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I’m back…

by lixie

To tell you all that everything is gonna be alright.

Ive been so far down. Came to this site once. Got a little back up again after talking to likeminded people. Fell right back down. Ive cut, I loaded my ex-boyfriends gun and held it to my head. Ive cried for days. Stopped eating for days. I have scars up my arm.

But today I’m free. And you will be to if you just hold on. I know that each and everyone of you in here are here because you have something holding you in this life. It is some reason you have deep inside that is telling you to live. Screaming, but you barely hear it, or you dont at all. Because the depression sadly speaks louder than your heart does.

Stop for one moment. Find something positive in your life. Anything. Did someone smile at you today? Or did you see a cute animal? Did you hear a funny joke, listen to a nice song? Maybe these words made you just a little bit happy?Sometimes you have to look for the small things, because thats where you need to start – small. Believe me, I know. 

But dont give up, please dont. You might be the person discovering a cure for cancer, or aids, or something really big, and the world cant afford to loose you, do you hear me?

Never give up <3


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distant.road 3/20/2014 - 10:16 pm

Hi, lixie… I’ve read some of your previous posts and it’s wonderful to see that you where you are now. Sometimes life can be cyclical… There are no guarantees, of course… but sometimes good things happen. I’m still waiting… not entirely confident… but hopeful to some degree. We shall see.

Keep smiling…

lixie 3/20/2014 - 10:19 pm

Im glad you are waiting. It means you are trying, and hope is the key 🙂 I never thought I would be where i am now. it is so easy for other people to say that everything is gonna be alright. I hated it when people said that to me. But that was because they had no clue, thats the difference in this case. I have a clue 🙂 So i hope people who reads this wont think of it as “another happy person trying to make me happy because it sounds so easy”. its not easy, but it is possible 🙂

Keep smiling, keep shining <3

que sera 3/20/2014 - 10:27 pm

heart-warming post! sometimes that’s all we need to hear, thankyou xx

lixie 3/20/2014 - 10:44 pm

@que sera I hope everyone feels like you do! <3

I just wish I could help you all and fix your problems. I know so well how it feels to come back here, being so far down. I wanna stand at the bottom pushing all of you back up!

hotelman 3/20/2014 - 11:12 pm

I’m new here, but I’ve been through a lot in my life. I too was a cutter almost twenty years ago and I still have the scars. I learned a long time ago that the hardest part of traveling down this road called life is to keep walking. Once you can put one foor in front of the other you can finally go somewhere.

Rodiak 3/20/2014 - 11:46 pm

Lixie what if staying at the bottom is easier? For one nobody will bother you if you’re at the bottom, and it takes so much work to stay up top, all the lies you have to say to people when they ask how you’re doing. For some reason I want to stay down, in the dark, headphone in one ear, and hood covering my eyes. But in all honesty if their was a way out of the hell that is my life, I’d take it. Or I like to think I would. Yea that probably sounds crazy, good thing this is just a website

clevername 3/21/2014 - 2:40 am

what i think most of us need more, is help with actually improving our lives, once the crisis is averted and we “relax” back into life-sucks-management mode.

Most of us, i think, could easily rip ourselves out of a crisis, if only we could actually DO something about our situations.

And i’m not talking about “oh, look, someone smiled at me HOW WONDERFUL!!!”

I’m talking about “how can i take control of this mess, clean it up, and prevent it from happening again, so i can actually have a life, instead of always being stuck cleaning up this same mess that keeps happening, because i don’t understand how to stop it…?”

lixie 3/21/2014 - 7:22 am

I agree with you @clevername, but sometimes a smile is enough for someone. I can tell that you are a reflected person, you see where you are, you know exactly what to do to get out of there, but you probably havent figured out just how, yet. It was like that for me aswell. It took me two years to be where im at right now, and it was though. All i wanted to say with this post is that there is also a chance for all of you. Caus i wish someone did for me two years ago so i could appreciate the smallest things that led to somewhat of a happiness. 🙂

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