when you told me you loved me, I believed you. now your nowhere to be found and I’m here falling off the deep end with nobody to catch me. this fall feels never ending, like I’m stuck in time, just floating there in emotions greater than sadness, pain, and loss. I’m trapped with no way out. You, you were suppose to save me, I can’t save myself. but now thats my only option. how can one save themselves when they look in the mirror and see absolutely nothing, I don’t even feel worthless, its greater than that, greater than disappointment. it’s just nothing. that’s when […]
Tag:
nothing
so….depression….isn t that the worst *****? i feel that i can t and won t do it….it stole everything from me…even myself. i ve been happy, i know the feeling, i miss it like the human misses oxygen. i can t have it back….i had a break down and lost everything.nothing can change the past and we cannot rewrite history. i choose not to live in pain. i tried for a while…some meds, some therapy….nothing worked…i just want and wanted out. this fear of fucking death, the unknown, still keeps me here…i know it won t be for long…i can t bear too much. honestly…life […]
Glancing through my title-less “drafts”, I see so many times I started to express feelings that I never expelled. Once I had everything jotted down, I felt a sense of relief. Today, I will break that pattern.
Today, specifically, is one of those days that I can’t get out of bed. I tried to go back to sleep several times, but to no avail. It is likely that I’ll stay here all day.
So to understand somewhat of what I’m about to explain, I’ll have to go back to the past a bit.
As a child I was always shy and quiet, but bubbly and full of […]
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
… pathetic what I hold myself up to. That meaningless standard that society holds true. It’s pretty funny how this fleshy substance known as our skin plays such a critical role in life. God, if you are there, you are a fucking idiot. What am I going to become in Heaven? A mindless drone doomed to worship your entity. Fuck you. I hate you God. You are non-existent, you are a fable that contorts the minds of the weak. You call me sacrilegious, and I thank you for that, I am self-aware. We will see who has the last laugh when the time comes. You […]
No, oh no, not what you think. This is just another sad girl who is going to complain about her relationship, so here goes it. My love and I have been together for years; high school sweethearts if you care to call us that. This kid knows how many attempts I have made to end my life; however, each time it seems to be another friend who picks me back up? The same thing happened tonight because of just all the bull that he promised and yet again didn’t own up to. He makes me feel like I am nothing, and when I get suicidal, […]
If memories only serve a catalyst for misery and my future is bleak?
There is nothing, my anxiety destroys any prospect I would ever have. Are some destined to exit early? I find myself asking this question a lot. Very little makes me genuinely happy, I’m never safe in my own skin. It’s sad to say I feel the most comfortable and at home when I am alone. How pathetic my life has become. So many mistakes I have made, I wish I owned a fucking time machine (I’m sure a lot of people think that). Being haunted everyday with no ability to make new memories […]
i could die right now and nothing would change. the world would still progress. i am one out of over seven billion people on this earth and nothing i do is actually important.
so whats to stop me from perishing?
One time I’m flooding with emotions, the other I’m feeling absolutely nothing. Feeling numb or feeling way too much.
I don’t like neither one, to be honest.
I just wish I knew how to stop.
I live with my mum. I don’t speak to my dad much. He ruined my life, quite literally. I wont go in to detail, but he destroyed my childhood, which still seems to be effecting me now, at 15 years old.
He turned up at my house the other week, dragging so much of my past back up. I haven’t spoken to him properly for over a year now, and he had the cheek to tell me, his daughter that he doesn’t know and hasn’t known for over 6 years, that I’m depressed.
I mean, I personally think there’s something along the lines of that there, but he […]
now i know there’s no such thing as happy ever after..
there’s nothing you can do to be happy all your life..
..
but why ? why i’ve never felt happy in my life..
day by day it’s getting hard to take a breath ..
forever fucked up.
I thought maybe over time I could forget about him. Just distract myself until I forgot. But it’s not even been 3 months since he left and now I’m just empty.
I feel nothing for anyone or anything. I don’t get irritated when customers complain at work . I don’t get mad over things that I’d usually be pissed off at.
I can’t even cry. I mean, I do the motions, but no tears come. I finally told my best friend this, just to let her know what was going on. Then she tells me that she had been hospitalized a year ago for trying […]
The everlasting light; or the endless darkness. Sometimes even curiosity itself can become the tool to execute the will. All of the hope seems false and the last hope I would have is to die and see what lies beyond; even more pain and misery or the eventual satisfaction.
The very thinking that nothing lies beyond in itself is hopeless; as if we will not be able to find the justice even after death. But the justice is created to maintain the society; then, the very concept of justice is flawed. Why would we even willing to maintain the balance in the society when we are […]
What i have realized in the recent past, is simply that i am a needless person wasting the space in this shitty (for me) place, known as the earth. And I can prove my point to you.
Firstly i hate the society and humans who all of them selfish and hypocrites. They follow the same rules (trying being cool, have a nice appearance only to be liked be others and hiding their true character) because this is the only way to be accepted. I am not interested in to meet new people anymore and i hate speaking to them because i waste my time for […]
so my father told he should never been with my mum and she’s ugly and she was a mistake in his life
idk why he told me that !! and he told me that he hate us and should’ve gone long time ago..
idk how i was counting on him a lot of things even my college and stuff ..
and now i’ve left with nothing.. and i finally knew he doesn’t even care and want me to be failure and sad
I can’t even take a breath without feeling this pain in my heart ..
this life is too long i can’t keep living with […]
I am so disgusting. I hate the way I look. I will never be happy. I’ve never been happy. I just want to die. It’s not even about me escaping my pain. It’s more about saving other people from having to tolerate me being around. Friends abandon me, relationships fail. My family are oblivious. I mean nothing in this world, so why can’t I just die? I’ve tried so many many times to end it, and it never works. I don’t want help. I just want to go.
I deserve to die, I was fortunate enough to live in a family with a good income and provide me for anything I pleased. But I did nothing but take advantage of them, lie to them and spend every single day playing video games and occasionally smoking weed while failing school. I am definitely one of the laziest, biggest piece of shits in the world. I am absolutely useless and provide nothing to this world whatsoever. Hopefully in these coming days, I will have the courage to end it, as not only do I don’t want to be alive, but I don’t deserve too either.
No matter how hard I try to live on, I feel trapped. I don’t know what it is but I feel so trapped in life. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t like it. I hate this. Nothing is okay and it never gets better. If it does ever get better, it just goes back to shit. I can’t do this anymore. I’m giving up for the last time.
I’ve been close to the edge before, or at least felt it begin to close in on me.. At which point I would try to find some stronghold to pull myself back from. But right now, at this very second, I’m finding it hard to have any reason to stay. There is nothing left for me. There’s too much going on, but at the same time there’s nothing going on. Right now, a way out seems like the only viable option. The only good and reasonable option. The only option, really. I just can’t do it anymore, I simply can’t, and I don’t know if […]
I cant believe how many others are on here feeling as hopeless as I do. I’m all alone in the world and I cant seem to find anyone like me. Figures I’d have to want to kill myself to find like minded individuals. I’m sick of being kicked when I’m down. I’m ready to blow up, violence clouds my mind. i’ve been through alot in my life, more hardships than I care to share. I cant seem to catch a break. I have no one, nothing, I have so much love to give yet my heart is broken and no one cares. I’m done.