I’m starting to realize how much freaking effort it takes to start trying again, while still depressed and after having pretty much given up on life for a couple of months. My initial motivation was simply that I had nothing to lose, but that doesn’t really help me when I have to get up and commute to work despite feeling physically and mentally drained. It’s not as simple as having nothing to lose or taking it one day at a time. Eventually I will get tired and start asking myself “What’s the point,” and I don’t have a good answer. I still have no long-term goals. […]
Tag:
nothing to lose
Constant change is pretty much inevitable in life. I’ve always been really afraid of change. Therefore, constant fear seems pretty much inevitable in life. That’s one of the reasons I often feel so hopeless.
You’d think I’d have nothing to lose making a change now, given how miserable I’ve been for the past two years. Nope. I have to prepare myself for the worst, so that just in case the worst happens I won’t have some sort of breakdown. I start thinking that maybe my life now isn’t so terrible, which normally would be a good thing, except that I know as soon as the fear […]
Hello, Father. I never did live up to your expectations… Well, I guess I should thank you for creating me… That is creating this monster that shouldn’t exist! Even if it was just a chemical imbalance, it’s far too late to change anything! This family is already broken. Yet, you are too blinded to realize your actions are doing more harm than good. Enjoy your “freedom”, father.
Hello, Mother. You tell me to ignore the irrationality of father but it doesn’t matter anymore. A madness far worse than depression has already set in. It’s rather funny if you think about it… A one million dollar investment […]
Let it go there’s nothing left, underneath the masquerade, death.
by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kXx0BilciQ
I tried a thousand times to make you feel it
Like the days when we had first met
But I feel I never moved you
What the fuck how did we forget?And in another life would it be different
Would we do it all again?
And at that would you tell me that you loved me?
All alone why should I pretend?
Gagged and bound
You told me you broke down
And I believed everything
My love for you was logic drowned
Round and round
I came all the way down
To tell you that I’m really here
And I don’t wanna waste my time
Without […]
This is getting really difficult now.
I had a meeting with the crisis team last Friday, the lady was so lovely I just wanted to say “you could be this amazing person to someone who isn’t visualising themself jumping off a building right now”.
She said she was concerned. That the only thing holding me back from killing myself is the impact of who finds me etc. I’ve read too many things of train drivers who are emotionally scarred by someone jumping in front of them etc.
But it is something I am thinking of less and less as the overwhelming feelings of nothingness take over me.
I feel […]
I don’t use this shit really but in the past week or so shits been really fucked and I just want to write this all down somewhere because it’s all bottled up in my head. For the past two years nothing anybody says or does to me affects me. Whether it’s good or bad I’m indifferent. I’ve heard it all. If someone told me I should kill myself it wouldn’t affect me because I’ll be doing just that soon enough, and there’s nothing that could change my mind about killing myself. Nothing anyone can do or say that will make me suddenly think living is […]
This post is about a girl..
For the first time since my fiancé left, I’ve found myself between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been fortunate enough to date a couple girls since then, but they weren’t meant to be with me for various reasons.
I’ve spent too much time making friends in a bar atmosphere. I’ve questioned my own confidence and let go of a lot of insecurities. I’ve learned what I should say and not say, what is relevant and what is and is not who I am.
I still need to fix myself and get my shit together.. but […]
I haven’t been on here in a while… OK so 4 weeks ago we (me, my mom and 2 brothers) left our house. My mom’s boyfriend was back in drugs and was drinking every night and coming home and would fight with my mom. He got into a fight with the neighbor and the neighbor busted his head open, My mom had enough. So we left and have literally been staying wherever. It was really hard, especially when trying to do your school work and try to get the thought out of your head that you don’t have a home, and friends would make fun […]
I think a lot of people approach the whole meaningless life and suicide thing incorrectly.
I think people who are suicidal can be the most courageous because they realize that life is meaningless and so have nothing to lose.
Why not create “The Suicide Gang” and use this state of mind to do crazy things. Things that will make a difference just because they breathe life into a boring world. You can consider it stupid or pointless but so is life.
Ideas:
1) Buy a costume and walk around town in it – just wave at traffic. They don’t know who you are so have fun with it. Who […]
I wanted to do it. I was convinced I was going to take my life. I was devastated. Things had been moving in a positive direction since I last posted, but I knew it was only an amount of time before things came crumbling down. I quit my job. I hadn’t planned on doing it the way I did, but I lost my mind. Things were so bad there, I quit because my managers wouldn’t do anything to help me. No matter how many times I asked for help with a co worker they let it slide and made it out like it was my […]
For years I have wanted to go. Ever since I was 4/5 years old. I have never felt normal. I just want to stop these thoughts and feelings in my head. My community mental health team have given up. No more medication or help. So I’ve given up. I just want the courage to go through with it. I’m in a downwards spiral and it’s not stopping. I have no friends and my family have distanced themselves so I’ve nothing to lose. I just want gone. Sorry to sound like a kid having a tantrum, I’m actually 26.
Drowning in the despair of my mind,
peace of soul I cannot find.
Demons are raging inside of me,
break my cage and set me free.
Trapped in a vicious game called life,
Sending only pain, loss, and strife.
Maybe one day I can leave this place,
I will be gone, without a trace.
I have no one to leave behind,
free of the war inside my mind.
We wanted to live not suffer,
All our hopes and dreams were smothered.
We’re all living, quietly bleeding,
suffering here, painfully breathing.
Nothing to live for, nothing to lose,
years and years of constant abuse,
All […]