I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m […]
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no one
A serious suicide attempt is not a cry for help.
It is a cry that started when we emerged from our mother’s wombs. How happy did any of us look then? And the sickening thing, the beaming smiles on the faces of our owners, I mean “parents”. How greedy parents look when that new child emerges. “You are mine”, they cry, “mine forever”. And how the child screams, shrieks and squirms to get away from them, to get away from all of it.  All of it a grotesque, bloody, display of ownership and enslavement; a foreshadowing of what is to come.
A suicide attempt is a cry for freedom from […]
The thoughts came on fast. This was about 10 minutes ago. They have never been this strong in my life. Usually I don’t break down and cry when I have suicidal thoughts but this time I did. I just started thinking about my childhood and playing on the beach with my mom and watching my dad sit around in the ocean. I remembered the small irrelevant things like the one time I fainted when my mom was brushing my teeth. Then I pictured myself now. Actually considering dying. It seems so surreal. Thinking about never being able to touch water again. Never being able to […]
I’m laying bed alone depressed all day no one cares a cut again twice deep but who cares I have no energy…I just want sleep nobody really cares for me why do I try I just need to end my life it’d make things better for everyone.
Good evening,
It’s fair to say I am struggling. I’m 35, been suffering with anxiety and depression for 3 years. I also have severe IBS, or in other words I get really ill a lot and the doctors don’t know why. My anxiety has lot of unwanted symptons, the worse one is feeling really cold and tight across the right side of my body. Weird huh? I can seemingly handle one or even 2 at a time, but all 3 and it’s too much.
Of course I’ve tried everything, and I mean everything. I’ll have periods when I think I’m getting to grips with it all and […]
I’ve cut myself off from almost everyone. Nothing has really happened for me to feel so drained and lost. I can’t tell anyone how I really feel. I think about ending everyday. I’ve fooled the best of them denying my thoughts of self harm. Yeah it’s a permanent solution I just want out. Anyone that looks at my life wonders wat the fuck I’ve got to complain about I have a man that is wonderful he’s domestic he certainly doesn’t need me or my negativity. I just want out no one can help me. I’m in cairns Australia I have no friends no one I […]
I don’t understand
I say when you walked away
I thought you cared
I say when you turned your back on me
Why?
I ask when you don’t turn around
What did I do so bad to make you leave?
I yell when you have walked away
I love you
I whisper
But you never and won’t ever love me
I sit down and cry
You were there for me when no one else was
I am completely shocked
Wish you were here
I sigh and pick myself up
But you never were
I cut one more time
You were never really there
I’m a disturbed individual, but what else is new.
lately, on my worst days I’ve been fantasizing what would happen to my corpse. Â I don’t want to rot in a box to turn into some lifeless fossil, nor do I want to be left as dust in the wind.
All my life, I’ve failed. I don’t deserve a noble burial. No one should cry for me in a church. I don’t deserve nor want a blessing or ritual.
my only request would be to be a useful corpse. Lab geeks and scientists can pick at my organs, nerves, or bone; or my molecules and their electrical charges be […]
It’s amazing what a smile can hide.
It’s amazing how much someone can suffer.
It’s amazing how even the little things affect me to the point of getting depressed.
It’s amazing how people are always happy and they don’t even notice how bad I feel.
It’s amazing how easy is for everyone to say “It gets better” when you know it doesn’t.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to talk to me when they need something and then forget me 2 seconds later.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to say “You’re not alone” when deep inside I feel like I am.
It’s […]
I have no one I can talk to who understands how I feel. Even family members can’t be trusted that much any more. I feel like I’m slowly going mad.
I stare into space for ages unable to move, just wanting to hide, but no where to run to.
