What is the whole point of living anyways? When you get to the point where all you feel is numbness and pain, why should you go forth in life? When every waking moment of your life you unintentionally hurt the people who are supposed to love you, why not end their pain? It would be selfish of me if I continued to live. My death it seems is inevitable, the people who are closest to me all know that at some point I will end my life. So why not end the pain now? I’m tired of pretending to live, when in truth, I already […]
Tag:
Numbness
Have i reached the point when i stop caring, when the numbness finally wraps me coldly…or am i just crazy
I don t know but it feels great. I can’t eat which is awesome and i hope it will last because i wanted too lose weight anywayz. I can’t sleep either which concerned me since i could sleep like always at every time of  the day and sometimes i overslept the entire day. I am failing exams and not studying but i don t feel guilty. I am not happy nor sad or angry i am just here, existing and it s fine. i wanted this […]
I just read a definition for suicide calling it a cry for help. It really annoyed me, because in my opinion it’s the exact opposite. Suicide happens when we feel there is no help to be given whatsoever, suicide is when we can’t help ourselves and can’t be helped by anyone else. Suicide is deciding that we’ve had enough of this fucking world and don’t want any help staying in it. The only way suicide could possibly be a cry for help would be if it was a purposely messy and obvious attempt, or if the person told a shitload of people their plans, or […]
Hahaha nothing really matters anymore and no one acts like they care so why should I. My hatred for everyone who talks/looks at me continues to grow. I care for almost no one and like i said they don’t seem to care about me. I wake up feeling numb and emotionless my nightmares wake me up in the night giving me the only sense of emotion I have.  I hate life tonight i think i am going to try suicide for the 4th time and it most likely won’t work ( let’s just say I would make a really sucky murderer) and when it doesn’t work it […]
For 7 months i have been in this state.
at first it started as saddness,but as time went by it turned into pain and numbness.
I turned to a friend who understood how i felt. But he kept telling me to wait a little bit, and i wouldbe okay. But ive waited to damn long, and everything just keeps getting worse! Im sick of it!
It’s like you’re trapped inside yourself, you can’t escape unless you allow yourself to escape- but there’s a cage there preventing your escape and every time you manage to break one of the walls down, another higher wall builds up, separating you from everything and everyone else and making escape all the more impossible. And the more you try, the harder it gets. And you’re trapped inside yourself, so you’re sitting there and everything hurts and you want to curl up and cry for hours, but you continue to just sit there, somehow feeling numb and being in pain at the same time. And you […]
Okay, one more time, I am going to try to go the Professional route. Too much seething anger when the depression fades, I am beating my appliances and slamming doors and just having too many impulses to tear my hair out or beat my own face. Did a lot of face slapping and strangling Monday and Tuesday. Roller coastering from numbness to anger to depression. Having to bite my lip hard not to say insulting things to co workers and get fired. Knowing this is crazy and useless and wrong isn’t helping. Gonna take one more stab at prescription help. Wish me luck
So another day has come and past, another pointless, meaningless empty feeling remains and all that is left is the cold embrace of an empty bed.
5 Suicide attempts, 2 last minute resuscitations in hospital, endless weeks in a psychiatric unit and each and every time come out feeling the same way and return to the same emptiness and nothingness that is my life. Medications make me feel numb, neither happy nor sad, just more of that feeling of nothingness, again. It is so ironic that ALL antidepressants just make you docile, slow, bored and unable to feel anything of meaning. I have decided that with […]
My life has always been about others. I changed, I acted, I stayed silent so that life would be easier for everyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever pursued anything for myself and that’s alright. I never expected anything in return for what I sacrificed, what I left unsaid. I’m ok with being the punching bag, because if it wasn’t me it would be someone else, and no one deserves this. After a while, you start to savor the pain. It’s an acquired taste.
Being alive slowly killed me. Now I am just a shell. An empty body. I can’t quite reach the other side because […]
Is it really ‘pain’ that brings about the desire to kill yourself? I’m not in pain. But I’m not happy either – I feel almost nothing at all, I just think. And my thoughts don’t make sense. It’s just numbness, and sometimes anxiety. Nothing at all or crippling fear and self-hatred. Life is just not coherent. Why is anybody bothering to stay?
Two daggers pierced through my heart and tore up my soul;Â
My heart bleeds;Â
My body lay still;Â
Numbness consumes me,
Yet I continue to breathe mindlessly.Â
It is a battle between life and death.Â
I ask myself Why?
I faint voice inside of me whispers to me that it is the ray of hope that lays dormant deep within my soul.Â
I feel depress, I cannot sleep and the new semester starts in a day. I am thinking of dropping my classes and getting the refund. Every time, I feel slightly depress or angry, my nerves get so intense to the point where I start sharking, which is uncontrollable. I’ve been feeling frozen and empty for about three hours. I’ve done some bad things last year and I feel like I am repeating myself now that I am in communication one of my ex’s. The reason why I can not sleep because I feel like hurting myself. Whatever I say to him, he gets so angry and […]
Almost everyone on this site is experiencing, has experienced or eventually will experience this.
Our feelings are not as black and white anymore, they’re not strong or weak to the external stimuli imbued upon our senses; really it’s just a numbness, extirpating mental perturbation but concomitantly attenuating sensibility and emotions. It all produces either a state of equanimity or mental chaos, depending on your level of introspection…
Basically, our feelings aren’t as simple as they used to be. There used to be a rational support behind our behaviors and emotions; now there isn’t. It’s all a mess, and we feel numb to the outside world. […]
Don’t bother trying to save me
Just let me be
I don’t need you anymore
So please shut the door
And walk away
I’ll see you again someday
I know it’s dumb
But IÂ wanna be numb
I’m tired of hurting for you
So sick of trying, too
I’m sick of trying to hold on
When all hope is gone
I’ll let it all go tonight
I’ll give up the fight
The stains on my shirt
This addiction to hurt
I can’t take it
I’m weak and I hate it
The blade at my wrist
IÂ just can’t resist
I’m weak and I hate it
The blade at my wrist
I […]
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