I hate nights. They are the absolute hardest. Everything is quiet, I have no family or friends. I go through my phone trying to find someone to talk to and no one responds. I scroll through my Facebook that I haven’t posted on in weeks and it’s all holiday pictures of families. It’s human nature to want someone to share your life with and I hate it. So I sit in silence in my room and read articles. :(. It’s such a lonely life at the end of the day.
Tag:
Nights
As I watched my husband walk out of the door, leaving my daughter crying for him to “take me with you” or “don’t go daddy” it hit me like a brick. I was that little girl. I cried for my daddy to stay….. My husband has worked for almost 3 weeks straight. Nights. Not by choice. But tonight, his first night off, he chose to go to a sporting event. My daughter’s heart was/is broken. She cried for an hour, I cried with her. Unable to comfort her because I was hurting too. I tried to explain to my husband but he just got mad […]
There’s that occasional night where you just break down and cry because you know that no matter what, Things will never be the same again.
I’m at the point of buying a gun. The VFW next door to my apartment building has gun shows/sales every other weekend. I hate guns, but now I need one. Again, I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Even though I’m no longer taking my heart meds, it’s not happening fast enough considering how utterly lonely and miserable I am. My chest feels as if a huge weight is crushing me. The tears and sobbing come without warning. Why do I have to be alive? Why can’t I just drift off to sleep and leave this horrible world behind? 60 years of this crappy existence has […]
I can’t even explain my feelings every night
I feel my heart aching as I turn out the light
Can’t shut my eyes, swollen from each tear
I never expect my thoughts to get this severe
Knife, scissors, pills all cover my desk.
All which can leave me very statuesque.
Thoughts erupt my mind about all I hate
I don’t know really if I want death to wait.
Each night I spend lying completely alone
When will it get better? it remains unknown.
Searching deep down to find me a reason
Why I keep living through this suicidal season.
Exploding with depression as I lie in my bed
This pain is too much, makes me wish I was dead.
These thoughts […]
Tonight is another one of those nights that I just really want to end my pain. It doesn’t help that it is gross outside… like gray and cold and shit. I am always affected by the weather… probably have that SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder thing.
I tried pulling myself out, by attempting to pretend that i am taking care of myself. I even bought groceries today, and I am chronic meal skipper. I got a haircut too, and I still feel the same. It is like I am trying to force myself to feel better, convince myself I am not a screw-up. Even though I know […]