I’ve felt like this for years and years. I have ‘I’m weak please kick me’ mentally stuck on my forehead or back somewhere and there are some kind people who won’t take advantage. But I start to question myself again – am I taking advantage of them in some way too? Am I subconsciously testing people to work […]
The Anger came back. It feels like poison. It takes everything out of me and to compensate, I take it out on everyone and everything around me. I wish I didn’t I feel sorry after I do. But it just doesn’t seem to go away. It’s a punishment. I can’t sleep at night. I drink so I won’t dream. I have such an overwhelming guilt. I wish I could go back… Not to change the outcome. I don’t think anyone can cheat death. When it’s your turn. It’s your turn. I just wish I could have gone back. Not left her alone. I wish anyone, […]
I go to sleep to escape this miserable reality, knowing damn well that I will wake up in the morning with a panic attack, resulting in a substantially worse reality than the one I escaped in the first place. After spending a painful day in this miserable world recovering from the panic attack, and very possibly not getting any work done, resulting in more anxiety, I go to sleep again to escape, et cetera.
Non existence is a perfect state, where such concerns do not exist, and nothing is known of them. Not even the idea of knowing, or the idea of an idea, is known, […]
I’m bored. And that’s bad. There’s a blade in my room, but I’m not even sure I’m ok enough to try to move it away. I think I’ll just leave it where it is. Another thing, even after actually getting a full night’s sleep, I’m still hearing someone call my name, and no one’s around me.
okay well. not to long ago i got raped.
after that day and that day and so forth. people think im taking it well. cuz i dont show affection.
well i do.
in my head i do. im always playing back of what has happened. and it always come put in my head when i dont try to think about it.
one night i just cried. but i hold it in.
i cant take the things back. no one understands. my bf. i cant even talk to him about it. he gets mad and just doesnt wanna listen. and i understand but i need to […]
That’s all I have, myself. In my experience, no body truly cares. I try to reach my hands over the counter, as if I’m the size of an ant, standing as tall as I can, though never do I reach. The only people who have ever cared still are unproven, unless they want something from it. I need help, however whenever I search for it I’m shunned away. Â The only person that wants to help me -isn’t my bestfriend, or my mother- it’s a stranger, wanting $125 a half an hour, and that’s the saddest thing of all.. Once I’m gone they’ll never understand, I […]
what i just found out.. last night that ..
well like almost a month ago i got rapped.. by my used to be step dad. and then my neightbor was talking to my mom about it last night .
that he could have killed me..
if he didnt want anyone to find out about it.. it breaks my heart. for my mo to live in so much pain alone.. she still cant handle me getting rapped and then if he killed me ?.. my mom will be just left here alone. with no one helping her and her having nothing to do any more. my […]
I’m suicidal again and have no one to tell. I feel no point. . . No happiness or sadness really. Wheni have many reasons to be both, but instead I would just rather jump onto some train tracks and be forgotten.
so basically. today. i went shopping with my mom. she started yelling at me and telling mw how negative i am and how that’s why no one wants to be around me. i plugged in my music and blasted it ignoring her and left the store. I walked to where the second floor has a hole looking way down to the first floor. for a moment i was overcome with the urge to just jump off. it would have been so easy guys. but my mom tapped me on the shoulder and i pulled out my earplugs as she started to yell again and we […]
Just imagine. One day you come home from school. Where you were already having a horrible day. All your teachers were extra hard on you today. . You and your boyfriend got into an argument again. This time it’s over. He already has a new girl friend. You go to your bestfriend for help. She’s always with her boyfriend. So, she never has time for you. You send her multiple text messages telling her that it’s over tonight. You’ll finally be happy. You wait six hours; no reply. She’s to busy with her boyfriend to reply. You grab that blade for the last time […]
Some don’t notice, some will ask, so I tell them its my past.
I cut I lie, at night I cry, sometimes I just want to die.
You say I’m suicidal, emo, a “freak†but society has just made me weak.
they don’t understand why we cut and cry they think we attention seek
but its really there fault they just don’t know that we’re hanging off a peak.
a cut a lie a cry at night, sometimes we just want to die, we try we try
oh yes we try to hide whats under our sleeves..
none will notice none will care they have […]