you? And you say you “care”?
Hahaha, oh boy. Don’t bother to see me now […]